New Years Eve
(And National Bicarbonate of Soda Day)

While watching the last moments of ’08 slip by -
Tossing back cocktails, forlorn and cockeyed.
At the stroke of twelve, hugging all with delight -
Men in tuxedos, and leggy ladies in dresses skintight.

We find our way home, somewhat assembled – quasi,
After self-medicating from our host’s ample supply.

We crawl under the sheets, to avoid the daylight,
Recollecting the night’s actions with bleary hindsight.

But by making resolutions while a barfly,
We’re bound to set standards so high we can’t try.
So in future, make decisions in sober daylight.
Instead of dim-witted – they’ll be dynamite.
~Michael DeJong

Expectations get lowered, trousers get lowered, interest rates have been lowered, with meds our blood pressure and anxiety levels get lowered, the drinking age in some states has been lowered, and our pensions and 401Ks have also been lowered. But on New Year’s Eve - like clockwork - millions of people still insist on freezing in lowered temperatures huddled in massive crowds in New York City’s Times Square as they watch in amazement as the gigantic crystal ball - too - is lowered.

But it’s not just in the hustle and bustle of big cities that things get lowered in celebration of the New Year. Take for instance Bethlehem, Pennsylvanian’s 25-pound fiberglass illuminated Peep; or Easton, Maryland’s grotesquely enormous imitation of a steamed red crab; or Lebanon, Pennsylvania’s seven-and-a-half-foot “fit-to-be-eaten” bologna; or Mount Olive, North Carolina’s three-foot tall shimmering pickle; or New Orleans’ paper mache gumbo pot; or Plymouth, Wisconsin’s super huge, yet thankfully artificial, hunk-o-cheese; or Port Clinton, Ohio’s 20-foot 600-pound fiberglass walleye; or Raleigh, North Carolina’s 1,250-pound copper acorn; and let’s not forget Key West, Florida’s local Drag Queen in her glittering six-foot tall, red, high-heeled shoe. Everywhere, it seems, things get lowered to ring in the New Year.

Descending “stuff” aside, many people look to the New Year as an uplifting fresh start. But for most of us, what it really becomes is a fresh start to old habits. (You know how it goes - in one year and out the other?) This year, instead of New Years Eve being a fresh start to last year’s bad habits how about it becoming a fresh start to freshness?

As many of you already know - New Years Eve or not - baking soda sparkles like a freshly fallen first snow. (Somewhat appropriate considering that here in the eastern portion of the United States, it’s winter.) White, powdery and soft to the touch, odorless and inert upon inspection, baking soda most commonly loiters in the fridge behind leftovers, lunchmeat and lettuce. Not just great as a refrigerator deodorizer, it’s remarkably useful when sprinkled, scattered, spread, strewn, or kept in your closet, kitty litter, crisper or carport. (And you’re probably wondering to yourself “Hmmm? What’s this got to do with New Years Eve?”)

On New Year’s Eve, while the rest of the world is lowering wedges of cheese, copper acorns, blackened gumbo pots, illuminated Peeps, shimmering pickles, steaming crabs, super-sized bolognas, walleyes and - yes - even Drag Queens, many of us blindly lower our standards…especially while inebriated, and belly-ing up to the all-you-can-eat buffets oblivious to the affordable booze and cheap chow that we’re consuming.

On New Year’s morning – when you’re feeling anything but fresh - baking soda (bicarbonate of soda) works great for that “morning after” bellyache. Just mix one quarter teaspoon of baking soda into a quarter cup of water in your choice of a freshly rinsed highball, lowball, wine glass, champagne flute, martini glass, shot glass, brandy snifter, or beer mug. Give it a swirl, take a deep breath, toss back the swig, wait for that inevitable refreshing belch, and greet the spanking New Year with a smile.

Happy New Year!
(And yes…I really did write the poem.)

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal-Bravo’s eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com. (http://www.greenisuniversal.com/ask_mr_green.php) “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com).

Please consider the environment.

Christmas
“Roses are reddish.

Violets are bluish.

If it weren't for Christmas,

We'd all be Jewish.”

~Benny Hill

For every occasion - Christmas, Hanukah or otherwise – my partner Richard and I have a code for gift giving. Whatever it is - it has to be consumable, edible, drinkable, burnable (Okay…I know what you’re thinking, - but no. I’m talking about candles or incense.), or time sensitive things like tickets to the theater or movie passes.

During the Holidays, gifts, of course, are important to many – especially kids. When I was a rug-rat, my mom used to make tons of stuff for us each Christmas. During the year she’d knit and crochet sweaters, goofy hats, horrible scarves and oversized mittens from thread she rescued from outdated knitwear that she’d unravel. (Funny how our hats always seemed to be the ones first offered up for the neighborhood snowmen.)

The things she would knit weren’t always the best fitting or the prettiest, but in that moment – on Christmas Eve when the lights of the tree sparkled, with the scent of her handmade candles everywhere, unwrapping gifts to the quiet hum of carols - we knew that she had made them - stitch by stitch, night after night. The fact is, my mother was a frugal Dutch immigrant who had survived World War II as a teenager, scraping by with her family to survive the occupation, and she learned how to make magic out of nothing. (Shine-ola!) Nothing went to waste, everything was re-used, and making things by hand was just what ya’ did.

She sewed things, too. There were ill-fitting pants (Imagine this…pink and green seer-sucker hip-huggers with fringe. Ooo-la-laaa! …I wish I still had them!), the occasional coat, for my sister a dress without buttons (she ran out of time) and one year, from a bolt of fabric she found in a clearance bin, she created matching florescent orange Nehru shirts for my sister Mags, my older brother, John, and me. (Presented in our “glowing” holiday finery, I’m certain that the ladies from church thought that we had joined up with the local Hare Krishnas.)

But when mom baked it was easy to forgive all of her fashion transgressions. She made endless batches of homemade oatmeal bars, lemon squares, pecan sandies, chocolate chip cookies (salvaging the chocolate from our Halloween booty), and our favorite - British toffee. She’d also decorate canisters rescued during the year with smartly applied compositions cut from the previous year’s Christmas cards, ribbons and paper, before filling them and delivering them to our schoolteachers, Sunday School instructors, Scout leaders, band directors, and just about anyone else she had on her list.

Mom also saved glass jars in which to store her homemade preserves…apple and pear butter, and cherry, grape, apricot, strawberry, and even tomato jams. She’d prepare them when the fruits were in season, covering each with a protective coating of paraffin and then storing the packed preserves away in the pantry. And with the left over jars and the remaining wax she’d fill each with a wick and create a mountain of Christmas candles. Decorated and always available, these too made great last minute memorable holiday gifts.

Of course there were some store bought toys that came and went but the ones she and my dad made in the shop downstairs were - and still are - the ones I cherish most. There were cutouts of circus animals made from scraps of pine painted with remainders of house paint. There were puppets sewn from clothing we had outgrown or detested (Definitely not the Nehru shirts!). There were also toys salvaged from discount bins and resale shops that were repainted and repaired to like-new.

My folks were resourceful. As recent immigrants to this country they offered each of their three children – in my opinion – a magical childhood. And although neither of them had more than grade-school educations, their wealth of knowledge, skills and shear “chutzpa” made us feel like the luckiest family on the block.

So instead of having a “Green Christmas,” perhaps we make this a “Homemade” kind of Holiday…where small, meaningful, handmade gifts from the heart are delivered in wonderful recycled wrappings and enormous bows.

Remember, it’s not gifts that make it a merry Christmas, happy Hanukah or a totally cheerful Kwanzaa…it’s the special brand of holiday spirit we share with others that makes it all worthwhile.

Happy Holidays!

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal-Bravo’s eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com. (http://www.greenisuniversal.com/ask_mr_green.php) “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com).

Please consider the environment.

National
Chocolate Covered
“Anything”
Day
“Researchers have discovered that chocolate produced
some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana.
The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two,
but can't remember what they are.”
~Matt Lauer on NBC's Today Show

Wackos the world over have been covering anything and everything imaginable with chocolate…ants, bacon, bananas, coffee beans, dates, apples, edamame, grasshoppers, grub worms, jalapeno peppers, assorted nuts (In my opinion, nuts just take up space where the chocolate oughta’ be.), pickles, potato chips, pretzels, seaweed, slugs, strawberries, Twinkies, and the ever-popular - sweet on the outside but nasty on the inside - chocolate covered onions. Pregnant or not, just about everything tastes better when slathered in a yummy coating of chocolate…well almost everything.

Sure - many eat chocolate all by itself for the sheer enjoyment of it—me being one of them. But in case you need any convincing, there are those “urban legend” health benefits associated with eating chocolate that might inspire you to celebrate this incredible holiday. For instance, chocolate supposedly slows down the aging process (It may not be scientifically proven. But not eat chocolate? Why take the risk?), invigorates the circulatory system, rejuvenates the brain, prevents coughs – and though it’s never been medically proven – many people swear that chocolate is an aphrodisiac that arouses their sexual desires as well. Convinced yet?

So let’s review: Chocolate contains agents found naturally in the human brain that stimulate lust, mood changes, euphoria, an increased heart rate, feelings of well being, and - in the event that romance is part of the plan - improved endurance. OK, OK, it might be a bit of a stretch to call chocolate a “love potion” - but if nothing else – it sure tastes delicious and makes ya’ feel good. So how bad could it be?!

Eating chocolate just to make you feel good, or even eating it with the expectation that it will improve the vibes down “you know where,” there is always a down side (every action has a reaction!). Because of all its empty calories, too much chocolate unfortunately can also add a few pounds to an already existing “spare tire,” “guzzle gut,” or “jelly-belly.” (When I’m a few pounds over my limit my partner, Richard, sings to me, “It must be jelly ‘cause jam don’t shake that way.” Sure…I could give up chocolate – but, hey - I'm no quitter!)

On National Chocolate Covered “Anything” Day - after you’ve finished totally indulging yourself, and have dipped everything imaginable into the luscious dark velvety goodness of melted chocolate, you’re certain to have the telltale kiss of it on you somewhere. To eliminate the incriminating evidence that you indeed are a chocoholic – the first step is to admit that you are powerless over chocolate. Next, begin removing as much of the hardened brown goop as you can. (No…sucking it out of the garment, or licking it out of the grout isn’t an option! Trust me on this, I’ve tried!) Follow by rinsing the area in room temperature water and sprinkling the stained area with baking soda. Then add about a tablespoon of white vinegar…the “Mr. Wizard”-like reaction should lift the stain much like the chocolate lifted your spirits. Then just wash as you normally would.

Celebrate this day – it comes but once a year. So in honor of the sweetest day on the calendar, write the words "gobble,” “wolf,” “munch,” “chomp,” “devour” - or simply – “dine upon” chocolate at the very top of your To-Do list. That way, even if you’re a natural born procrastinator - at least this time - you'll definitely see one of your tasks to completion.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal-Bravo’s eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com. (http://www.greenisuniversal.com/ask_mr_green.php) “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com).

Please consider the environment.

Christmas Card Day
“Mail your packages early so the
post office can lose them in time for Christmas.”

~ Johnny Carson

In the early 19th century it was customary to drop-a-line - envelopes filled with seasonal messages on calling cards or in letters - to both family and friends at the holidays.

As a marriage of art and technology, Sir Henry Cole - founder of London’s Victoria and Albert Museum - commissioned artist John Calcott-Horsley to whip up a card displaying jovial folks enjoying the festivities of the season paired with images of feeding and clothing the poor and the words “A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.”

Back then - Christmas cards were expensive because they were individually crafted and delivered in person. Faced with a predicament of mountains of Christmas greetings to send, in 1843 Henry Cole invented the first printed Christmas cards.

Delivered by mail or carried by hand many still send and receive Christmas cards. Embellished with images of gingerbread houses, sparkling landscapes, Santa Claus tumbling down a chimney, rooftops cluttered with reindeer, googly-eyed cats tied up in ribbons, red-faced and hysterical babies presented on Santa’s knee or an ornery dog writing holiday greetings in the snow…we’ve all gotten them and sent them just the same.

Sending cards through the mail, for many, is a way to celebrate the holiday season be it Hanukkah, Christmas or Kwanzaa. As an expression of acknowledgment to those we share time with throughout the year, we toil over notes of recognition.

But with the rising cost of mail services, not to mention the price of the cards themselves, shopping for them, and then being faced with an inability to compose something meaningful and witty - Ecards have become the twenty-first-century replacement for a pile of envelopes stuffed thought the holiday mail slot.

While deemed impersonal or déclassé by many, Ecards are eco-friendly (no paper, no ink, no trucking, no shipping, no packaging, no displaying, blah, blah, blah) and they leave infinitesimally tiny environmental footprints.

But if your “Ho-Ho-Ho” message must be delivered in that time honored tradition of being an ink-smeared exchange with a friend, relative or colleague – remember that blots from a pen are easily removed from cloth by placing lemon juice directly onto the spot. Allow it to sit overnight before laundering as usual. Repeat if necessary before drying.

Hand written or hand typed, meaningful words of joy make the holidays what they are. No matter what holiday is most meaningful to you at this time of year (or if none are) I send you my best wishes for a happy holiday season, and the hope for a brighter future for us all.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal-Bravo’s eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com. (http://www.greenisuniversal.com/ask_mr_green.php) “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com).

Please consider the environment.

Thanksgiving
(Wickedly Blessed)

I toast considerations for stemming the tide of man-made climate change and of slowing the melting of ice caps. I offer up a “Whoop-whoop!” to the victories over drought, wildfires and endangered species, and even relish in the warm new green-alternative menu being served up in Washington. Indeed, I’m thankful for the oncoming cornucopia of change. But for some dumb reason, while I’m a thankful person and feel wickedly blessed - I’m just not crazy about Thanksgiving. It’s just too much work for so little payback. It’s a holiday with its own personal, familial carbon footprint (which, in fact, it does—but that’s for another column). So instead of rambling on about Thanksgiving like the love-child of Norman Rockwell and Martha Stewart, I’ve written a poem about the humble edible dinosaur-throwback that sits center stage while reviving our family dysfunctions.

Ode to The Turkey

The life of a turkey pre-golden is sickening.

Please let me share while your gravy is thickening.

Some think it’s weird, nasty, gory or strange,
To feast on a bird that once roamed the range.

From newly hatched poult to the moment he’s plated,
Meat from a creature once so adulated.
The esteem of this poor, tasty, “almost” national bird,
Of whom we eat mountains - ‘til our vision is blurred.

He’s fattened and handled and coddled for days,
Until he no longer can stand on the weight that he weighs.
From his birth through his prime, he’ll never deduce,

That he was meant to be garneed with roasted produce.

Often tranquil, serene and never malicious,

Clumsy and awkward, but when cooked, to some he’s delicious.
If crafty and cunning and devious he’d be,
He’d potentially skedaddle and flee filled with glee.

Unfortunately he’s dumb, flat-footed, ungainly,

A life on the plain beginning so plainly.
But today he’s honored with a place of distinction,
Tomorrow perhaps he’ll be gone or be close to extinction.

Until that occurs, he’ll be gorged on by us,
His carcass bound with a string-forming truss.
Golden and delivered from the oven with sighs,
While some fight over wings, others the thighs.

I can’t stand turkey or the mess one must make,
While shopping or baking or preparing to partake.
If thankfulness is displayed by this time-honored route,
Please - have extra turkey. I’ll do without

As it says in the book of Psalms, ”Come unto his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise.” Now I’m pretty certain that they weren’t speaking about the food court at the mall – though how thankful I would be if they were - that’s where I’d rather be this Thanksgiving - eating french fries and sticky buns.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal-Bravo’s eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com. (http://www.greenisuniversal.com/ask_mr_green.php) “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com).

Please consider the environment.

Obama-kinda-clean
“God looks at the clean hands, not the full ones.”
~Publilius Syrus

While he was campaigning in 2000, George Bush used to say that when he got into the White House he would give the Oval Office "one heck of a scrubbing” making allusions to the traces of “icky-bits” that Bill Clinton left behind.

When his term was complete, Mr. Clinton took only his favorite personal belongings – minus that assumed “something special.” So Mr. Bush, at taxpayers’ expense, gave everything else Clinton had left behind the “heave-ho,” with the exception of the massive oak desk made famous during the Kennedy years.

Being the president of the United Stated means that you’re the leader of the free world - you’re the big cheese, the Commander-in-Chief, the “decider” and “Numero-Uno.” The buck stops with you and you’re responsible for running a clean-ship.

That said, I can’t imagine John F. Kennedy caring about cobwebs, Bush scrubbing the bowl (though the image does make me smile), Dwight D. dusting, Clinton clearing out the cupboards, Woodrow Wilson doing windows, Truman taking out the trash, Hoover pushing a Hoover (except perhaps his wife), Johnson adjusting the drapes, Ford cleaning the floors, Lincoln doing laundry, Teddy tidying rooms, Nixon neatening anything (except for scrubbing 18 minutes worth of audio-tape), F.D.R. fluffing and folding, or Carter cleaning the crystal.

In actuality, the nuts and bolts of cleaning in the White House falls onto the shoulders of a special branch of the White House cleaning crew called the Executive Residence Staff.

The Bush family has occupied the White House for eight dirt-filled years, and while there isn’t a U-Haul back to Crawford in the driveway yet, they clearly have one foot out the door, making ready for the new 44th President - Barack Obama - and his family. (The Executive Residence Staff are gonna’ have their hands full preparing for the Obamas…that house is bound to be nasty.)

In preparation for our new Democratic President, how do those in charge of housekeeping intend to get eight years of Republican stains and smears out of the White House? There are those actual blood stains from when the Bush’s dog “Barney” bit a reporter, and the smears from the likes of Karl Rove. Quite possibly there are moose droppings tracked in by Sarah “Recently Tagged and Released” Palin's snowshoes (though there were no reports of her visiting) but there are those nasty vomit stains from when “W” choked on pretzels. Oh, and let’s not forget the burn marks on the new Oval Office rug left when Satan and George exchanged the presidency for the remainder of his soul.

In January 2009, when Barack Obama is sworn in as President, he will bring with him our hopes for so many new-and-improved, spick-and-span changes …a clean economy, clean peace, clean civil rights, clean jobs, clean housing, clean health-care, clean energy, clean technology, clean emissions and maybe even new clean industry with new clean green collars.

And while blood from the bite of a pooch, moose droppings from the shoes an Alaskan Governor, and or even vomit from a residing President can be dealt with by housekeeping – the blood on his hands and the rest of Bush’s dirty little secrets can never be scrubbed away.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal-Bravo’s eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com. (http://www.greenisuniversal.com/ask_mr_green.php) “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com).

Please consider the environment.

America Recycles Day
“In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away.
They make it into television shows.”
~Woody Allen

Americans generate almost twice the amount of trash of other developed countries – a whopping 4 pounds of garbage per person everyday. That’s 301,139,947 U.S. residents producing just about four pounds of trash each equaling 1,204,559,788 pounds or 602,280 tons of trash each day…the weight of about 580,000 Liberty Bells.

The U.S. currently has approximately 3,000 active landfills. Buried and minimally forgotten (unless you live near one) the trash that each American creates leads to water contamination, land erosion, methanol off-gassing, and disgusting odors. (Peee-euw!) Much of this tonnage of waste within the landfills actually retards bio-degration, therefore defeating their intentions.

An overhaul to landfill systems, recycling, making producers and manufacturers responsible for the end-life of their products, biodegradable packaging, and learning to adjust the way we as individuals consume, are all part of the long-term solution. But when it comes down to it - it’s our own responsibility to reduce, reuse and recycle, and to become more educated about the long-term consequences of landfills, and the endless benefits offered by up-cycling and recycling paper, plastic, glass, aluminum, scrap metal, and fabric.

75 percent of trash is recyclable but unfortunately only 25 percent actually gets recycled. Curbside recycling makes it easy for households to be part of the solution. It’s easy to divert materials from landfills and incinerators. Here are some things to consider when you’re recycling.

PAPER:
When adequately exposed to the elements, paper decomposes completely in 2-5 months. But if thrown away as regular trash, once the plastic bag itself eventually deteriorates in about 20 years, then maybe the paper entombed inside the plastic trash-bag will finally have its chance to decompose as well. Sadly - paper in all its many shapes and sizes - amounts to almost half of what we end up sending to landfills. However, if Americans recycled just one tenth of their paper, it would save 25 million trees a year

If you read anything in print you should know that the act of recycling paper decreases the demand for virgin pulp thereby reducing the devastation of forests, and the overall amount of air and water pollution created during the manufacture of the paper. It's always best to separate paper into white office paper, newspaper, cardboard, and mixed-color paper, and tie each type separately. Once sorted and bundled, carry the items to be picked up curbside at the appropriate time on the designated days for your community.

PLASTIC:
In 1988, the American Society of the Plastics Industry developed the resin identification code that is used to indicate the most common polymer materials used in the manufacture of a product or in packaging to assist recyclers with sorting the collected materials.

To check the recycle-ability of a plastic item, look to see if there’s a Universal Recycling Symbol (URS--usually on the bottom). Next, look to see if there’s a number inside the triangle. The numbers are meant to give us a leg up on what kinds of resins were used. If there is no number, then the material is considered “generically recyclable” (in which case there are codes beneath or near the triangle indicating the materials used). Each number, from 1 to 7 indicates what type of polymer was used.

At the moment it’s only economically viable to recycle items with a URS triangle with the No. 1 which is PET or PETE (polyethylene terephthalate) or No. 2, which is HDPE (high-density polyethylene). But scattered across our great nation, local recycling programs are stretching the range of plastics that might be recycled as the technology to do so becomes available. (It takes 20 years for a plastic bag to decompose but up to 250 years for a plastic cup to decompose.)

GLASS:
Glass that finds its way into recycling systems is usually comprised of clear, green, and brown bottles and broken glassware - and when recycled - the process uses less energy than manufacturing glass from scratch and doesn’t produce the same carbon dioxide as when it is newly manufactured. (A glass bottle takes 4,000 years or more to decompose - even longer if it's in the landfill.)


ALUMINUM:
Aluminum may be reused by simply re-melting the metal - it’s energy efficient and a lot less expensive than making new. (It takes 500 years for an aluminum can to decay.)

SCRAP METAL:
Aluminum lawn chairs, bicycles, cabinets, chain link and wire fencing, doors, grills, household appliances, iron furniture, lawn mowers (with oil and gas drained) metal sheds (disassembled), railings, refrigerators and freezers (doors must be removed), sewing machines, shower stalls, swing sets, wire clothes hangars…at sometime they all become scrap. Instead of sending then to the dump consider a curbside scrap metal collection. When arranged in advance, pickup is often free and made on your regular recycling day. (Don’t place your scrap metal items into your blue bin.)

FABRIC:
The best way to recycle fabric is to contribute your old duds to a charitable organization. According to the Environmental Protection Agency's Office of Solid Waste, Americans have dumped over 9 million tons of just about anything with a thread count into landfills nationwide.

When you donate your unwanted, unraveling, or otherwise thread-worn garments to your favorite charity - even though it probably won’t end up resold as clothing for someone in need - it will probably have a very green reincarnation through re-sale to individuals and textile recyclers.

Unfortunately no man or woman comes with an operational manual (well, at least I’ve never found mine!) Turning a new leaf to becoming “green” can seem overwhelming. By not considering our carbon footprint, spending habits, and waste, we’re all adding to global warming by not recycling. Locate the recycling guide provided by your city, state or county (the regulations change from region to region) and keep it handy.

When it comes to cleaning your recyclables, to prevent critters or bugs, it’s fine to rinse your metal cans, glass and plastic containers. But no need to go nuts - the heat used during the recycling process deals with many contaminants.

As it says on the Liberty Bell, “Proclaim Liberty throughout all the Land unto all the Inhabitants thereof.” By working together - and by using our noggins - our actions will produce a healthier land and a healthier environment for all the inhabitants thereof.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal-Bravo’s eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com. (http://www.greenisuniversal.com/ask_mr_green.php) “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com).

Please consider the environment.

Housewife Day
“As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive
when my husband gets home from work –
then hey - I've done my job.”

~Roseanne Barr

“Susie Homemaker” is the iconic (and fictitious) 1950s American housewife who summons up recollections of freshly baked apple pie, a gentle squeeze when you crawl into bed at night, and the ever-ready bandage over a fresh boo-boo. She’s the Stepford Wife image of perfection and the ideal wife and mother devoted entirely to her home and family. (Remember Lucy Ricardo, Donna Reed, Laura Petry, and June Cleaver vacuuming in high heels?) I mean, c’mon, even the Eisenhower years had moms like the newly-exonerated Ethel Rosenberg, Joan Crawford and Mrs. Robinson!!!

As the fog of reality lifts, we begin to notice that times have changed and so have our (mis)perceptions, if in fact such an “über-mom” like her ever existed. Today she’d be portrayed in a post-feminist stereotype of a woman on the go juggling family, health, career and home, with enough time left over for scrapbooking, gourmet cooking, volunteering at the local food co-op, and shopping for (and actually wearing) her Manolo Blahniks.

Today’s stay-at-home mom is more probably a “domestic diva” stuck at the stove “expressing” herself by frying up eggs, sleep-deprived from watching her newborns and toddlers and changing dirty diapers, ensnared back-at-the-ranch and finding her center by desperately trying to keep up with Martha Stewart (let alone the Jones’), shuttling her kids from soccer practice to clarinet lessons to dance rehearsals. Any which way you look at it - being a housewife has gotta’ be hard work.

Househusbands and dads, too, have joined the parade of parents who now make up the ever-growing genderless crowd responsible for caring for a household…it’s not just for the ladies anymore! The individual who stays at home – man or woman - is oftentimes the one who’s usually financially dependent on the other partner. To the surprise of those who aren’t at home around the clock and are fulltime out in the workplace, they too benefit from the unwaged work provided by the one working at home. (If compared to what it might cost for each and every task by someone collecting a paycheck, the take home pay for the average homemaker would be approximately $138,000!)

Still preferred by many, but also thought by scores of folks to be an antiquated and derogatory term, being a “housewife” harkens back to a time when one income could support all of the bells and whistles necessary to keep an entire family well clothed, fed and living within an acceptable middle class style. But unfortunately it was also a time when housewives and single women had less than equal rights. For instance just within the past 100 years - they couldn’t vote; didn’t have the right to hold public office; if they worked, the range of occupational choices was very narrow; they weren’t offered fair wages or equal pay for equal work; they were denied the opportunity to own property or a home; they weren’t allowed an education; they were forbidden to serve in the military; they weren’t offered the possibility of entering into legal contracts or even to have the most basic rights including marital, parental and religious rights. In fact, women were considered chattel.

Housewife Day at least acknowledges the magnitude of importance that stay-at-home wives and moms, (and yes - husbands and dads, too) deserve.

My mom, in her own weird way, was a hybrid of an ever-mindful-eco-friendly-Susie-Homemaker long before such status was imaginable. In the 60’s - as a stay-at-home parent of three, she made clothes for the entire family, did her own hair (“Hmmm? Nice Toni-home perm, mom!”), knit and crocheted beautiful sweaters by hand, canned and preserved pickles, jams, fruit, sauces and preserves, made bread almost every day, made her own yogurt, invented toys out of scraps of this-and-that, gardened, mowed the lawn, painted rooms in record time and even made purses for my sister out of old jeans.

Clever as she was, she also made cleaning into a game. (This is this week’s tip – so listen up. Try it. My mom used it effectively on my brother, sister and I until we were in our teens. We were either dolts or else she had something going on here!)

On Saturdays mom would make a cleaning list and tear it into bits, folding them into a bowl. My brother, sister and I “could choose” (Thanks mom - give and give and give!) until all of the pieces were gone and we could then begin to open them one by one.

“I get to clean the bathroom!” “I'm going to rake leaves!” “I'm going to change the beds!” “I'm going to sweep the sidewalk!” we’d each exclaim, as if it were a treat. The first one to complete all the tasks written on their selections pulled from the bowl would “win.”

Win??!! No, we didn’t win a dollar or an ice cream sundae or anything like that - we just “won.” To my mom, having a clean house by the hands of her eager and “winning” children was, in itself, the prize.

To this day, when cleaning, I first make a list and cross off each chore when completed and then think to myself “Hooray, I won!!”

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal-Bravo’s eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com. (http://www.greenisuniversal.com/ask_mr_green.php) “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com).

Please consider the environment.

All Hallows Eve
'Tis the night - the nightOf the grave's delight,

And the warlocks are at their play;

Ye think that withoutThe wild winds shout,

But no, it is they - it is they.

~Arthur Cleveland Coxe

It’s hard to say when it came to me, but it haunts me day and night, and not just on Halloween. I know that it’s not the spirits that reflect their apparitions onto our windows, the ghouls that trespass beneath our stairs, the wisps of ghosts that spin through our kitchen, the poltergeists that caress the afterlife in our coat closet, or even the multitude of phantoms that possess our pantry. I actually love living in a haunted house. Oh, but for me, the haunting, haunting, haunting comes from the mess they leave in their wake!

It’s their spooky ectoplasmic remains left on our tiled floors they travel - worn and left dim, pale and filmy blue like the glaring eye of a vulture. Whenever the haze falls upon them, my blood runs cold.

I cautiously stare at the tiles as they taunt me with their cloudy film. I walk over them and hear their slight moan, a groan of lethal fright. Not just a growl of torture or woe, but a whimper of un-dead feet, bone chillingly moving over the 175 year old tiles, the bone crushing “crunch” of ceramic-against-ceramic sound that silently cuts through the night with its low, stifled clattering.

Arising in the night from their horrid screams, or sometimes their quiet siren’s songs - at midnight - when the rest of the world sleeps, I hear deepening, dreadful echoes of terror that distract me from my slumber…the patter of lifeless footsteps. (How do you tell a ghost to wipe its feet…heh? I can’t even get my partner, Richard to do that!). But even as I lay frozen and keep still - barely breathing - accompanied by the horrible hush of our 1833 house, strange noises from footsteps excite me to uncontrollable panic.

Waiting in the nighttime darkness until a single dim ray of moonlight appears through the skylight - like the silken thread of a black widow spider – falling upon the tiled flooring, igniting a glare upon the surface that mimics the scavenging eye of a raven…again I see the haunting dull blueness with that telltale gruesome veil that chills me to the very marrow of my bones. (Clean-freak that I am, I even have nightmares about this kinda’ stuff!)

But no matter, slimed, veiled, bloodied, soiled, or stained by the likes of Beelzebub, fiends, evil spirits, imps, mischievous sprites, or just the day-to-day foot traffic of family, friends and pets – the tiles of my haunted dreams are actually easy to keep clean:

• Begin by dipping (not dripping!) a halved lemon into a bowl of borax to create an instant tile cleaner.
• Scrub using the lemon, juicy side down, rubbing the borax and citric acid mixture onto the tiles.
• Finish by rinsing with clean water.

Maybe it’s the incessant cleaning that makes me a lunatic (out damn spot!); or maybe it’s the shrieking souls from the fiery depths of hell that leave their footprints on our hallway tiles that taunt me to madness.

What makes me insane on Halloween night or any other nocturnal hour? I’m not sure…that’s for you and the creatures of the night to decide. (Deep scary laugh…)

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (www.thedailygreen.com) and the Huffington Post (www.huffingtonpost.com). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal-Bravo’s eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com).

Please consider the environment.

Make a Difference Day
“If you can't feed a hundred people, then just feed one.”
~ Mother Teresa

Either single-handedly, all by your lonesome, with the help of some friends, or volunteering with an organization, cooking up a large or small personal project, family effort, or community-wide endeavor is a wonderful way to score brownie points. Anyone – small fry or senior, individuals or groups, can whip-up volunteer projects that help others. Allow your ideas to percolate, and you’ll soon discover what your community needs. “Make a Difference Day” is really all about neighbors serving neighbors.

No matter whether you’re a scrambled student, a butter-fingered bartender, or even a half-baked housepainter, there are always a few extra hours to consider volunteering an afternoon of your skills: painting a neighbor’s porch or finger-painting with the kid next door; removing a scrap heap of trash from the side of a highway or scrap-booking memories at the Senior Center; granny-sitting or babysitting, swinging your kids at the local park or swinging a hammer to help with some carpentry, twisting a screwdriver to assist with electrical work or twisting taffy with some school kids; you get the idea…you could coach a sporting event, offer computer assistance, replant a flower or vegetable bed, do some office work, visit with someone whose lonely, collect food for the homeless or even work in a soup kitchen.

With all of this not-so subtle discussion of food, food, and more food…on “Make a Difference Day” how about cleaning a neighbor's kitchen appliances? (You knew I was going there - now didn’t ya’!) It doesn’t need to take a month of Sundays to quickly and safely clean a kitchen. Here are a few quick pointers and eco-recipes to make your visit speedy and easy as pie.

Coffee maker:
To clean an automatic drip coffee maker run full-strength white vinegar through a normal brew cycle. Rinse by running plain water through the cycle twice. The pot will be remarkably clean and your coffee will taste better than ever. (Tip: coffee sometimes tastes bitter because of soapy residue…so never wash your pot with soap.)

Dishwasher:
To clean a dishwasher (I know, it sounds like an oxymoron—but the darn things do get yucky over time!), place a cup of white vinegar into the bottom of the appliance and operate through an entire cycle. Do this once a month to reduce soap build up on the inner rollers, racks gaskets and sprayers.

Garbage disposal:
Pour 1/2 cup of salt into the garbage disposal. Then, by running the disposal following manufacturer's directions, you'll send any odors down the drain! And for an extra treat, cut up a lemon and let the disposal do its job.

Microwave:
Boil 1/4 cup of white vinegar and 1 cup of water in a glass or plastic container in your microwave for two minutes. The condensation from the boiling mixture will loosen splattered-on-food and those mysterious cheesy lumps, and will even deodorize the machine in the process. Wipe the inside clean with a damp cloth or sponge.

Oven:
To prevent greasy oven buildup in the first place, dip a sponge in full-strength white vinegar and wipe down all sides of a clean oven, inside and out.

Refrigerator:
Wash out a refrigerator with a solution of equal parts water and white vinegar. It will make everything sparkle.

On “Make a Difference Day” do something – anything – to help out a friend or a neighbor in need. If cleaning someone else’s kitchen isn’t your cup of tea and you don't have a first class project to steak your reputation on - sleep on it, the perfect idea is bound to turnip.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (www.thedailygreen.com) and the Huffington Post (www.huffingtonpost.com). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal-Bravo’s eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com).

Please consider the environment.

International Skeptics Day
“I'm looking for loopholes.”
~W. C. Fields, when asked why he was reading the Bible.

Ptolemy believed the sun revolved around the earth. Linus believed in the “Great Pumpkin.”

(Sally to Linus, after missing Halloween… “What a fool I was. I could've had candy, apples, and gum, and cookies and money and all sorts of things. But no! I had to listen to you! What a fool I was. Trick or Treats come only once a year, and I missed it by sitting in a pumpkin patch with a blockhead!”)

When I was a kid I believed in the “Push-Me-Pull-You” – the two-headed llama from the Dr. Doolittle stories. (I was such a sucker!) In my ‘tweens - upset and completely horrified - I stood in front of a caged, one-headed, completely healthy and whole llama and said “How could this have happened…where’s its other head!” I did ultimately find some comfort for my naiveté when I learned that Cher thought Mount Rushmore was a natural phenomenon!

Our culture is filled with mountains of myths and mythinformation (couldn’t resist that!) - Santa, UFOs, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, Bigfoot, Crop Circles, the Loch Ness monster - in the famous words of Benjamin Franklin, “It is so; it is not so. It is so; it is not so.” I’m not always certain, either…perhaps you could call me a Doubting Thomas.

In case you don’t know, to be called a Doubting Thomas means that you’re someone who - without straightforward, tangible, right in your face proof - refuses to believe in any number of things. (e.g. See the list above.) The expression is based on the doubt of the Apostle Thomas concerning the resurrection of Jesus. Although Jesus had been crucified, Thomas only became a true believer when he was able to place his fingers into the resurrected Jesus’ wounds. (After that llama incident, I think I’d require a demonstration like that, too!)

Skeptics are everywhere. And if you’re not certain as to who they are, take a mindful look around - they’re easily identifiable as the folks that doubt truth and accepted-theory. They just won’t see or accept what’s “a given,” what’s believed by the majority of the people based on scientific scrutiny. When I’m asking questions, I’m curious, and when I’m questioning, I’m skeptical. But when I refuse to separate fact from fiction, that makes me just plain-old blind to reality.

Take for example Governor and Vice Presidential (shoot me now!) candidate Sarah Palin. Perhaps the Tooth Fairy, The Easter Bunny and maybe even Doubting Thomas himself told her that climate change and global warming aren’t caused by human behavior and that a changing environment could never have been man-made. We can all fail to recognize the reality of global warming much like Palin thinks that drilling in the Alaskan Arctic National Wildlife Refuge is swell for birds, fish and wildlife. But until we all place our own hands into the proverbial wounds of the world, we’ll all continue to doubt our own personal responsibilities.

And much like the Gov’s responsibility to own up to the truth, we, too, can make mico-steps towards change. While carefully and safely cleaning our bodies or our homes, (gun-toting-moose-hating-soccer-mom, lipstick-wearing-or-not, notwithstanding) by being thoughtful of our actions and intentions while we do even the smallest of tasks, we meet ourselves in a simple, mindful act of purifying our personal environment, and by extension, our ever-changing world environment. I believe that every individual can have a positive effect on the enormous problem of Global Warming, and I believe that it can happen one household at a time. (Forgetting about the Push-Me-Pull-You kerfuffle, of this I’m certain.)

Bullwinkle-the-Moose once said, “Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what can you believe?” (Even the moose was a skeptic!)

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (www.thedailygreen.com) and the Huffington Post (www.huffingtonpost.com). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal-Bravo’s eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com).

Please consider the environment.

Coming-Out Day
“Come out, come out wherever you are…”
(From “The Wizard of Oz”)
~ Harold Arlen & E.Y. Harburg

I have “special” needs - some might call them obsessions - but I prefer to call them standards. I like a clean home and orderly storage. But more than that, I want my junk where I can find it and I want it all to look like something—a place for everything and everything in its place! In an average afternoon - as part of a cleaning ritual - I’ll iron sheets for the bedrooms, wipe down the kitchen, rearrange our living room, organize the bathrooms, tidy our basement and yes… even organize our closets.

By today’s standards - depending on your lifestyle, needs, and desired outcome - uniquely crafted closets offer a meaningful use of space in any home or apartment. Considering all of the options, the perfect closet can be a swell place to hoard your handbags, stash sport-coats, stockpile shoes and allow lingerie to linger. It’s also a place to relegate last season’s dresses, abandon busted umbrellas, forget those fake-fun-furs, put presents meant for re-gifting, and bury baggage otherwise used to travel to far away, sandy and sunny ports.

Although we think of closets as places to squirrel away stuff and hang our clothes, historically for the very rich, they were actually small secret, private, concealed rooms usually attached to a bedroom.

But nowadays, to be kept hidden or “closeted” is most often used as a way of describing something or someone whose behavior might be embarrassing, controversial…or even gay.

National Coming Out Day was founded 1988 by Dr. Robert Eichberg and Jean O'Leary, in celebration of the second Gay March on Washington, D.C. the previous year. The purposes of both were to promote awareness of gay, bisexual, lesbian and transgender rights and to rejoice in it all. For 20 years, it’s been a day to publicly celebrate being who you are, and is often used as an opportunity to tell others as well.

Coming out, while different for every individual, is a critical part of accepting that you’re gay, bisexual, lesbian or transgender. (Imagine if heterosexual folks had to have a tear- and angst-filled moment when they made the brave decision to declare their sexual orientation or gender identity and risk being rejected, fired, beaten, thrown out of their home, etc.?) For some lgbt people, the experience is joyful; for some it’s uncomfortable; for some it instills anger in those they come out to; for some it’s a tragic time of rejection and depression. But for many, once proclaimed, it’s a time of freedom, relief, and often a moment of “Gee, we were waiting for you to tell us!” when coming out to supportive family, co-workers and friends.

When I came out to my dear friend, Robert, we celebrated over steaks and Martini’s at a tony steak house in Manhatttan. When I came out to even more friends when visiting from my hometown of Chicago - in celebration at my East Village apartment - we all ate cake, drank Champaign and jumped on the beds. When I came out to my sister Mags, she said "Honey, you’ve done a lousy job of hiding it. I've known that for years!”

But when I was only fourteen my mom came out for me. While folding cloths together she said that she thought I might just be kinda’ different from her other two kids (Maybe it was my ability to crochet that tipped her off?) and that if I had special questions she said she’d always be there to answer them for me.

Now that I am no longer in the closet, there’s plenty of room for other things in there! I’m always putting away belongings and endlessly tidying up by stuffing clothes, brooms, bed and bath linens, winter coats, hats and who-knows-what into closets. Unfortunately, depending on the humidity, they can sometimes smell musty. That’s when I get out the baking soda to freshen them up. I just tear off the top of a fresh box, put it on the floor or a shelf in the closet, and let it do its thing. After a month or so, I replace the old baking soda with a fresh box and use the old stuff for some other cleaning projects to dispose of it—it never goes to waste!

Here at home (and hopefully yours, too) our closets are meant for our baggage and belongings and not the people we love. If you’re either “in”, “out” or somewhere inbetween, it’s important to live life gloriously, in full view, sharing your joys and life-experiences openly…even if you’re not gay but just a closeted cleaning freak.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (www.thedailygreen.com) and the Huffington Post (www.huffingtonpost.com). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal-Bravo’s eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com).

Please consider the environment.

The Jewish New Year
“We will open the book. Its pages are blank…
The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day.”
~Edith Lovejoy Pierce

On Rosh Hashanah – the time of year when God decides whose names get added to the “Book of Life” (hopefully yours!) - Jews across the world get a clarion call when the shofar (ram’s horn) is blown, to awaken them from their self-righteousness, and to begin the process of atoning for the sins of the past year. During the afternoon of the first day of Rosh Hashanah, the practice of tashlikh is observed, in which prayers are recited near natural flowing water. It’s the moment when one’s sins are cast upon the water, and literally, pieces of bread or small stones are tossed into the river or stream so that symbolically you can watch your bad deeds start to float away.

Because it is also a time of gathering and eating with family (my partner Richard is Jewish, and boy do we eat and eat and eat at these holiday dinners), to be sure, there’ll be plenty of dusting, vacuuming, washing, polishing, scrubbing and waxing alongside a tremendous amount of cooking, baking, roasting, and preparing gallons and gallons of chicken soup.

But more than being a time of feasting, Rosh Hashanah begins a 10-day period of repenting—ending in Yom Kippur, the holiest day in the Jewish calendar, and the actual start of the New Year. Biblical scholars believe that when the Prophet John, The Baptist, in the Book of Matthew (3:2) said "...Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand," he was referring to the Jewish New Year and they think that he was speaking on the eve of Yom Kippur. He was announcing the final call for repentance before the Day of the Covering of Sin (Yom Kippur).

The Hebrew term for this period of repentance is Teshuvah which means returning to the predestined path set for us when we were born. The Jewish view is to use mistakes to grow and move forward, because - as we all know - mistakes happen and fixing them so that they aren’t repeated can be a test…literally and figuratively.

So in preparing for the Jewish New Year celebration, the act of cleaning internal and external impurities becomes the real challenge and the real goal. (Gee, I can make a cleaning metaphor out of anything, huh!!??)

Imagine, for instance, a bathtub that’s not been scrubbed over the course of an entire year. If such a tub existed, there’d be blackened, oily footprints everywhere, shampoo gunked up here and there, splats of toothpaste along the rim, dribbles of conditioner under that caddy thingy, soap scum galore, a gigantic clump of hair stuck in the strainer and a three inch ring of moldy residue all the way around the tub. (That butcher, baker and candlestick maker must have been complete slobs!) But in all seriousness, it’s hard to make yourself clean (or restful, or contemplative, or peaceful) in any dirty place let alone in a grubby tub.

Metaphorically, each of us is a bathtub wanting to be clean, and Rosh Hashanah becomes the perfect chance to start fresh. It’s an opportunity to buff away blunders, rub polish onto our faux pas, and scrub satisfaction back into our souls—and if need be, “wash that man right outta our hair!”

It can start with recognizing our unfortunate shortcomings, putting a stop to unfortunate actions, regretting our unfortunate behaviors, feeling truly sorry for being so unfortunately nasty, owning and explaining our personal idiocy, asking for and hopefully finding forgiveness, and then never, never, never repeating our unfortunate mistakes (the hardest rub of all!!). And along the way we might ask ourselves “Am I hurting others, am I blind to what’s important, am I being insensitive and – most importantly – am I getting in my own way?” It’s kind of a “scrub-a-dub-dub” that’s good for our bathtub, our brain and our soul.

But if your bathtub is as dirty as the one I just described (Someone hold my hand - I think I’m gonna’ pass out.) or you just need to make it shine like new on a weekly basis - toss in a pinch of salt for good luck (and then another larger pinch for its amazing ability to scrub so well) and a generous sprinkling of baking soda over the entire surface. Then scrub like the dickens with a dampened soft cloth. My favorite part is to then finish up by jumping barefoot into the tub and splishing-n-splashing clear water everywhere. (Bet ya’ wouldn’t dare do that with that bleach-infused commercial stuff, now would ya?) And if you’re the type who takes “the casting of one’s sins upon the water” literally, the jumping in part is - of course – a metaphoric bonus, too. Once rinsed, you’ll find the whiter-than-white porcelain tub that once lay hidden and lost behind all that grime.

Rosh Hashanah and the Celebration of the Jewish New Year (or even cleaning your bathtub for that matter) isn’t only about becoming squeaky-clean or about being a better person - it’s really just about being aware, about being mindful, and about being just plain-old kind.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (www.thedailygreen.com) and the Huffington Post (www.huffingtonpost.com). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal-Bravo’s eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com).

Please consider the environment.

Christopher Reeves’ Birthday
"Be your own hero, it's cheaper than a movie ticket."
~Doug Horton

Years ago, as a mild mannered artist, I cleaned apartments for professors, photo-editors, designers, television and Broadway producers, a photo instructor, a chiropractor and even a guy who made wigs for Saturday Night Live. And with keys in hand, I traveled my own Metropolis via the New York City subway system as a cleansing crusader (minus the spandex of course.)

Most of my clients wanted the “usual” stuff – a scrubbed bathroom, a shiny fresh kitchen, for me to swing a duster here and there, to chase the vacuum around and then to finish it all off with a quick mopping. But for extra cash I also performed super-human feats by running errands, organizing closets, collecting dry cleaning, ironing linens, polishing silver, changing sheets, picking up groceries, washing windows, making floral arrangements, baby-sitting, rearranging entire rooms, and even choosing furniture, bedding and draperies.

But my regular Tuesday client was a dusk-to-dawn affair who wanted it “all” and then some…including laundry done in the building’s machines three flights down. With my arms filled to capacity, I found my way to the basement for an afternoon of “fluff-n-fold.”

In a small communal laundry room next to the boiler, at the folding table tucked neatly between two coin-operated machines, I’d regularly see Superman (Really!). There, like clockwork was Christopher Reeves in street clothes. But even without his red cape, red boots, red boxers and blue uni-tard - in my mind he was still faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, a strange visitor from another planet who came to earth with a laundry list of powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men.

Yep, “the flesh and blood” Christopher Reeves – the same one who was beloved by millions as both the mild-mannered reporter, Clark Kent, and Superman, the “Man of Steel.” But in this odd, mundane but very real setting, he became for me not just Christopher Reeves, but rather Clark Kent in a Christopher Reeves disguise - casually hiding behind glasses and a baseball hat while pushing mismatched loads of his family’s clothing into and out of washers and dryers. It was like seeing Clark Kent impersonating a bumbling Christopher Reeves so that I - just for that moment - might feel super (and superior—because boy did he not know how to wash clothes!). Similar to the way Superman impersonated a bumbling Clark Kent to make others feel like they, too, were a cut above.

But unlike Superman, our Birthday-boy Mr. Reeves wasn’t rocketed to Earth from a distant planet; never squeezed coal into diamonds, couldn’t travel back in time or soar into outer space, wasn’t capable of moving planets, and - in this instance - wasn’t very good at doing laundry, either.

Had he just divided his whites, colors and dark fabrics into separate loads and added a capful of white vinegar to his laundry, he would have kept his colors bold and his whites bright. Never-the-less – regardless of his less than super washing powers evidenced in his pink-stained tidy-whities and dingy-gray baby diapers - for me - Tuesday’s have forever remained “Sorting with Superman Day.”

Since my cleaning days, we’ve all lost a super-hero to human frailty. But what I’ve taken away from the time spent while folding and sorting is that whether troubled by twisters, ponderous over plummeting airplanes, upset by metropolis-squashing meteors, or even let down by loads of lackluster laundry - Superman, Clark Kent, Christopher Reeves, and even you and I continuously teeter-totter between our humanity, the spin cycle, those missing red boxers, and a fickle, ever-changing universe.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (www.thedailygreen.com) and the Huffington Post (www.huffingtonpost.com). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal-Bravo’s eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com).

Please consider the environment.

Speak like a Pirate Day
“…if we lived and were good,
God would permit us to be pirates.”
~ Mark Twain

Poop deck, port, prow, and starboard - the briny deep, the reef below, fair winds, and sailing the seven seas…it’s all in a days work for an old sea-dog lookout - spyglass in hand and perched high in his crow's nest - keeping his eyes peeled for land. “Ahoooy!” he cries to warn the worn Cap’n Sea-Legs. Thar' in the distance - small yet faint - it grows out of the horizon - a deserted island. “Land ho!”, a fellow matey sounds.

The rounded mound of island appears through the mist as all hands on board catch site of sand, coral filled turquoise water, swaying palms and a stranded couple on the beach - all sun-scorched and in tatters - a marooned Buccaneer and his lassie-wench. And in the mind of every scurvy dog on deck lies a pirate’s fantasy of buried treasure, piles of pieces-of-eight, and the mother-lode - a booty-filled chest of gold Doubloons. Oh, the thrill of plundering, robbing, and sacking along the Barbary Coast - ‘taint nothing like it, aye!

The adventure of pillage, however, happened rarely to those in search of excitement and, more often than not, the monotony and drudgery of ship-life was the norm. I can almost hear the lead Skipper saying “The bardom of da’ open sea, frequent scarvy, the lack of grog-n-grub…me hearties…leaves any man - pirate, thief or thug - hankerin’ for more. Sure…there’s stuff to do on board. There’s spyin’ fur th' mother of all whales, polishin’ me’ sword, rowin’, sailin’, fightin’, attackin’ galleons, or watchin’ some sad-sack traitor walk the plank. But - shiver me timbers - there’s nothin’ like swabbin’ the decks.”

Romanticized-adventuring-dirt-bag or not - on this hearty day - become a respectable yet daring, swashbuckling eco-pirate (Green-Beard?) by sportin’ a Tricorne hat, an eye-patch (covering just one of your peepers is sufficient) and a parrot on your shoulder to complete the look. Fully clad, commemorate the day by scrubbing your stairs, mopping your floors or swabbin’ your own decks with something safe and sound…I’ll bet me’ last gold Doubloon they did.

Now me’ maties - begin by making a paste of baking soda and water to remove shoe and furniture scuffs on all kinds of flooring. Continue by adding one half of a cup of baking soda to a bucket of water to swab the deck - uhm, I mean wash the floors. Mop with swarthy gusto, rinse and wipe dry.

Just ‘cause it’s speak like a pirate day doesn’t mean you have to live like one. Unleash your inner Cap’n Bligh and “Git off yur sorry keester…ya’ mangy scallywag.” and make your personal bounty shipshape. Whether channeling smart Black Bart, becoming cunning Captain Kidd, or acting like bloodthirsty Blackbeard – safely swabbin’ your deck, linoleum, tile or wood flooring is never reason for a mutiny…. Arrrrrgh!

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on Hearst Publishing’s first online magazine, “The Daily Green” (www.thedailygreen.com). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal’s new eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com where you can send him your questions about housecleaning problems. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com). Please consider the environment.

“I, John, take you Jacqueline…”
"Don't let it be forgot, that once there was a spot,
for one brief shining moment that was known as Camelot"
~ Lerner and Loewe

With early-fall cool breezes and blue skies overhead, late summer is a perfect time of year to steal someone's heart and get hitched.

It was just that when John Kennedy and Jacqueline Bouvier tied the knot. And could there have been a more swellegant place to do it than in Newport, Rhode Island - the warm weather capital of American high-society and a Mecca for the wealthiest of the wealthiest?

If you’re planning to say "I do" there, too, you might find yourself rubbing elbows with the Astors or Vanderbilts, eying the mega-bling from Tiffany, Cartier or Van Cleef & Arpels, viewing magnificent flower arrangements, nibbling a five-tier wedding cake, waving to three thousand well wishers outside the church, greeting a thou’ or two of your nearest and dearest after the ceremony, holding closely to your perfect mate, and - depending on whether you really want one or not – wearing a memorable, original, handmade silk wedding gown.

After makin’ eyes at her “Mr. Right” and dreaming of walking the new ball-n-chain down the aisle, Jacqueline Bouvier, expected, and surely got, the prescribed “three-ring circus” when she married John F. Kennedy. (And why not…they were a match made in heaven.) Ms. “O” was then a beautiful young columnist with a camera who wrote "Inquiring Camera Girl" for The Washington Times-Herald, and JFK was the newly elected senator from Massachusetts.

Before twelve hundred people, on September 12, 1953 they took their vows and sealed it with those two little words, at St. Mary’s Church, the oldest Roman Catholic parish in Newport. And thus began their picture-perfect life together, filled with Pulitzer Prizes, the creation of the Peace Corps, the Nuclear Test Ban Treaty, the 35th US Presidency, the Space Program, a complete restoration of the White House, and two wonderful children.

But on your big day, what if butter-cream or bubbly lands on your wedding dress? In that situation, it’s often best to think, “WWJD” - “What would Jackie Do?” Even the memorable handmade silk “Camelot” wedding gown worn by Jacqueline Bouvier-Kennedy might have been the object of a nuptial mishap. Had it happened to Jackie, though, she would have breathed deep, found her center, cooled her jets, and evaluated the situation by saying “How bad can it be?”

Out of control Bride-zilla or a calm and collected Bouvier, make sure you use the correct remedy for your stains. For red wine, softly dab at the spill with a clean dry white cloth followed by again dabbing with the spot with a damp white cloth and then dab some more. (Don’t rub!) If it’s still visible add just a dash of white vinegar, and continue to blot. To camouflage the remaining offense, sprinkle the area with baking soda…nobody will notice.

For oily stains - from makeup to meat-sauce - sprinkle the area liberally with baking soda, sit patiently for about ten minutes (remembering to smile!), and then shake the excess off while you’re out on the dance floor.

Getting hitched, popping the question, setting a date or just settling down - it all starts with whispering sweet nothings in someone's ear. And if your day is as perfect as Jackie’s and John’s - with a “Camelot spot” or without, remember that once the confetti’s been swept away and the rental chairs have been returned, you married the dude not the dress.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on Hearst Publishing’s first online magazine, “The Daily Green” (www.thedailygreen.com). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal’s new eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com where you can send him your questions about housecleaning problems. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com). Please consider the environment.