The “Wizard of OZ”
(It’s American Fairytale Author, L. Frank Baum’s Birthday)

“I have little compassion for people in trailer parks who refuse tomove after getting tornado warnings.

How hard is it for them to relocate?
Their house’s have wheels.”
~ Carlos Mencia

The Wicked Witch of the East; Glinda, the Good Witch of the North, the Tin Man, the Scarecrow, the Cowardly Lion, The Wizard and - yes – those be-dazzling Ruby Slippers (originally Silver Slippers—oh that Adrian!)

Despite her dreary, repressed, pig-slop smelling, pre-pubescent years on a poor family farm in Kansas, beloved orphan, Dorothy Gale wondered what life might be like beyond her own picket fence. As with many adolescents, feeling no alternative but to run away in order to save her dog Toto from everyone’s favorite mean neighbor, Elmira Gulch, she meets up with a crackpot magician, and - as happens more often now because of Climate Change - she finds herself caught in the winds of a giant tornado. Barely making it home, she gets clobbered by a windswept window and falls through the sub-conscious inward spiral of the twister.

Once awakened - through the magic of Technicolor - she meets a village of Munchkins and Glinda the Good Witch who grants her the Ruby Slippers, and through one of the most memorable Hollywood musical numbers ever produced, learns to follow that conscious outward spiral to womanhood - the ever-famous yellow brick road.

In hindsight it’s easy to recognize the irony of Dorothy fulfilling a Wizard’s challenge to get home and then discovering that she had the ability to be there all the time, the Scarecrow hoping for intelligence only to discover he’s already a genius, the Tin Man longing to love only to discover his heart, a cowardly Lion who’s actually fearless and the citizens of the Emerald City discovering that their Wizard was actually an eccentric old man. That’s the Hollywood version in a nutshell. (OK! OK! Aficionados needn’t act on your urge to correct or comment on my interpretation, or misinterpretation…ya’ know you’re dying to and ya’ know who you are!)

Much like Dorothy and her cohorts feeling the need to visit the WASH & BRUSH-UP CO. (“Rub, rub here, rub, rub there”) to look their very best in preparation for meeting the great and powerful Wizard of Oz, the next time you’ve been away from home and need to tidy up a bit - green skin or not – you don’t need to visit the Merry Old Land of Oz to feel fresh.

So if you’ve been out riding a twister, romping through fields of heroin-laden poppies, “liquidating” evil witches with water, or, more to the point, walking miles in someone else’s shoes (Ruby-encrusted or not, who knows what the Wicked Witch of the East had going on between her witchy toes??), your feet can become riddled with fungus instead of remaining lady-like-soft-n-sumptuous. In the event that yours do, put your best foot forward and treat your athlete’s foot (Come on – chicks get it too!) by steeping your frazzled feet in warm, salted water (one teaspoon of salt per cup of water) for five to ten minutes every day. The salt kills the fungus and reduces perspiration. When finished, dry each little piggy thoroughly before slipping your dogs back into your Manolo Blahniks, Chucky T’s, or even your ruby slippers.

Along her trip, Dorothy's search for home inspires us, while her ruby slippers represent the “amazing feats” of which we’re all capable. So whether you’re on a space-ship to Mars, a cross-town bus, or riding a twister to OZ, mindfully enjoy the sights and sensations along the way as much as those when you arrive at your final destination. Don’t forget - it’s all about the journey! While searching for your heart’s desire somewhere over the rainbow, emulate Baum’s Dorothy, and remember to have the “be here now” ability to use your brain, your heart and your courage simultaneously.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “Clean: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” and “Clean Body: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing Yourself” (www.zencleansing.com) published by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). His books can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com.
Please consider the environment.

Mother’s Day
“It's not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”
~The Golden Girls

We all get one – a mother that is - and it’s no surprise that Mother’s Day is one of the most commercially successful of U.S. holidays.

What drives it? Is it guilt? When we recognize our female parents for their often under-appreciated responsibilities of raising offspring by toiling away to our benefit with steady and selfless love and support, can’t we do it without being commercial? But in recognition of all that she did/does/will do/might do, etc., on this special day, we can pay her tribute with a bit of eco-this and eco-that - potted flowers, herbs or decorative vegetation that can be planted in the garden, organic chocolate, socially responsible bling made from blood-free diamonds, shells or recycled materials, truly organic beauty products, or even soy or beeswax candles scented with essential oils with non-lead wicks.

But unfortunately, the flowers will soon fade and become compost. And in today’s economy, the rock might just end up in hock. And her backside (along with yours too, buddy) will only get a size larger from all that chocolate, eco or not!

But Mother Nature is everyone’s automatic second mom, personified as female for thousands of years and representing sustenance and nurturing – so it's quite fitting that on Mother’s Day we consider both our mother and Mother Nature as well.

Among those acknowledging the good deeds by women on behalf of Mother Earth, are the WINGS World Quest Women of Discovery Awards. WINGS was organized a decade ago to demonstrate how women explorers and field scientists are underserved, and sought to remedy the sad fact that young people often lack the curiosity to explore the natural world.

This special honor recognizes outstanding contributions to our general knowledge in critical environmental areas, while providing important funding for continued research and expeditions. What a remarkable way to acknowledge environmental advances, to exemplify the work of some genius women, girls, sisters, aunts, grandmothers and mothers, and to showcase the possibilities for women to work as scientists.
On Mother’s Day, whether your mom is a scientist, a geologist a paleontologist, or just a plain ol’ scrubologist, laundry-ologist or dustologist, take a moment and thoughtfully acknowledge her. Remember, she’s the one who took you on your first 9-month environmental exploration.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “Clean: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” and “Clean Body: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing Yourself” (www.zencleansing.com) published by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). His books can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com.

Please consider the environment.

Hairstyle Appreciation Day
“If you want to gather honey, don't kick over the beehive.”
~ Dale Carnegie

We all have hair—some more, some less. (Some of us even have it where we don’t want it!) Fine, medium, coarse - light blonde, copper-brown, honey-red, ginger-twist, sun-kissed, winter wheat, or ash—no matter, it’s all hair. And maybe that color is even naturally yours (yeah, right!), or maybe you’ve just paid a small fortune for it. The possibilities are as limitless as the hairs on your head—all 120,000 of them (for those of you who still have a full head of it or have had a head-full woven in—giving you 240,000 perhaps!!??)

I actually have a lot of nerve writing anything about hair. Perhaps someone less “follicly-challenged” than me—with hair resembling the “10”-rated tresses of Bo Derek, the strong as nails strands of Rapunzel, the carrot-top mane of, eh, Carrot Top, or the magnificent salt’n’pepper crown of Toni Morrison—should best write about Hair Appreciation Day. Don’t get me wrong, I have hair, and I do appreciate it. . . but, unfortunately, mine is mostly just clogging my drain.

What I can write about with authority, though, is that daily care with wholesome products can help keep your hair—if you’ve got it—strong and strikingly beautiful. When you’re shopping for your products of choice, keep this in mind: if you can’t pronounce the ingredients, they’re probably not all that great for you. I mean, what did folks use before Madison Avenue invented that 50s icon, the Breck Girl?

Now once you’ve made your selection and finally commence the act of shampooing, remember to always massage your scalp slowly but thoroughly with your fingertips, to vigorously stimulate the circulation of blood on the skin wrapping around your skull. You’ll be amazed at how much tension is stored there. Feel that tension float away as your digits activate your locks right down to the roots. (Even we baldies can benefit from this kind of stimulation!) Then, rinse thoroughly.

I know, I know, you’re automatically saying to yourself, “rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat” because every commercially produced shampoo bottle has brainwashed us to do this. “Wash, rinse, and repeat.” “Wash, rinse, and repeat” Says who? The “repeat” is less intended to properly clean your hair than it is to sell more shampoo. Only “repeat” if you’re in the mood to do so or if your hair is so filthy that you think you absolutely must!

Let’s not split hairs over this: remember, it’s good health and mindful grooming that make for beautiful tresses, not standing in the shower, endlessly “washing, rinsing, and repeating.” In fact, you can very easily “repeat” yourself into a head full of dried out frizz if you’re not careful.

Here are a few hair grooming suggestions for the continued health, beauty, manageability, and all-around wellbeing of your “crowning glory.” All of my ingredients are entirely natural, pure, familiar and safe, and require nothing more than “re-purposing” staples you most probably already have on hand. And rest assured that any of these ingredients washing down your drain are eco-benign, don’t pollute, don’t encourage algae growth, don’t smother fish and other aquatic life, and in no way upset the delicate balance of natural flora and fauna in our eco-system.

· Knead a few tablespoons of olive oil into your dry scalp and hair. Swathe your oiled-up curls with a shower cap and take a thirty minute breather...snooze, toss back a latté - whatever. Then just shampoo as usual to reveal a refurbished mane that even Fabio would envy.

· Every night, rub your scalp and massage your mane with a solution of 50/50 distilled white vinegar and water. This homemade “hair-product-residue remover” leaves behind the glistening, polished locks you’ve always dreamed of.

· And for the simplest of shampoo replacements, combine one tablespoon of baking soda with two tablespoons of water—remembering that this isn’t going to look or feel like any shampoo you’re accustomed to. Think of it more like a shamp-paste. There won’t be mountains of foamy bubbles (you get those in commercial products because of the chemicals added to get all that lather). Work the paste through your hair and rinse thoroughly, for unexpectedly clean and remarkably shiny hair.

Hairstyle Appreciation Day celebrates the distinctiveness of all styles of hair - comb-over, cornrows, crew cut, flat-top, pigtails, or Elvis-like pompadour - and allows each of us (bald or hirsute) to convey our unique brand of mindful beauty.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “Clean: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” and “Clean Body: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing Yourself” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). His books can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com.

Please consider the environment.

Earth Day
“Strange is our situation here upon earth.”

~Albert Einstein

March is when we welcome the first signs of spring—fading winter; the sound of songbirds; the once bare, leafless branches hosting buds at the end of every twig; the overhead migration of ducks; and the smell of part rainfall, earth and ozone creating a scent that certainly defines springtime and--for many--also Earth Day.

With Earth Day under our proverbial feet, many consider their “green-ness.” With the promise of a “green” economy as a growth economy, the majority of consumers agree with the popularity of “green,” as more and more venders offer these kinds of alternatives. With more information now than ever before available on how to become or go “green” on television, cable or on the Internet, many understand the recognizable benefits to individuals and society on the whole.

Everyone knows that buying and selling is good for the economy. But by buying “green,” consumers are purchasing stuff not just because they need it - they’re buying eco-goods because they’re also considered to be good for the planet. Of late, many consumers have even boycotted companies or products because of their undesirable policies and practices - compared to a growing number of individuals who recommend environmentally responsible products or services to friends and family.

Hoping that environmental awareness will eventually convince people to buy “green” products, manufacturers now produce products that eco-savvy shoppers supposedly want. Granola cruncher or not, to some, “green” isn’t just about a carbon footprint and rainforests, it’s also about social responsibility and being aware of how businesses affect the environment, our society, and our future resources.

Unfortunately, Earth Day for many has become yet another narcoleptic occasion to enact pointless environmental rituals while denouncing the greed and excesses many also find themselves ankle deep in. (With President Obama commemorating Earth Day this year with a trip to Iowa – one of the largest wind energy production states in the country – perhaps he might also inspire us away from our greedy, over-consumptive, egotistical selves – organizing us to make a personal sacrifice for the greater good.)

Although many sing dirges to global warming, I’ll guess that few really care to do anything. If they did they might start whistling another tune by starting small and making mindful alterations to their purchasing habits, minimizing travel, changing light bulbs, insulating/caulking homes, cleaning with environmentally safe materials and purchasing used stuff instead of new when available. Only by starting small and personal can we begin to grow and work up to noticeable improvements.

With the “green” industry growing - one of few that are – it’s a marvelous opportunity for us to grow bigger and better. For this Earth Day, don’t use meaningless gestures to show the world that you care, but instead, plant seeds that show how you also take care.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “Clean: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” and “Clean Body: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing Yourself” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). His books can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com.

Please consider the environment.

Golfer's Day
“If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.”

~ Dean Martin

When the earth was young and cavemen beat the ground with clubs and danced the boo-ga-loo, crowds gathered round in silent awe. Today the same kind of nonsense is simply called golf.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but if you’ve ever overheard conversations on the green – to amateurs who play – sand seems to come alive, clubs become possessed by mischievous sprites, and expensive equipment somehow mystically finds its way into the deep end of ponds.

To those of you who have never chased a puckered ball from here to kingdom come, golf is a sport in which players use assorted clubs including woods, irons, and putters, in an attempt to hit small dimpled spheres from a tee into nearly invisible holes on a putting green in the lowest possible number of strokes. Outside of being a swell way to spend time out of doors, usually in beautiful surroundings, it’s also one of the few ball games that doesn’t use a standardized playing area. Instead, the game is played on uniquely designed golf courses consisting of either 9 or 18 holes.

Golf is the rare sport that can be played by people of any age, and taken up by people of any age (infirmities aside). And motorized golf carts assure the minimum amount of exercise per hour than any other sport except perhaps fishing. Men, women and children alike are drawn to the lure of the lawn. Take for instance golfing superstars like Jack Nicklaus who began playing golf at age ten, Phil Mickelson who began playing golf at age three, Michelle Wie who began playing golf at the age of four and Tiger Woods - possibly the world’s most famous golfer – who began swinging a club when we was only two years old and went on to become the youngest Masters winner ever.

So whether you spend your day chipping away at the putting green, excavating sand traps, fishing “escapees” out of water hazards or crawling around on all fours looking for lost orbs in the tall grass, don’t get “teed” off about grass stains. Remove yours with a mixture of one-third cup white vinegar and two-thirds cup water. Apply the solution to the stain and blot with a clean cloth. Repeat this process until you’ve removed as much green chlorophyll as possible from the spot, and then launder as usual.

Whether you’re an amateur lost on the back nine looking for your ball markers, a sweaty caddie in his shack, or a cocktail swigging old pro who rarely leaves the clubhouse -– with a little bit of luck (and white vinegar) you’ll always look your best while daydreaming of your next bogey.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “Clean: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” and “Clean Body: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing Yourself” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). His books can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com.

Please consider the environment.

Arthur Murray’s Birthday
“Please send me your last pair of shoes,
worn out with dancing…
so that I might have something to press against my heart.”
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Perhaps you’re able to dance like John Travolta, Savion Glover or Fred Astaire. But for the rest of us who persistently need a helping rhythmic hand, dance lessons continue to be über necessary. Not only a place to dance, have fun and make new friends, Arthur Murray Dance Studios were and continue to be the perfect place to shake your booty to the measure of the music. If you’re determined to dance or you’re just interested in learning a few new moves for that upcoming wedding, Arthur Murray’s is a great place to learn the latest steps.

Arthur Murray was a dance instructor and businessman, whose name is most often associated with the dance studio chain that bears his name. At the age of 17, Arthur Murray began teaching dance at night while working as a draftsman by day and when the Arthur Murray dance studios were finally opened, others followed. His slogan was “If you can walk, we teach you how to dance.”

In the early eighties, after his 30-plus-year marriage to my mom ended, my dad floundered until he discovered the very same Arthur Murray dance studios in a neighboring town. Once there, he quietly and privately took classes. Although he continued to work nights at a neighboring steel mill and fish at every available moment, little did we know that he had also become obsessed by the lure of the ballroom floor. Unfortunately, it was not until after his death did my sister and brother and I finally come to know about his secret passion for the Fox Trot, the Hustle, the Jitterbug, the Mamba, the Quickstep, Rumba, Salsa, Swing, Tango, and even the Two-Step.

While dismantling his bachelor-pad (complete with waterbed—I said it was the 80s!) did we discover his secret stash of dance-duds - a walk-in closet entirely committed to his ever-growing collection of tuxedo jackets, coats with tails, overcoats, and dinner jackets in orchid-lavender, chocolate-brown, fuchsia-pink, sunshine-yellow, platinum-silver, periwinkle-blue, bubblegum-pink, cherry-red, turquoise, purple, scarlet-red, royal-blue, sage-green and Champaign, each with satin trimmed matching pants, and color mated bow ties, socks, fluorescent patent leather dance shoes, fancy cufflinks, silky handkerchiefs, cummerbunds and mountains of crisply laundered and ironed ruffled and flat fronted shirts.

Whether you’re a closeted dancehall gigolo like my dad or just someone who happens to like the shine of patent leather (still always suitable for Easter and summer footwear), remember to keep yours mirror shiny. Polish them using a soft cloth dampened with full strength white vinegar. Just wipe and gently rub until the shine is fully restored and the vinegar is no longer evident.

Although I never saw my dad do more than bait a hook or change the car’s oil, I can now also imagine him shifting his weight, turning, gliding, leaping, dipping, and shuffling - filled with elegant lively movements, show stopping acrobatic actions, erotic Bob Fosse-like gyrations, and, also just quietly yet gracefully dancing. By unearthing his treasure-trove of ballroom dance costumes my notion of my dad will be forever transformed from the clumsy flat-footed father I thought I knew into the suave yet sophisticated Gene Kelly he privately dreamed of becoming.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “Clean: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” and “Clean Body: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing Yourself” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). His books can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com.

Please consider the environment.

In Honor of National Poetry Month
~ I give you ~

Sonnet to a Slob

Your dishes are piled like skyscrapers
Your sink makes strangers step back.
Rather than bubbles you’re content with troubles
From the housekeeping skills that you lack.

Your dust bunnies corral under couches
Creating powdery white filth and light grime.
It’s not your quirk to go completely berserk
Because dirt in your home’s not a crime.

Your bath wears mold like a parka,
Housing microbes you could never outswim.
Your toilet is frightening; your sink could use brightening
Yours germs sing their own national hymn.

You’ve owned a Bissell, a Dyson, and Hoover,
Though your vacuum now hides in the closet.
You once screamed “Oh heck,” when your cherished Oreck,
Exploded in a cloudy deposit.

Your recycling and garbage are ever growing.
Your refuse overfills each wastebasket.
You’d rather grow bitter than make room for your litter
Or consider to organize, sort, bundle or mask it.

Your laundry’s never sorted by colors.
Your whites are often light-pink.
You’re nothing but smiles while you’re clothes sit in piles
And your dainties linger under your sink.

Your gauchos, white sandals and nude nylons,
Lost scungies, tube socks and shoulder pads,
Your hangers scamper while you dig through your hamper
‘Cause your closet’s filled with dated doodads.

Your grooming skills are not quite polished.
The wrinkles you wear leave you rancorous.
Your trousers are rumpled and your shirt’s clearly crumpled
Some might say that you’re ironing-cantankerous.

Your stove-top is covered with drippings
From the dinner you made yesterday.
Your spilled coffee has thickened, the rest leaves you sickened
Your home is a worrisome display.

Your coat is hung from a doorknob.
Your wet towel’s strewn on your bed.
You’re a cleaning sinner who trips over last night’s dinner
While you imagine a tidier home in your head.

While cleaning isn’t for all,
It’s a necessary task in each home.
Tidy up logically while cleaning ecologically,
And end your piggish syndrome.

Consider the words of this clean-freak.
Even though I can rant on and on.
Though I assert you needn’t convert
‘Cause with effort your mess will be gone.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “Clean: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” and “Clean Body: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing Yourself” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). His books can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com.

Please consider the environment.