Thanksgiving
(Wickedly Blessed)

I toast considerations for stemming the tide of man-made climate change and of slowing the melting of ice caps. I offer up a “Whoop-whoop!” to the victories over drought, wildfires and endangered species, and even relish in the warm new green-alternative menu being served up in Washington. Indeed, I’m thankful for the oncoming cornucopia of change. But for some dumb reason, while I’m a thankful person and feel wickedly blessed - I’m just not crazy about Thanksgiving. It’s just too much work for so little payback. It’s a holiday with its own personal, familial carbon footprint (which, in fact, it does—but that’s for another column). So instead of rambling on about Thanksgiving like the love-child of Norman Rockwell and Martha Stewart, I’ve written a poem about the humble edible dinosaur-throwback that sits center stage while reviving our family dysfunctions.

Ode to The Turkey

The life of a turkey pre-golden is sickening.

Please let me share while your gravy is thickening.

Some think it’s weird, nasty, gory or strange,
To feast on a bird that once roamed the range.

From newly hatched poult to the moment he’s plated,
Meat from a creature once so adulated.
The esteem of this poor, tasty, “almost” national bird,
Of whom we eat mountains - ‘til our vision is blurred.

He’s fattened and handled and coddled for days,
Until he no longer can stand on the weight that he weighs.
From his birth through his prime, he’ll never deduce,

That he was meant to be garneed with roasted produce.

Often tranquil, serene and never malicious,

Clumsy and awkward, but when cooked, to some he’s delicious.
If crafty and cunning and devious he’d be,
He’d potentially skedaddle and flee filled with glee.

Unfortunately he’s dumb, flat-footed, ungainly,

A life on the plain beginning so plainly.
But today he’s honored with a place of distinction,
Tomorrow perhaps he’ll be gone or be close to extinction.

Until that occurs, he’ll be gorged on by us,
His carcass bound with a string-forming truss.
Golden and delivered from the oven with sighs,
While some fight over wings, others the thighs.

I can’t stand turkey or the mess one must make,
While shopping or baking or preparing to partake.
If thankfulness is displayed by this time-honored route,
Please - have extra turkey. I’ll do without

As it says in the book of Psalms, ”Come unto his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise.” Now I’m pretty certain that they weren’t speaking about the food court at the mall – though how thankful I would be if they were - that’s where I’d rather be this Thanksgiving - eating french fries and sticky buns.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal-Bravo’s eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com. (http://www.greenisuniversal.com/ask_mr_green.php) “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com).

Please consider the environment.

Obama-kinda-clean
“God looks at the clean hands, not the full ones.”
~Publilius Syrus

While he was campaigning in 2000, George Bush used to say that when he got into the White House he would give the Oval Office "one heck of a scrubbing” making allusions to the traces of “icky-bits” that Bill Clinton left behind.

When his term was complete, Mr. Clinton took only his favorite personal belongings – minus that assumed “something special.” So Mr. Bush, at taxpayers’ expense, gave everything else Clinton had left behind the “heave-ho,” with the exception of the massive oak desk made famous during the Kennedy years.

Being the president of the United Stated means that you’re the leader of the free world - you’re the big cheese, the Commander-in-Chief, the “decider” and “Numero-Uno.” The buck stops with you and you’re responsible for running a clean-ship.

That said, I can’t imagine John F. Kennedy caring about cobwebs, Bush scrubbing the bowl (though the image does make me smile), Dwight D. dusting, Clinton clearing out the cupboards, Woodrow Wilson doing windows, Truman taking out the trash, Hoover pushing a Hoover (except perhaps his wife), Johnson adjusting the drapes, Ford cleaning the floors, Lincoln doing laundry, Teddy tidying rooms, Nixon neatening anything (except for scrubbing 18 minutes worth of audio-tape), F.D.R. fluffing and folding, or Carter cleaning the crystal.

In actuality, the nuts and bolts of cleaning in the White House falls onto the shoulders of a special branch of the White House cleaning crew called the Executive Residence Staff.

The Bush family has occupied the White House for eight dirt-filled years, and while there isn’t a U-Haul back to Crawford in the driveway yet, they clearly have one foot out the door, making ready for the new 44th President - Barack Obama - and his family. (The Executive Residence Staff are gonna’ have their hands full preparing for the Obamas…that house is bound to be nasty.)

In preparation for our new Democratic President, how do those in charge of housekeeping intend to get eight years of Republican stains and smears out of the White House? There are those actual blood stains from when the Bush’s dog “Barney” bit a reporter, and the smears from the likes of Karl Rove. Quite possibly there are moose droppings tracked in by Sarah “Recently Tagged and Released” Palin's snowshoes (though there were no reports of her visiting) but there are those nasty vomit stains from when “W” choked on pretzels. Oh, and let’s not forget the burn marks on the new Oval Office rug left when Satan and George exchanged the presidency for the remainder of his soul.

In January 2009, when Barack Obama is sworn in as President, he will bring with him our hopes for so many new-and-improved, spick-and-span changes …a clean economy, clean peace, clean civil rights, clean jobs, clean housing, clean health-care, clean energy, clean technology, clean emissions and maybe even new clean industry with new clean green collars.

And while blood from the bite of a pooch, moose droppings from the shoes an Alaskan Governor, and or even vomit from a residing President can be dealt with by housekeeping – the blood on his hands and the rest of Bush’s dirty little secrets can never be scrubbed away.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal-Bravo’s eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com. (http://www.greenisuniversal.com/ask_mr_green.php) “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com).

Please consider the environment.

America Recycles Day
“In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away.
They make it into television shows.”
~Woody Allen

Americans generate almost twice the amount of trash of other developed countries – a whopping 4 pounds of garbage per person everyday. That’s 301,139,947 U.S. residents producing just about four pounds of trash each equaling 1,204,559,788 pounds or 602,280 tons of trash each day…the weight of about 580,000 Liberty Bells.

The U.S. currently has approximately 3,000 active landfills. Buried and minimally forgotten (unless you live near one) the trash that each American creates leads to water contamination, land erosion, methanol off-gassing, and disgusting odors. (Peee-euw!) Much of this tonnage of waste within the landfills actually retards bio-degration, therefore defeating their intentions.

An overhaul to landfill systems, recycling, making producers and manufacturers responsible for the end-life of their products, biodegradable packaging, and learning to adjust the way we as individuals consume, are all part of the long-term solution. But when it comes down to it - it’s our own responsibility to reduce, reuse and recycle, and to become more educated about the long-term consequences of landfills, and the endless benefits offered by up-cycling and recycling paper, plastic, glass, aluminum, scrap metal, and fabric.

75 percent of trash is recyclable but unfortunately only 25 percent actually gets recycled. Curbside recycling makes it easy for households to be part of the solution. It’s easy to divert materials from landfills and incinerators. Here are some things to consider when you’re recycling.

PAPER:
When adequately exposed to the elements, paper decomposes completely in 2-5 months. But if thrown away as regular trash, once the plastic bag itself eventually deteriorates in about 20 years, then maybe the paper entombed inside the plastic trash-bag will finally have its chance to decompose as well. Sadly - paper in all its many shapes and sizes - amounts to almost half of what we end up sending to landfills. However, if Americans recycled just one tenth of their paper, it would save 25 million trees a year

If you read anything in print you should know that the act of recycling paper decreases the demand for virgin pulp thereby reducing the devastation of forests, and the overall amount of air and water pollution created during the manufacture of the paper. It's always best to separate paper into white office paper, newspaper, cardboard, and mixed-color paper, and tie each type separately. Once sorted and bundled, carry the items to be picked up curbside at the appropriate time on the designated days for your community.

PLASTIC:
In 1988, the American Society of the Plastics Industry developed the resin identification code that is used to indicate the most common polymer materials used in the manufacture of a product or in packaging to assist recyclers with sorting the collected materials.

To check the recycle-ability of a plastic item, look to see if there’s a Universal Recycling Symbol (URS--usually on the bottom). Next, look to see if there’s a number inside the triangle. The numbers are meant to give us a leg up on what kinds of resins were used. If there is no number, then the material is considered “generically recyclable” (in which case there are codes beneath or near the triangle indicating the materials used). Each number, from 1 to 7 indicates what type of polymer was used.

At the moment it’s only economically viable to recycle items with a URS triangle with the No. 1 which is PET or PETE (polyethylene terephthalate) or No. 2, which is HDPE (high-density polyethylene). But scattered across our great nation, local recycling programs are stretching the range of plastics that might be recycled as the technology to do so becomes available. (It takes 20 years for a plastic bag to decompose but up to 250 years for a plastic cup to decompose.)

GLASS:
Glass that finds its way into recycling systems is usually comprised of clear, green, and brown bottles and broken glassware - and when recycled - the process uses less energy than manufacturing glass from scratch and doesn’t produce the same carbon dioxide as when it is newly manufactured. (A glass bottle takes 4,000 years or more to decompose - even longer if it's in the landfill.)


ALUMINUM:
Aluminum may be reused by simply re-melting the metal - it’s energy efficient and a lot less expensive than making new. (It takes 500 years for an aluminum can to decay.)

SCRAP METAL:
Aluminum lawn chairs, bicycles, cabinets, chain link and wire fencing, doors, grills, household appliances, iron furniture, lawn mowers (with oil and gas drained) metal sheds (disassembled), railings, refrigerators and freezers (doors must be removed), sewing machines, shower stalls, swing sets, wire clothes hangars…at sometime they all become scrap. Instead of sending then to the dump consider a curbside scrap metal collection. When arranged in advance, pickup is often free and made on your regular recycling day. (Don’t place your scrap metal items into your blue bin.)

FABRIC:
The best way to recycle fabric is to contribute your old duds to a charitable organization. According to the Environmental Protection Agency's Office of Solid Waste, Americans have dumped over 9 million tons of just about anything with a thread count into landfills nationwide.

When you donate your unwanted, unraveling, or otherwise thread-worn garments to your favorite charity - even though it probably won’t end up resold as clothing for someone in need - it will probably have a very green reincarnation through re-sale to individuals and textile recyclers.

Unfortunately no man or woman comes with an operational manual (well, at least I’ve never found mine!) Turning a new leaf to becoming “green” can seem overwhelming. By not considering our carbon footprint, spending habits, and waste, we’re all adding to global warming by not recycling. Locate the recycling guide provided by your city, state or county (the regulations change from region to region) and keep it handy.

When it comes to cleaning your recyclables, to prevent critters or bugs, it’s fine to rinse your metal cans, glass and plastic containers. But no need to go nuts - the heat used during the recycling process deals with many contaminants.

As it says on the Liberty Bell, “Proclaim Liberty throughout all the Land unto all the Inhabitants thereof.” By working together - and by using our noggins - our actions will produce a healthier land and a healthier environment for all the inhabitants thereof.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal-Bravo’s eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com. (http://www.greenisuniversal.com/ask_mr_green.php) “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com).

Please consider the environment.

Housewife Day
“As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive
when my husband gets home from work –
then hey - I've done my job.”

~Roseanne Barr

“Susie Homemaker” is the iconic (and fictitious) 1950s American housewife who summons up recollections of freshly baked apple pie, a gentle squeeze when you crawl into bed at night, and the ever-ready bandage over a fresh boo-boo. She’s the Stepford Wife image of perfection and the ideal wife and mother devoted entirely to her home and family. (Remember Lucy Ricardo, Donna Reed, Laura Petry, and June Cleaver vacuuming in high heels?) I mean, c’mon, even the Eisenhower years had moms like the newly-exonerated Ethel Rosenberg, Joan Crawford and Mrs. Robinson!!!

As the fog of reality lifts, we begin to notice that times have changed and so have our (mis)perceptions, if in fact such an “über-mom” like her ever existed. Today she’d be portrayed in a post-feminist stereotype of a woman on the go juggling family, health, career and home, with enough time left over for scrapbooking, gourmet cooking, volunteering at the local food co-op, and shopping for (and actually wearing) her Manolo Blahniks.

Today’s stay-at-home mom is more probably a “domestic diva” stuck at the stove “expressing” herself by frying up eggs, sleep-deprived from watching her newborns and toddlers and changing dirty diapers, ensnared back-at-the-ranch and finding her center by desperately trying to keep up with Martha Stewart (let alone the Jones’), shuttling her kids from soccer practice to clarinet lessons to dance rehearsals. Any which way you look at it - being a housewife has gotta’ be hard work.

Househusbands and dads, too, have joined the parade of parents who now make up the ever-growing genderless crowd responsible for caring for a household…it’s not just for the ladies anymore! The individual who stays at home – man or woman - is oftentimes the one who’s usually financially dependent on the other partner. To the surprise of those who aren’t at home around the clock and are fulltime out in the workplace, they too benefit from the unwaged work provided by the one working at home. (If compared to what it might cost for each and every task by someone collecting a paycheck, the take home pay for the average homemaker would be approximately $138,000!)

Still preferred by many, but also thought by scores of folks to be an antiquated and derogatory term, being a “housewife” harkens back to a time when one income could support all of the bells and whistles necessary to keep an entire family well clothed, fed and living within an acceptable middle class style. But unfortunately it was also a time when housewives and single women had less than equal rights. For instance just within the past 100 years - they couldn’t vote; didn’t have the right to hold public office; if they worked, the range of occupational choices was very narrow; they weren’t offered fair wages or equal pay for equal work; they were denied the opportunity to own property or a home; they weren’t allowed an education; they were forbidden to serve in the military; they weren’t offered the possibility of entering into legal contracts or even to have the most basic rights including marital, parental and religious rights. In fact, women were considered chattel.

Housewife Day at least acknowledges the magnitude of importance that stay-at-home wives and moms, (and yes - husbands and dads, too) deserve.

My mom, in her own weird way, was a hybrid of an ever-mindful-eco-friendly-Susie-Homemaker long before such status was imaginable. In the 60’s - as a stay-at-home parent of three, she made clothes for the entire family, did her own hair (“Hmmm? Nice Toni-home perm, mom!”), knit and crocheted beautiful sweaters by hand, canned and preserved pickles, jams, fruit, sauces and preserves, made bread almost every day, made her own yogurt, invented toys out of scraps of this-and-that, gardened, mowed the lawn, painted rooms in record time and even made purses for my sister out of old jeans.

Clever as she was, she also made cleaning into a game. (This is this week’s tip – so listen up. Try it. My mom used it effectively on my brother, sister and I until we were in our teens. We were either dolts or else she had something going on here!)

On Saturdays mom would make a cleaning list and tear it into bits, folding them into a bowl. My brother, sister and I “could choose” (Thanks mom - give and give and give!) until all of the pieces were gone and we could then begin to open them one by one.

“I get to clean the bathroom!” “I'm going to rake leaves!” “I'm going to change the beds!” “I'm going to sweep the sidewalk!” we’d each exclaim, as if it were a treat. The first one to complete all the tasks written on their selections pulled from the bowl would “win.”

Win??!! No, we didn’t win a dollar or an ice cream sundae or anything like that - we just “won.” To my mom, having a clean house by the hands of her eager and “winning” children was, in itself, the prize.

To this day, when cleaning, I first make a list and cross off each chore when completed and then think to myself “Hooray, I won!!”

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal-Bravo’s eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com. (http://www.greenisuniversal.com/ask_mr_green.php) “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com).

Please consider the environment.