New Years Eve
The only way to spend New Year’s Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel.
--W.H. Auden

My partner’s dad, Marvin, a restaurateur, always called New Years Eve “Amateur Night.” It’s the one night of the year that even the lightweights feel they need to be out “partying”—pretending to know the words to "Auld Lang Syne," (Can somebody tell me what those words mean?), tying one on publicly by chug-a-lugging Champaign, publicly declaring a soon-to-be-forgotten New Year’s resolution, smooching with strangers they’d probably never even shake hands with if sober, oooh-ing under fireworks, dancing till dawn, and, in general, disregarding any limits of decorum while bidding a fond adieu to the passing of the old, and crying out a big-ol’ “Hey there!” for the coming of the new. That’s how most of us celebrate on December 31st. On New Year’s Eve folks will be huddled in bars, splayed out in swanky eateries, attending or throwing a party, or quietly tucked into bed vicariously watching the festivities of others on TV. But across the globe, millions of people will be lost in the massive crowds in New York City’s Times Square watching the ball drop, carrying on at the Moulin Rouge in Paris, whooping it up in London’s Trafalgar Square, bar-hopping and go-cupping in New Orleans, gambling and drinking along Las Vegas’ glittery strip, soaking in waist-high foam at Singapore's Siloso Splash, partying harbor-side at Dawes Point in Sydney, dancing with strangers on the Piazza del Popolo in Rome, or crammed onto Copacabana Beach in Rio. No matter how they do it (or where), running wild and/or barely comatose, most revelers will be hell-bent on having a rocking good time. (An evening to remember…yah’ right!)

Let’s face it, no matter how old or young we are, partiers or not, at some point in our lives we’ve all “been there.” And while attending public celebrations might make ignoring the mess left behind easier, most of us at one time or another have either hosted or attended a friend’s New Years Eve Party. As a veteran of the New Year’s Eve Wars, I can attest that there is just no polite way to describe the aftermath—the “remains of the day” so to speak. So here’s this eco-cleaner’s no-brainer tip for the day after.

First… you'll want to remove as much of the puke from your carpeting as possible. Wipe it up the best you can till it's as dry and as clean as you can make it. (Yah, I know it’s gross, but get over yourself—there’s just no easy way to talk about this!). Follow the wipe-up by sprinkling the violated area with baking soda, rubbing it deeply into the fibers of the carpet.

Now here’s the easy part...leave the now-baking-soda-covered mess behind. That's right. Just walk away from the offender until you can stomach it. (And for God’s sake, do anything but have another cocktail!) Then, in the bright light of day…that is, when you can clearly see your feet again… vacuum up the dried baking soda and, voila, the you-know-what should hopefully be gone.

In your attempts to create lasting New Years Eve memories, remember that what we actually have on this night is the rare opportunity of looking forward and backward simultaneously, and if we’re lucky, we’ll actually find ourselves momentarily in the present. So whatever it is that you end up doing on December 31st, have respect for your body and for those around you, and, with as little or as much of your dignity intact, make the most of a wonderful night.

(FYI…I don’t keep my resolutions…I recycle them.)

Happy New Year!

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of whom benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on www.dailygreen.com. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com.

Christmas

“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory,
like a thunderstorm,
and we all go through it together.”
--Garrison Keillor

Each year on Christmas day, my family back home gets together, gobbles down a huge brunch and then sprawls out on couches till the worst of their digestive grief passes.

Next comes the exchanging of presents, and even though last year it started turning an eerie shade of black, my cousin Patti and her brother Dave will once again pass the same fruitcake back and forth, as they’ve done for years - disguising it in countless creative ways (you might say it’s the “ultimate” in recycling!). Ahhh—traditions!

Endless shopping, shimmering-ly wrapped gifts, songs of a swaddled savior, stacks of sweet snacks, swarms of spiteful siblings, endless displays of holiday who-ha, and a month’s worth of holiday shin-digs far too plentiful to attend, can bring every last nerve to a frazzle. When you feel overwhelmed—stop for a minute (if you can), take a deep breath, and think about holidays past…and if you’re lucky enough to have them, let recollections of forgotten silly traditions, ridiculous rituals and any warm memories flood to the surface.

When the season’s pressures get to me, I whip up some of my best Yuletide thoughts. One of my fav’s includes a late night as a “tweener” spent with my mom, when just she and I decorated the entire tree. We waited until my dad left for his usual midnight shift at the steel mill and my older brother, John, and twin sister, Mags, were sound asleep. With our shaky old wooden ladder positioned below the attic door we carefully lowered the branches and trunk of our un-assembled fake wire and wood Christmas tree. We’d quietly set it up in the living room, and then we unloaded box after box of tissue-wrapped ornaments and decorations…funny toy characters that spoke of the 60s, hokey plastic elves, figurines of the nativity, miles of vivid electric lights, handmade candles in jelly jars with arrangements of artificial flocked foliage, and, the piéce de resistance, my mom’s treasured faded mercury glass ornaments and strings of glass beads brought with her when she and her family immigrated from Holland.

We stayed up till dawn eating the Christmas cookie rejects, and listening to holiday tunes by Henry Mancini and Herb Alpert and his Tijuana Brass playing whisper-soft on the record player, while debating the placement of each ornament until all of the boxes were emptied and our home, like millions of others, was temporarily transformed into a gaudy-multi-colored-holiday-wonderland.

But my favorite Christmas memory is one that has stayed with me all these years and still makes me laugh: Though my mom wasn’t the best cook on the planet (my sister will disagree with me on this one), boy could she bake! So at Christmas time, while the fruitcake and eggnog may have come from the store, come hell or high water, cookies by the dozens were always homemade—walnut-chocolate-chip, peanut-butter, sugar, oatmeal-raisin, pecan-sandies, lemon bars and, once she could trust Mags and I to do more than just put our thumbprints on those cookies, we got to hand-decorate gingerbread men.

Annually, our kitchen would become bake-central with mom’s arsenal of metal cookie sheets and glass pans. The floury-fog, the smell of butter, chocolate, ginger, vanilla, cinnamon, and nutmeg and the clutter of sweeteners, extracts, eggs, homemade jellies and jams, candied fruit and colorful sugars created the perfect distraction from the mile-high stack of dirtied bowls, greasy spatulas, and gooey electric-mixer-beater do-dads that she kept piling in the sink, so as not to distract from the day’s baking adventures that lay ahead.

Starting early, Mom did the mixing and the baking, and though still half asleep, Mags and I were the gingerbread artists. We were presented with wobbly cookie sheets filled with “naked” cookie-men. We dressed the uniform shapes till each was one-of-a-kind, and then lined tray after tray anywhere we could find—unfilled counter space, the unused refrigerator top, and any unoccupied chair in proud anticipation of our creations being magically transformed into edible delights by just a few minutes in the heat of mom’s oven.

While still groggy and in need of a breather I sat down…on an unsuspecting, unbaked tray of fully decorated ginger-dudes.

Squish.

Uh-huh. That’s right. Even though it was 35 years ago, I can still clearly remember the feeling of those soft, semi-moist doughboys oozing into the seat of my favorite pajamas. Trying to act nonchalant, I quietly pealed them off my backside one by one. I can still remember that feeling of gloom, because I had trashed the unbaked gems we’d just worked so hard on. But all my attempts at “coolness” soon turned into an awkward 10-year-old’s humiliation.

Try as she might, mom could never completely remove those psychedelic stains, and what remained were the permanent imprints of those sugary multi-colored silhouetted Gingerbread men on the tush of my favorite PJs which I refused to let her throw away. Ironically, however, what had started out as an embarrassing mishap oddly turned into a year-long flamboyant and giggly reminder of Christmas and the recollection of my mom and sister every time I saw the troop of red, green, yellow and blue men marching across the butt-side of my pajamas.

That cookie-catastrophe taught me a lesson. Some spots aren’t worth removing and a calamity can sometimes become a brilliant memory that you hold onto for life.

Christmas can easily become blurred into a “twister of imposed joy” for which the commercialized season has become so well known. So this year, if things go wrong or get hectic, try to remember that the opposite of disorder and commotion is “peace”—which is the true meaning of the celebration, after all.

This holiday season, let’s all be mindful to offer to others care, kindness, tolerance, and charity. But you might also consider offering up your favorite Christmas memory to those you love—it can be a more valuable present than anything you can gift wrap. And every time you see a gingerbread man, I hope you’ll smile and think of the ones once plastered to my derriere so many Christmases ago.

Merry Christmas!

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of whom benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on www.dailygreen.com. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com.

Human Rights Day
“The price of hating other human beings is loving oneself less”.
Eldridge Cleaver

The Universal Declaration of Human Rights came into being on December 10, 1948 through the hard work and leadership of Eleanor Roosevelt and the General Assembly of the newly formed United Nations. It’s a living document that defines and defends the highest goals of worldwide human rights by keeping us aware of the violations of economic, social, cultural, environmental, sexual, political and civil rights globally and makes us each recognize that dignity is the cornerstone of freedom, fairness and harmony in the world.

Human Rights Day lets us recognize and honor the complexity and diversity of each individual and the basic rights that every human being wants and deserves: to be healthy and clean, to be well fed, to drink fresh water, to breath fresh air, to live life abundantly, to freely become who we are meant to be, to go where we please, to love those we choose, to construct a family in our own way, to have safe shelter, to be secure wherever we are, to pray to the higher power of our choosing, to have honest work and be paid accordingly, to have the opportunity to prosper, to be well educated, to be expressive and creative, and to find an open horizon where we may develop our private thoughts and personal opinions.

We acknowledge Human Rights Day because in all of our apparent abundance and freedoms, there are so many who go without. We often take so much for granted and expect others to do what we are unwilling to do. The truth of the matter is that, now, more than at any other time in human history, the future literally lies in our hands. As members of an enormous human family, not only do we need to care for ourselves, our families and friends but be mindful of our planet, our freedoms, our civil and human rights, and the struggles for those rights by faceless and nameless others across the globe.

Our ever-shrinking world is filled with millions of people for whom basic human rights are only a dream. As citizens of the world, we need to fight to help make their dream a reality.

"Where, after all, do universal human rights begin? In small places, close to home -- so close and so small that they cannot be seen on any maps of the world. Yet they are the world of the individual person; the neighborhood he lives in; the school or college he attends; the factory, farm or office where he works. Such are the places where every man, woman and child seeks equal justice, equal opportunity, equal dignity without discrimination. Unless these rights have meaning there, they have little meaning anywhere. Without concerned citizen action to uphold them close to home, we shall look in vain for progress in the larger world."
~Eleanor Roosevelt

[For more information on the United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights, visit http://www.un.org/Overview/rights.html]

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of whom benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on www.dailygreen.com. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com.

Hanukkah
The “Festival of Lights”

At this time of year, Jewish folks the world over celebrate Hanukkah, and have done so for a bazillion years. According to the Old Testament, the Jewish Maccabees (who had just “whooped” the butts of the ruling Syrians) were about to rededicate the newly sanctified Holy Temple in Jerusalem. The blessing required enough purified oil to burn for their eight days of festivities…but there was only one small jar of holy oil to be found—enough to burn for just one day. Miraculously, the oil kept a bright flame burning in the temple for all eight days.

Hanukkah…a fun, child-centered holiday celebrated by singing songs and playing children’s games is observed by exchanging small presents on each night, and eating special food (potato pancakes, anyone?). But most importantly, the holiday is celebrated by lighting a Hanukkah candelabra called a Menorah.

Each night candles are lit, one candle on the first night, two candles on the second night and so on until there are eight candles lit representing the miracle of the eight days the oil lasted. Known as the “Festival of Lights,” the glow of the Hanukkah candles isn’t meant for the illumination of your home, but rather, is for the illumination from your house to the outside world, so that anyone who sees the burning candles might be reminded of the holiday's miracle.

I like the simplicity and thoughtfulness of Hanukkah. (It stands in stark contrast to the traditions of my family, which included lugging a big, musty, plastic tree out of the attic and then spending weeks decorating and then un-decorating it.) Each year, my Jewish partner and I light candles at sundown every night of the holiday. With the Menorah set on a shelf below our front hallway mirror, he and I stand together with our dog, ‘Jack,’ circling our ankles. As my partner Richard says the Hanukkah prayers in Hebrew and the candles are lit, they beautifully illuminate the entryway transom and dining room windows with their warm twinkling glow.

The distinctive, multi-colored Hanukkah candles must be left to burn out by themselves—usually in about 30 minutes, and, to this neat-freak’s chagrin, they often drip onto the silver Menorah or the shelf below.

Did I say dripping candles? Yes, Hanukkah candles do sometimes drip. Sure, there are always distractions from every family ritual, but try to “be in the moment” and don’t slip into “freak-out” mode just because something isn’t going as planned. Things happen and often the unforeseen can lead to the surprise of a lifetime. (e.g. the miracle of Hanukkah in the first place!). In the event of sloppy candles, ignore them, say your prayers, chase your loved ones around the house looking for hidden Hanukkah gelt (chocolate “coins” wrapped in gold foil), and eat to your heart’s content. It’s just a little wax and it can be cleaned up tomorrow - yes, even a compulsive cleaner like me can chill out once in a while!

When I’ve crawled out from under the covers the next morning, in the bright light of day, I examine the spoils of the prior evening. Candle wax—whether from Hanukkah candles or from the tapers you burn in Grandma’s heirloom sterling candelabra on other holidays—is a no-brainer to remove from either hard or fabric surfaces.

Even though I’m bald, I keep a hairdryer on hand, and re-purpose it for removing dribbly-drops of paraffin from any hard surface. I just point and shoot…set on the lowest heat setting; it will soften the wax enough to be easily pealed away. Any residue can be gently wiped away with newspaper, paper towel or a household rag. The hairdryer also comes in handy to soften the wick remains of burned-out candles to easily scoop them out of the candleholder, making way for the next set of candles.

For soft surfaces such as linens, rugs, draperies or upholstered furnishings, an electric iron works best. Cover the hardened heap of wax with a few layers of recycled newspaper, and melt the paraffin through the layers with your iron set on the medium, and steamless, setting. As the wax melts, it will “miraculously” blot up into the newspaper. For serious globs of wax, remove the largest clump manually and then use the iron and newspaper method.


(Something to keep in mind: brightly colored candles can be a ton of fun to look at. Neutral or white candles don’t contain colored dyes that might actually stain what the offending hot wax may drip on. But, of course, not everyone can live in a neutral, beige or white décor, so always try to find “dripless” candles if you are using colors.)

When all is said and done, with the minor offenses of candle wax aside, the most important message of Hanukkah for me is found in the translation of the Hebrew name of the holiday: Dedication. “The Festival of Lights” can serve as an annual opportunity for all of us, no matter what our belief, for rededication.

Through our deeds and faith we can meaningfully observe the significance of Hanukkah by mindfully recommitting to the pursuit of our highest principles, raising our standards, reconsidering or affirming our set of values, or dedicating our energies to match our beliefs. The modern miracle of Hanukkah is that each year it gives us all another occasion to commit our lives to a Universal power, to our family and friends, to our community, to a favorite charity, to healing our planet, to peace on earth, or, if you’re like me, to rejoicing in the wackiness of being a clean freak!

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of whom benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on www.dailygreen.com. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com.

AIDS Awareness
Nov. 30 – Dec. 6

Gadgetry, like our planet, seems to get smaller and smaller every day: tiny cell phones, itsy-bitsy music downloading devices, digital cameras the size of a bankcard. We now have so many opportunities to be or feel closer to others—those that live far away and even those right near-by. We can call a friend, congratulate a neighbor, or sing happy birthday to a niece, anywhere from anywhere. We can listen to Aretha Franklin, Nine-Inch Nails, Jerry Garcia or the strings of Montovani at any time. We can witness, through instant images, an infant’s first breath, a wedding we unfortunately were unable to attend, or undergo an operation with doctor-speaking-to-doctor via telecom. Everything brought to us because of the mass availability of mini “stuff” that we so eagerly gobble up.

But with all this meteoric technological and biomedical progress all around us, it baffles me that something so small as a virus can still elude it all and remain a pandemic “killer” in the 21st century. An estimated 39.5 million men, women and children across the planet live with HIV; the destructive, non-discriminatory virus known to cause AIDS.

Randy Shilts (Author), Vito Russo (Critic/Journalist), James Merrill (Poet), Willi Smith (Fashion Designer), David Wojnarowitz (Artist), Isaac Asimov (Writer), Way Bandy (Make up Artist), Tina Chow (Model), Perry Ellis (Fashion Designer), Felix Gonzalez-Torres (Artist), Halston (Fashion Designer), Keith Harring (Artist), Robert Mapelthorpe (Photographer), Herb Ritts (Photographer), Wayland Flowers (Ventriloquist), Robert Joffrey (Choreographer), Rudolph Nureyev (Ballet Dancer), Alvin Ailey (Choreographer), Michael Bennett (Director), Arthur Ashe (Tennis Player), Sylvester (Singer), Liberace (Pianist), Freddie Mercury (Singer), Klaus Nomi (Singer), Lance Loud (Columnist), Peter Allen (Singer/Songwriter), Ryan White (Child AIDS Activist), Steve Rubell (Studio 54 Raconteur), Elizabeth Glazer (AIDS Activist), Robert Reed (Actor), Anthony Perkins (Actor), Rock Hudson (Actor), Brad Davis (Actor), Amanda Blake (Actor)…all of them gone from AIDS-related complications. A very shortlisted “who’s-who” of the legion of creative, talented individuals infected and now deceased, who, while alive, became beloved household names. But celebrities living with or dying from AIDS is but the tip of a tremendous iceberg.

On World AIDS Day, we need to remember those we have lost, but we also need to remember the 39.5 million anonymous individuals and households that are also affected by and infected with HIV… for instance households like mine.

My partner Richard and I met almost twenty years ago and have been together as a couple ever since. I remember the first time I saw him… his long chestnut hair, wonderful hands, and most of all his twinkly squinty eyes. But when he opened his mouth I knew I had found the person I was meant to be with. A gentle voice, a great sense of humor and style, and an appreciation of all things fine and good, are ways I defined him then and now. He’s pretty great.

He told me right from the start that he was HIV-positive and probably had been since 1982. As a person who is and remains HIV-negative, I freaked but replied by saying “Hey, we all have ‘baggage.’” He has always referred to my response as the answer he hoped to hear from a potential mate—particularly in the late 1980s at the height of AIDS hysteria. But on my end, when he told me he was positive, I thought he was so brave.

Many years into our relationship we look back and laugh because while he was so forthcoming, I probably should have been as revealing. It took me years to reveal my junk to him...my personal insecurities paired with a truly whack-o, “stranger than fiction” family history. As much as he feared I might run after his disclosure, I feared he might speed away had I actually showed him my baggage when we met!

We now live together and keep our home as chemical-free as possible. His 30-odd medications a day are keeping him healthy, but often reeling from side effects too numerous to mention. So together we figured, why add the toxicity of household cleaners to the mix, when it was so easy not to.

He and I have greatly simplified our cleaning regimen and only use non-toxic combinations of baking soda, borax, lemon, white vinegar and salt to clean our home. There’s nothing new or unusual about any of them, and, in fact, they’ve been used for cleaning for centuries. They’re pure, wholesome and natural—and none will hurt you or your family or your pets. Sure, I’m usually touting these recipes because they are good for the environment, but, personally more important, for households like ours with people with compromised immune systems, it’s just plain old healthier.

And while Richard often thinks our house is freakishly clean (an obsession of mine) we’re both happy and healthy and do everything we can to remain so…me in my (HIV) “negative” way and he in his (HIV) “positive” way.

Life isn’t perfect (whose is?) but ours works.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of whom benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on www.dailygreen.com. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com.

Thanksgiving
(Only male turkeys gobble.)

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a thankful person and feel tremendously blessed with what the Universe has provided and for what I’ve worked to attain—wonderful and loving siblings, extended family, great friends, excellent health and work that I love. (I even have all of my own real teeth.)

But for some reason, I’m just not crazy about Thanksgiving or anything that goes with it—the parade here in New York, football games on TV, or even the turkey for that matter. So my partner and I high-tail it out of town to the Yucatan Peninsula in Mexico to lay low while we gear up for the next holiday season. Truth be told we get a thrill out of knowing that everyone back home is working up a sweat by making every attempt to be thankful while over-eating mountains of food that took days to prepare…cornbread stuffing, smashed-spuds (my twin-sister’s seasonal favorite), sweet-taters, gallons of gravy, cranberry sauce, corn on the cob, that nasty mandatory green bean and onion-thingy, a Jell-O ring that nobody touches (what’s floating in there anyway?), pies, pies and yet more pies, and that big spooky turkey carcass lurking in the kitchen.

A resplendent feast of gargantuan proportions might have worked for the early settlers of Plymouth… perhaps that’s why they did it in the first place. The small colony of Pilgrims had set sail on a ship called the Mayflower, seeking freedom from religious persecution by the British. They loaded a cargo of provisions into the belly of a primitive vessel and set off to start fresh in a new land. To be sure, their trans-Atlantic voyage was riddled with illness, starvation, icky weather, and infinitely fewer amenities than the QE II. In 1621, the Pilgrims’ first bash was in celebration of the beautiful changing colors of the season, their gratitude for the bounty they had harvested, a gratefulness for having survived in the unforgiving nature of the North East and an indebtedness to the Native Americans who helped them survive. No doubt, I’m guessing they also said an extra special prayer that the chill in the air they felt was not a harbinger of a killing frost to come.

With a presentation of precious chow, paired with entertainment and worship, the Pilgrims gave thanks to and with the local Native tribesmen. Thus was born an American Tradition.

Traditions and memory can play a wonderful and magical role in how families celebrate holidays, Thanksgiving notwithstanding. My earliest recollection is my gene-pool sitting around a stretch of card-tables and my grandfather saying the Lord’s Prayer in Dutch. Being narcoleptic, he never quite made it all the way through without falling asleep and I remember adult stares at our weak attempts to hide our laughter while he snored. One year my grandmother lost a band-aid in the turkey dressing only to be later found by my dad— politely chewing, chewing and chewing!

Good guess the earliest shin-dig wasn’t as fancy as our current versions. Today many folks reserve the “good stuff” for company at holiday time. That’s when we bring out the heirloom silver, the Royal Doulton with the hand-painted periwinkles, and the linens that great aunt So-and-So embroidered while incarcerated. If your family is anything like mine (at least when it comes to the traditions of bringing out all the things that will eventually get passed down to the next generation), then you know how much work preparing all this rarely used junk can be: polishing tarnished silverware; unwrapping, cleaning, rinsing and drying the “heirloom” set of dishes; soaking the crystal glassware; laundering and ironing those stupid fussy linens, etc.

And like most hosts, you’ll pull out all the finery and do what you need to do to make it all ship-shape and shiny. Even if your offspring, parents and siblings don’t appreciate all the effort, at least your “adoptive family” of friends will be impressed. So recruit the kids to help, praying that they don’t break or chip anything, and do whatever else is needed to prepare the table while trying to also prepare that blasted bird.

In my honest opinion, the only thing worse than a dry turkey is a dry turkey presented on a tarnished platter. However, if your culinary skills could use improvement you’ll need to get good advice elsewhere. From me, you’ll get recommendations on how make the rest all clean and pretty, so if the bird is burnt, at least it’ll get carried out of the kitchen on a sparkly and shiny tray. To make this happen you’ll need a box of baking soda and some foil. (This is truly amazing!)

Line your kitchen sink or a wash bucket with aluminum foil. (The heavy-duty stuff works best.) Load up the silver you intended to hand polish, making certain that each item touches the foil liner. Cover the entire contents with boiling water and simply add a cup of baking soda. Even if all you have is that box that’s been sitting in the back of the fridge for the past five years, the tarnish will jump from the silver to the foil in almost no time at all! For heavy tarnishing that may still remain, simply make a paste of water and baking soda and gently polish the remaining surfaces ‘til they shine. It’s a completely safe chemical reaction that won’t damage your precious silver heirlooms the way harsh commercial polishes might.

To perk up and clean those hand-painted periwinkle plates, crystal glassware and just about anything else you intend to place on your table, borax is delicate enough for it all including dirty pots, pans and bake ware left when the guests are gone. Just add one-half cup of borax to a sink full of hot water. Wash well and rinse with clear water.

Now for that paroled Aunt’s embroidered handiwork…it has to be used because she’s been invited! (Yikes!) Freshly laundered and ironed, once on the table its biggest offender is red wine. Now of course you could choose to only serve white wine, but let’s say you serve red as well and your oldest uncle has had a few too many and…woops…spills his red wine on his sister’s penitentiary petit-point. Not to worry. All you need to do is pour as much table salt as you can to completely cover the stain. Salt is cheap, so if it’s a big stain, just get out the box and pour away until it’s lost under a pile of the white stuff. Allow it to sit till the wine has been absorbed and then soak the fabric for about a half an hour in cold water. Wash as usual.

While I’ve always said, and still believe, “No meal is complete until a garment is soiled,” there are 364 other evenings for that to happen—it doesn’t need to always be on Thanksgiving! So next year…take my advice…make a call, wish everyone well, and understand that giving thanks can happen in a million wonderful ways besides sweating over a hot stove, or driving over hill and dale and back (if you’re the guest and not the host), and only reliving your family dysfunction while making every brave attempt at recreating that famous Norman Rockwell painting.

So while you’re toiling, my boyfriend and I will be basking on white sand beaches and swimming in the beautiful aqua waters of the Caribbean.
(C’mon now…which would you prefer?)

* * *
Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of whom benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on www.dailygreen.com. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com.

Veterans Day

On the 315th day in the year 1918…on the eleventh hour of the eleventh day in the eleventh month…the planet stood in quiet resolution and breathed a great big collective sigh of relief. After four years of WWI a peace agreement, or Armistice, was signed. What, at the time, was considered the “war to end all wars" was finally over. The celebrations ensued and Armistice Day was begun.

While Armistice Day was continually acknowledged, even though several subsequent wars were fought, in 1971 President Richard M. Nixon declared the re-named “Veterans Day” a federal holiday to be celebrated on the second Monday in November.

In remembrance of all those lost in our current wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, the Vietnam War, WWII, or any other combat, let’s all take a calming, mindful moment and turn our attention to peace…ya’ know, as they say, “thoughts become things.”

Peace and mindfulness are really one and the same thing. In essence our mind, our body and our environment are one. By opening our awareness to our actions to benefit the good of every other thing, we meet ourselves in whatever task we undertake. Whatever we see, whatever we hear, whatever we smell, taste or touch, we end up experiencing as our true selves.

By being thoughtful of our actions and intentions while we do even the smallest of tasks, like carefully and safely cleaning our homes, we meet ourselves in the simple mindful act of purifying our personal environment and by extension, our planet. Our home, the stuff we choose to do or not do, and our inner thoughts are one, and they tell the world who we are. Great spiritual masters have claimed such things as “you will find me in the breakfast dishes” because how we choose to approach even the mundane, can make a difference in our lives and the lives of those we love.

What better way to honor the brave women and men who gave their lives in service to our country, than by taking even the briefest moment on Veterans Day, and imagining peace.

In the powerful words of the Venerable Vietnamese Zen Buddhist Master, Thich Nhat Hanh: I vow to cultivate compassion and learn ways to protect lives of people, animals, plants, and minerals. I am determined not to kill, not to let others kill, and not to condone any killing in the world, in my thinking, and in my way of life.


* * *
Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (http://www.zencleansing.com/) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of whom benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on www.dailygreen.com. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at http://www.barnesandnoble.com/ or http://www.amazon.com/.

"An extra yawn one morning in the springtime, an extra snooze one night in the autumn is all that we ask in return for dazzling gifts. We borrow an hour one night in April; we pay it back with golden interest five months later." -Winston Churchill

Daylight saving.
Spring ahead…fall back.

Among his other brilliant achievements, from the same person who wrote “Fart Proudly,” founding father Benjamin Franklin first conceived of daylight savings in 1784. (Bet they didn’t teach you that historical tidbit in grade school, now did they!). It wasn’t until WWI, however, that it was carved in stone.

I don’t know about you, but even losing just that one-hour of sleep and I get cranky. I usually get over my sleep-deprived crabbiness by the next day, and like most folks, I merely go back to finding other reasons to either be joyous or surly.

But the practical aspects of just one hour vanishing here and yet another hour materializing there have an enormous impact. What started as a lucky break for farmers who worked the land by enabling them to have a hearty, early breakfast and then be off to tend their fields in the newly granted hour of daylight instead of in the prior day’s total darkness, is actually a benefit for all of us—crankiness aside. And conversely, when the clocks get “sprung ahead,” it also makes heaps of sense to not have children standing in the darkened night air waiting for their school bus to take them home.

But the other added benefit that really hadn’t been considered at its inception is that plain and simple…Daylight Savings saves energy! Twenty-five percent of the electricity we use goes towards operating the modern conveniences and high tech equipment we own and the incandescent and fluorescent lighting we need to see what we’re doing. So by the mere fact of twice-yearly adjusting the time up or down an hour, we actually minimize the tons of electricity we gobble up daily in our “cribs” and at our jobs.

The electricity needed when the sun goes down early or rises late, is directly related to our individual consumption. In a perfect world, when we’re cutting zzz’s or catching 40 winks…most of us would shut off all unused energy zappers. But not every individual or family has the same energy needs, or, for that matter, the same comfort level with limiting its usage. For instance, just because I usually wander off to bed at 10:00, my partner stays up “burning the midnight oil” till 1:00. And, much to the chagrin of many a houseguest, we happen to prefer a darker and “spookier” house, with very low, or shall we say, “ambient” lighting, while so many other folks prefer homes that are lit up like pin-ball machines once it gets dark out. And although the personal bits of electricity and other energy we all end up using or not using in our own homes might seem miniscule, added up…it’s collectively gi-nourmous. So an added benefit of Daylight Savings is a net result of conserved energy.

With Daylight Savings, in general, in the spring and summer, with the sun staying up in the sky later and later, lights stay off longer because we hang out outside longer, and we tend to cook less which keeps the heat in our homes down. On the flipside…in the fall and winter, we find our way out from our cozy slumber each morning because Daylight Savings gives us the strength and support of additional sunlight to shake us out of the sack. (freshly brewed coffee, your partner’s elbow, and a dog eagerly waiting at the door to go out to pee kind of helps, too.)

So how can we make the best of these semi-annual, nationwide time warps? Since Daylight Savings began because natural winter light is a rare commodity as the days grow shorter, before it gets too cold, clean your windows and let all that yummy amber fall light fill your home. Wipe away all the summer grime with a simple solution of one teaspoon of white vinegar added to a re-cycled spray bottle filled with warm water. Starting at the top of the window, just spritz the vinegary solution on and wipe it down with re-cycled newspaper. You’ll be amazed at how squeaky-clean your windows will be. And this entire new bottle of glass cleaner only cost you about $.02. (Remember, the price of store-bought commercial cleansers takes into account the costs of advertising, packaging, shipping, supermarket real estate, etc.—while a simple bottle of generic white vinegar costs under $1.00 and can last well over a year.)

And to maximize all that free warming energy from the winter light now able to penetrate your sparkling clean windows, keep your shades and blinds open during the day to allow Mother Nature to help heat your home. Conversely, during the balmy months of spring and summer, keep your shades and blinds closed while the sun is out—just little actions like these, that cost us nothing, can help keep non-renewable energy costs down.

Oh yes, and those two times a year when you change your clocks, change your smoke detector batteries, too…couldn’t hurt—and it’s the only way I ever remember to do it. And while you’re already precariously standing on the top rung of your kitchen step-ladder (no, really--please don’t ever stand on the top step!) with your arms way over your head, you might want to also consider swapping out those power-guzzling incandescent light bulbs in those overhead light fixtures, too. Yah…I know that you’ve been meaning to swap those 1970s decorator eyesore fixtures for something from this century, but lets take baby steps and start by just installing energy efficient fluorescent bulbs, OK?

Happy Daylight Savings…and let that sun shine in!


* * *
Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (http://www.zencleansing.com/) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of whom benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on www.dailygreen.com. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at http://www.barnesandnoble.com/ or http://www.amazon.com/.

Halloween
Three
Nightmare Stains
(And a Trio of Heavenly Solutions)
by Michael DeJong

R ed Wine?
The countess spilled her aged cabernet while fainting…
No need to screech in horror every time someone douses, drips or splatters the vin-o. Red wine is easily removed from fabrics by pouring enough salt over the area to soak up the offense. Follow by soaking the linens in cold water and then wash as usual.
B lood?
“Cook” seems to have slipped with the carving knife…
So if it’s just a bit of the au-jus or a perhaps a bit of your own, certainly take care of yourself first. Once bandaged and ready, begin removing the bloodstains from color-safe fabrics by rinsing them with cold water and then liberally sprinkling the area with baking soda. Rub the fabric into itself and run under the cool water till the spot has vanished.
I nk?
Grand-ma-ma stopped breathing while writing out her will…
If it’s just a blot from a fountain pen, remove that pesky ink on cloth by placing lemon juice directly into the spot. Allow it to sit overnight before laundering. Repeat if necessary before dieing…oops, I meant drying.

* * *
Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (http://www.zencleansing.com/) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of whom benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on www.dailygreen.com. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at http://www.barnesandnoble.com/ or http://www.amazon.com/.

clean: the humble art of zen-cleansing

In 1987 I moved to New York to become an artist and shortly thereafter began cleaning apartments for extra cash. I had placed an ad in the Village Voice advertising myself as a male housekeeper who cleaned "In the European Tradition"… whatever that meant.

From dozens of responses I managed to find four sincere individuals that were infinitely cleaner than I ever would have dreamed (hence making my life easier!). I began traveling the length of Manhattan from the Cloisters to the World Trade Center cleaning one apartment after another with my cleaning kit of commercially manufactured products—the usual suspects available at any grocery store.

I cleaned with abandon, the effects were dazzling and my clients began making referrals. But the daily multi-exposures to these products left me feeling awful. It was then that I began to think that there must be a better way for me to continue doing housework, but to do it in a way that wasn’t toxic to my body. I realized that the pioneers who traveled across the Great Plains in the 1800s did so without the “convenience” of handy wipes, dishwasher tabs, aerosols, or self-sanitizing lotion. And had it not been for the fact that they were probably trampled by their own livestock or were killed by each other in the Wild, Wild West, the strongest arrived at their destinations fed and clean. My goal then became to discover their lost secrets of cleaning.

What I’ve come to learn is that no matter how you look at it, cleaning is hard work. But what I’ve also come to know is that cleaning with the five wholesome, safe, and planet-friendly ingredients I’ve identified in “Clean: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing”—white vinegar, salt, lemon, baking soda and borax—are not just alternatives, but rather, the solution to a much bigger challenge--that of living a life that’s mindful of one’s self, one’s loved ones, one’s pets, one’s neighbors, one’s community, and one’s planet.

So add your two cents. Tell me your story because we all should know what you're doing to make a difference.

Together we can re-teach the world how to clean.

Visit me here or at www.zencleansing.com.