Thursday, July 31, 2008

Harry Potter's Birthday
“Magic is believing in yourself,
if you can do that, you can make anything happen.”
~ Goethe


Somewhere within her fertile imagination, in her darkened inner alleyways crowded with personal Wizards and Muggles, finding comfort in the black and white of words on a page, and inventing a safe haven for herself (and her millions of readers) in a storybook universe, the author of the Harry Potter series, J.K. Rowling, created a mystical and magical life of spells, incantations, illusions and make-believe.

As a child she lived next to a graveyard, was drawn to the mystery of the nearby woods, and fantasized while cleaning her neighborhood church – all somewhat similar to the otherworldly confections she dreamed up and later inhabited with Harry Potter, the bespectacled, pop-cultural literary hero who once lived in a cubbyhole under the stairs in his evil Aunt and Uncle’s house.

Once an owl delivers a mysterious letter on his birthday, Harry learns that he’s not just a regular person, doomed to the abuses of his adoptive family. In an instant his life is changed, and we follow him while he discovers what it takes to become the wizard he was born to be.

Entering the unearthly wizards academy of Hogwarts, he studies Astronomy, Herbology, Potions, The Care of Magical Creatures, The History of Magic, Defense Against the Dark Arts, and other other-wordly pursuits. It’s where he learns to see into the future, finds his ability to change one object into another, masters flying a broomstick and crams his head with Charms.

Charms are positive magical spells that mesmerize and bedazzle people or things into making them behave differently or do something completely new. In Harry’s world there are charms that unlock doors, some that offer cheer, ones that dry water, others that make people grow in size, make things levitate, make buildings appear and then disappear, travel through time, prevent or allow eavesdropping, move objects, erase memory, cause uncontrollable laughter and my favorite… Scourgify: The Scouring Charm…the charm that cleans things.

Although Scourgify-ing is a minor, but useful, charm, its powers are used to clean unfortunate and otherwise nasty stuff from everyday surfaces. In the world of Harry Potter it’s used to clean feces (that’s’ a grown-up word for poop), it’s used to remove rancid odors, and it’s even used to wash bad attitudes from mouths.

For many, Potter’s world only began when Rowling’s written page was brought to life on the big screen, when folks from all walks of life sat in darkened theaters across the globe…soaking-in the words and images. But when reality breaks the shadowy mysticism of moviemaking, it’s then that we discover that we’re soaking in soda, popcorn and other super-sized movie snacks too.

But to Scourgify these kinds of stains in your Muggle home it’ll unfortunately take more than a wave of a wand or some hocus-pocus. Since I've never seen a dark carbonated beverage permanently stain anything (they usually come out in the wash), it’s the scourge of oil from the buttery flavor-topped popcorn that will be your only challenge.

Like any real wizard, you’ll need a pinch of this and dash of that. Any oil or grease based stain will need four basic ingredients to make them disappear: borax, baking soda, salt and white vinegar. Sprinkle a bit of each of the dry ingredients over the stain and then give it a splash of vinegar. You’ll have an instant “bubble-bubble, toil and (no) trouble!” Just scrub the area bit, let it sit a “spell” and then launder as usual. Presto-change-o, the grease stain has disappeared…as if by magic!

When the reality of life hits the proverbial fan and the true mystery and wizardry of life disappears, it’s the subliminal “magic” around us that makes it right again. Not the theatrics found within the pages of Harry Potter, but the simple stuff that occurs every day in small ways all around us. Magic isn’t something you need to go to Hogwarts to master. Magic is about having faith in yourself, your abilities to change, and your willingness to make anything…a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g... a reality.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (
www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on Hearst Publishing’s first online magazine, “The Daily Green” (www.thedailygreen.com). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal’s new eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com where you can send him your questions about housecleaning problems. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com). Please consider the environment.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Thread the Needle Day
“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”
~ Mahatma Gandhi

Yes, there actually is a Thread the Needle Day - I don’t make this stuff up! (Why there is a Thread the Needle Day, I haven’t a clue, but since there is one, we should celebrate it together!)

Whether you’re a tailor, seamstress, upholsterer, surgeon or just someone with a toe poking through a sock, almost anyone can sew. It all starts with choosing the right sewing needle.

“Sharps” are the most common type of needle, but there are plenty of others, too. There are “ballpoints” used for sewing knits, “betweens” used for tailoring, “bodkins” meant for threading elastic, “crewel” needles used for embroidery, “darning needles” meant for…darning (duh), “glovers” used for sewing leather, “milliners” used for basting and pleating (and hat-making, too, I suppose), “sail maker” needles used for sewing thick canvas, and “upholstery needles” used for sewing heavy fabrics, tufting or for tying quilts.

That’s probably more than you will ever need to know (or ever wanted to know) about needles. Now once you’ve chosen the right tool for the task at hand, cut a strand of thread, string, yarn, or filament long enough to sew up the deal. And with just a little spit to keep the ends moist and together - pass, loop, or wind it through the eye.

The eye or egg-shaped opening opposite the pointy end is meant for holding the thread during the act of sewing. Easier said than done - ya’, ya’, ya’…I know, I need to wear my bifocals - and for the visually or hand-eye coordination challenged, there’s always one of those wiry needle threading thingies that for some reason always seem to have the profile of Marie Antoinette embossed on them—but I digress.

The infamously undersized and difficult to thread openings are the very same ones mentioned metaphorically in holy passages from Judaic, Christian, and Islamic texts. Each religion has parables referencing the complexities of the material world (not material in the cloth sense, but material in the material sense) emhasizing the difficulty of change and the absurdity of our resistance to it even when something better is guaranteed. And there ya go…we bury our feet in the sand and the act of moving forward becomes kinda’ like passing something a whole lot bigger than thread through the eye of a needle.

To the uninformed, Thread the Needle Day is a celebration of those who baste, darn, embroider, hem, patch, tat or seam (Garment Workers of the World, Unite!). But looked at from a slightly different angle, we have a day that acknowledges the intense amount of energy and concentration it takes to walk that fine line, wrestle with difficulties, and overcome the distractions and obstacles life throws our way. (Teetering near a small “steaming pile” with the risk of falling into yet an even bigger one!)

Take for instance the example of “The Emperor's New Clothes” by Hans Christian Andersen - a fairy tale about traveling tailors and a self-involved leader who is eventually conned into wearing elegant duds supposedly invisible to people who are too dim-witted to recognize their true beauty, when it is really he who is too dim-witted to know that he is “butt nekked.” As the story goes - fully clad in his imaginary regalia the Emperor pranced his royal bareness throughout the town for all his people to see. Dressed in nothing but his birthday suit, the crowd, fearful of being thought brainless, foolish or thick, “Oohh-ed” and “Aahh-ed”…but for the voice of one small child willing to be different, thread that damn needle, speak truth to power and finally say, “The Emperor is naked.”

I’m guessing that none of you reading this has marched or run before a crowd in the raw (recently that is). I’m also willing to wager that the closest thing to “nude” or “running” that most of us ever experience in adulthood is an unfortunate tear in a certain shade of pantyhose—whether you’re wearing them or bellyaching about them drip-drying in the bathroom. But here’s a truly magical trick to prevent runs in new pantyhose…

First, wash the newly unwrapped pantyhose by hand and allow them to air dry. Then mix two cups of salt with one gallon of water and soak them for three hours. Just rinse them in cool water, and hang them up again till they’re dry as a bone. This will make your new hosiery stronger and less apt to run while you strut, stride or swagger.

Thread the Needle day is when each of us can courageously change the things we can, even if it’s just our pantyhose (ooh - that was bad, even for me!). No matter what your situation – in stitches, threadbare, or in a love-knot, we all can sew seeds for the future. And like that little kid in “The Emperor’s New Clothes,” speak truth to power, get through that proverbial eye of the needle, and embrace the changes in life that are certainly awaiting you.

Remember, threading that needle is change, and change is a choice…sew suture self.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (
www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on Hearst Publishing’s first online magazine, “The Daily Green” (www.thedailygreen.com). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal’s new eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com where you can send him your questions about housecleaning problems. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com). Please consider the environment.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

National Anti-Boredom Month
“What’s wrong with being a boring kind of guy?”
~ George Bush


Vacant, aloof, lethargic and sluggish…(Yawwwwn)…while lazily going through my calendar to see what I might write about this week…(Yawwwwn)…I drowsily discovered that this month is…(Yawwwwn)…National Anti-Boredom Month. (I somehow missed Nude Recreation Week—oh well, there’s always next year—whatever…Yawwwwn.)

Warm breezes and l-o-o-o-o-n-g lazy days filled with sunshine make this the…(Yawwwwn)…ideal season for boredom. Often underestimated, while being bored is when most folks kinda relax, put their feet up…(Yawwwwn)…chill out, maybe catch some shut-eye and, all-in-all, just take it mindlessly easy. When our guards are down, it’s also when we notice dumb stuff…cumulous clouds dancing across the crisp blue sky forming puffs that mimic mops, a windless whirl of cirrus that suddenly darkens into shadows of dustpans, and curls and swirls of nimbus clouds making unmistakable impressions of utility buckets. (What? I may occasionally get bored…(Yawwwwn)…but did you forget for a moment that I’m first and foremost a clean freak?)

OK, OK, snap out of it…enough of this nonsense!

While boredom is fine for a moment or two, for those of us who usually have ants our pants, we’re too busy to be bored—most of the time, we’re doing, doing, doing. (We just can’t make those voices shut-up!) I must admit that doing, doing, doing is my natural state of being – and hopefully, when in that state, my brain is fully engaged, too. When my noggin is in gear and my gray matter is running at full throttle I don’t have time to be bored. If you’re anything like me, more often than being bored, you’re inquiring, inquisitive, interested, interfering, intrusive, and investigating. And those are all good things, because the antidote to boredom is, yup…you guessed it…curiosity. (It may have killed the proverbial cat, but dollars to doughnuts, it won’t kill you.)

Curiosity happens when you enthusiastically explore your environment, survey your options, and simultaneously own both awe and doubt. It all starts with questioning the nuances of life, challenging the systems already in place, and bucking the authority around you. Because, if you didn’t already know…asking leads to knowing, knowing leads to understanding, understanding leads to thinking, thinking leads to mindfulness, and mindfulness leads to creativity.

So go out there and think that you can do anything, allow the world to be your oyster, examine the novelties around you, and embrace our changeable world. Albert Einstein long ago said, “The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.” Now there’s a man who was never bored!

So have fun, and while you’re allowing the world to be your oyster, remember that you can remove that smell of oysters from your hands by rubbing them with a halved lemon dipped in salt (What—did you actually think I would end this piece without a helpful cleaning tip!!??)

So, no matter what your age, stay curious, use your head, commit to learning one new thing every day, and always remember…when you say that you’re bored, others might just think you’re boring.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (
www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on Hearst Publishing’s first online magazine, “The Daily Green” (www.thedailygreen.com). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal’s new eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com where you can send him your questions about housecleaning problems. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com). Please consider the environment.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

The Dalai Lama’s Birthday &
National Fried Chicken Day

“Religion is no more the parent of morality
than an incubator is the mother of a chicken.”

~Lemuel K. Washburn

While pecking around for a name, the residents of a small town in Alaska almost settled on the name Ptarmigan. (…heh?) Problem was that nobody there could agree on how to spell it. Seemingly determined to become the butt of jokes, they simply decided on the name “Chicken” instead. Moist, plump, juicy, and with all the delicacy and richness you’d expect, the year-round population of Chicken, Alaska usually wavers somewhere between 17 and 37 people. And when visiting you’ll find the usual breasts, legs, and thighs – as part of the poultry and the local citizenry alike. But if you’re on the hunt for a fried chicken fast-food chain, you might not find it in Chicken but perhaps in a town close by.

Now most folks either just plain ol’ love or really hate fried chicken…I’m in the first group. My friend, Lynda, makes the most mouth-wateringly delicious, spicy fried chicken I’ve ever had. (I wish I could eat it every day!) In the off chance of your being lucky enough to ever experience Lynda’s amazing culinary craft for yourself, as per the 2007 Bon Appetit search for the “Best Fried Chicken in the U.S,” you’ll need to travel either to Blackberry Farm in Walland, TN, Price’s Chicken Coup in Charlotte, NC, or to Willa Mae’s Scotch House in New Orleans to find anything close to hers!

And if you’re not a gourmet, and don’t mind your chicken fresh from the hopper and served up in a bucket while tailgating, there are pedestrian mainstream varieties available, too. The most famous chain is the one with the old dude with the white hair, beard and suit…you know who I’m talking about. “The Colonel” made fried chicken his finger-lickin' lifetime passion. As the company’s spokesman, he touted its eleven secret herbs and spices all day, every day.

And then there is that other group that despises fried chicken. In the event that you have the great fortune to chat with the Dalai Lama, whatever you do - don’t mention fried chicken - it’s a very touchy subject for His Holiness. Psssst…in case you didn’t know, he’s actually asked the parent company of “you-know-who” to refrain from opening their fast food outlets in his homeland of Tibet. So while fried chicken won’t make its way to Mt. Everest anytime soon thanks to the Dalai Lama, some other gastronomic who-dunit’s like “Pizza Gut” and “Taco Hell,” both owned by the Colonel’s parent company, will. (How could Mr. Lama hate fried chicken but be okay with mass-produced doughy pizzas and ersatz Mexican food?)

To his great credit, the Dalai Lama doesn’t judge others for enjoying the Colonel’s Original Secret or even his Extra Crispy Recipes. (Whew…what a relief. My partner Richard and I went on vacation to Puerto Rico, and instead of experiencing the delicious native cuisine, we mostly consumed variety buckets along with industrial sized sodas, instead.) In His Holiness’s letter to the folks who make that fried chicken so mmm-mmm good, the Dalai Lama stated that he has been “particularly concerned with the sufferings of chickens.”

Nobel Peace Prize winner, Birthday-boy, recipient of numerous human rights and humanitarian awards, the head of state and spiritual leader of the Tibetan people, not to mention the hero of hens everywhere, Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama, lives in the mountain town of Dharamsala in northern India, where he maintains a government in exile. And while The Dalai Lama enjoys a reputation of sainthood that’s supported by his sage words and humanistic deeds, good guess is that he won’t be enjoying Fried Chicken on his birthday or at any other occasion.

But in the event that you happen to love the Southern Fried bird, just be careful making it. The causes of grease fires are often attributed to pans of hot oil being left on a burning stove. So if by chance your range is engulfed in flames - either in Chicken, Alaska, in your own hometown, or even in Dharamsala - extinguish the grease fire by sprinkling baking soda all over it until the flames are out.

And so, teaching us to approach love and cooking with both mindfulness and reckless abandon, our birthday-boy, The Dalai Lama, has lovingly reproached “The Colonel” for his continuing to cook and recklessly deep-fat fry those tasty birds, anywhere - but particularly in Tibet.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (
www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on Hearst Publishing’s first online magazine, “The Daily Green” (www.thedailygreen.com). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal’s new eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com where you can send him your questions about housecleaning problems. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com). Please consider the environment.

Friday, July 4, 2008

Independence Day &
Tom Sawyer Fence-Painting Day

"A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds."
~Mark Twain


I’m self-sufficient, and often (well…sometimes) independent. And yes, I’ve even painted a few fences in my day…scalloped, straight edged, dog-eared, flat top, French Gothic, wrought iron, and even the simpler traditional white picket variety.

In the event that you’ve never had the thrill of doing so yourself, it goes something like this - in the blazing sun you stand at one end with a bucket of paint in one hand and a brush in the other, sighing, dipping your brush in the paint, sighing some more, dripping paint here and there, swiping the paint-filled brush up and down said fence, wiping the sweat from your brow, only to repeat this over and over, again and again, interminably from one boring end to the other—wishing you were anywhere else, doing anything else.

Independent thinking is a rarity these days, but it’s a bare necessity when hoping to see and act clearly. And clearly the independent and fast-thinking Tom Sawyer, the smart-aleck kid whose adventures were brought to life in the book by Mark Twain, made whitewashing his fence look like such a blast that he was able to dupe all his friends into doing the tedious job for him while he kicked-back, soaked in the sun and simply watched - thereby delegating and declaring his independence from fence painting.

Independence Day, also known as The 4th of July, commemorates the 1776 event when our nation’s founding fathers signed The Declaration of Independence – a watershed of clarity in the history of democracy that united the American colonies and once and for all clearly declared our independence from the tyrannical rule of Great Britain.

What’s more, Independence Day is the nation's Birthday and what better way to pull out the stops than by celebrating with parades, patriotic displays, picnics, pyrotechnics and just about anything red, white and/or blue…including paint for fences.

Now in the event that you don’t have the clarity of mind or the independent spirit necessary to properly clean your paintbrushes in a timely fashion, you can soften hardened bristles by soaking them in hot full-strength white vinegar. Place the vinegar in a glass or plastic cup in the microwave (or in a pan on the range top) and bring it to a slow boil. Remove it from the heat sou
rce and soak your paintbrushes in it overnight. That usually does the trick.

The iconic and metaphorical “white picket fence” has become a symbol embodying the so-called American Dream. But in reality, it needs continual maintenance. So in lieu of the fence or the smarts to get your friends to paint it for you, how does one achieve the American Dream? Maybe it’s in moments of independence, when we see and act with clarity, and when our original ideas succeed, that the dream is found in our own definitions…not Tom Sawyer’s.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on Hearst Publishing’s first online magazine, “The Daily Green” (www.thedailygreen.com). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal’s new eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com where you can send him your questions about housecleaning problems. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com). Please consider the environment.