New Years Eve
(And National Bicarbonate of Soda Day)

While watching the last moments of ’08 slip by -
Tossing back cocktails, forlorn and cockeyed.
At the stroke of twelve, hugging all with delight -
Men in tuxedos, and leggy ladies in dresses skintight.

We find our way home, somewhat assembled – quasi,
After self-medicating from our host’s ample supply.

We crawl under the sheets, to avoid the daylight,
Recollecting the night’s actions with bleary hindsight.

But by making resolutions while a barfly,
We’re bound to set standards so high we can’t try.
So in future, make decisions in sober daylight.
Instead of dim-witted – they’ll be dynamite.
~Michael DeJong

Expectations get lowered, trousers get lowered, interest rates have been lowered, with meds our blood pressure and anxiety levels get lowered, the drinking age in some states has been lowered, and our pensions and 401Ks have also been lowered. But on New Year’s Eve - like clockwork - millions of people still insist on freezing in lowered temperatures huddled in massive crowds in New York City’s Times Square as they watch in amazement as the gigantic crystal ball - too - is lowered.

But it’s not just in the hustle and bustle of big cities that things get lowered in celebration of the New Year. Take for instance Bethlehem, Pennsylvanian’s 25-pound fiberglass illuminated Peep; or Easton, Maryland’s grotesquely enormous imitation of a steamed red crab; or Lebanon, Pennsylvania’s seven-and-a-half-foot “fit-to-be-eaten” bologna; or Mount Olive, North Carolina’s three-foot tall shimmering pickle; or New Orleans’ paper mache gumbo pot; or Plymouth, Wisconsin’s super huge, yet thankfully artificial, hunk-o-cheese; or Port Clinton, Ohio’s 20-foot 600-pound fiberglass walleye; or Raleigh, North Carolina’s 1,250-pound copper acorn; and let’s not forget Key West, Florida’s local Drag Queen in her glittering six-foot tall, red, high-heeled shoe. Everywhere, it seems, things get lowered to ring in the New Year.

Descending “stuff” aside, many people look to the New Year as an uplifting fresh start. But for most of us, what it really becomes is a fresh start to old habits. (You know how it goes - in one year and out the other?) This year, instead of New Years Eve being a fresh start to last year’s bad habits how about it becoming a fresh start to freshness?

As many of you already know - New Years Eve or not - baking soda sparkles like a freshly fallen first snow. (Somewhat appropriate considering that here in the eastern portion of the United States, it’s winter.) White, powdery and soft to the touch, odorless and inert upon inspection, baking soda most commonly loiters in the fridge behind leftovers, lunchmeat and lettuce. Not just great as a refrigerator deodorizer, it’s remarkably useful when sprinkled, scattered, spread, strewn, or kept in your closet, kitty litter, crisper or carport. (And you’re probably wondering to yourself “Hmmm? What’s this got to do with New Years Eve?”)

On New Year’s Eve, while the rest of the world is lowering wedges of cheese, copper acorns, blackened gumbo pots, illuminated Peeps, shimmering pickles, steaming crabs, super-sized bolognas, walleyes and - yes - even Drag Queens, many of us blindly lower our standards…especially while inebriated, and belly-ing up to the all-you-can-eat buffets oblivious to the affordable booze and cheap chow that we’re consuming.

On New Year’s morning – when you’re feeling anything but fresh - baking soda (bicarbonate of soda) works great for that “morning after” bellyache. Just mix one quarter teaspoon of baking soda into a quarter cup of water in your choice of a freshly rinsed highball, lowball, wine glass, champagne flute, martini glass, shot glass, brandy snifter, or beer mug. Give it a swirl, take a deep breath, toss back the swig, wait for that inevitable refreshing belch, and greet the spanking New Year with a smile.

Happy New Year!
(And yes…I really did write the poem.)

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal-Bravo’s eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com. (http://www.greenisuniversal.com/ask_mr_green.php) “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com).

Please consider the environment.

Christmas
“Roses are reddish.

Violets are bluish.

If it weren't for Christmas,

We'd all be Jewish.”

~Benny Hill

For every occasion - Christmas, Hanukah or otherwise – my partner Richard and I have a code for gift giving. Whatever it is - it has to be consumable, edible, drinkable, burnable (Okay…I know what you’re thinking, - but no. I’m talking about candles or incense.), or time sensitive things like tickets to the theater or movie passes.

During the Holidays, gifts, of course, are important to many – especially kids. When I was a rug-rat, my mom used to make tons of stuff for us each Christmas. During the year she’d knit and crochet sweaters, goofy hats, horrible scarves and oversized mittens from thread she rescued from outdated knitwear that she’d unravel. (Funny how our hats always seemed to be the ones first offered up for the neighborhood snowmen.)

The things she would knit weren’t always the best fitting or the prettiest, but in that moment – on Christmas Eve when the lights of the tree sparkled, with the scent of her handmade candles everywhere, unwrapping gifts to the quiet hum of carols - we knew that she had made them - stitch by stitch, night after night. The fact is, my mother was a frugal Dutch immigrant who had survived World War II as a teenager, scraping by with her family to survive the occupation, and she learned how to make magic out of nothing. (Shine-ola!) Nothing went to waste, everything was re-used, and making things by hand was just what ya’ did.

She sewed things, too. There were ill-fitting pants (Imagine this…pink and green seer-sucker hip-huggers with fringe. Ooo-la-laaa! …I wish I still had them!), the occasional coat, for my sister a dress without buttons (she ran out of time) and one year, from a bolt of fabric she found in a clearance bin, she created matching florescent orange Nehru shirts for my sister Mags, my older brother, John, and me. (Presented in our “glowing” holiday finery, I’m certain that the ladies from church thought that we had joined up with the local Hare Krishnas.)

But when mom baked it was easy to forgive all of her fashion transgressions. She made endless batches of homemade oatmeal bars, lemon squares, pecan sandies, chocolate chip cookies (salvaging the chocolate from our Halloween booty), and our favorite - British toffee. She’d also decorate canisters rescued during the year with smartly applied compositions cut from the previous year’s Christmas cards, ribbons and paper, before filling them and delivering them to our schoolteachers, Sunday School instructors, Scout leaders, band directors, and just about anyone else she had on her list.

Mom also saved glass jars in which to store her homemade preserves…apple and pear butter, and cherry, grape, apricot, strawberry, and even tomato jams. She’d prepare them when the fruits were in season, covering each with a protective coating of paraffin and then storing the packed preserves away in the pantry. And with the left over jars and the remaining wax she’d fill each with a wick and create a mountain of Christmas candles. Decorated and always available, these too made great last minute memorable holiday gifts.

Of course there were some store bought toys that came and went but the ones she and my dad made in the shop downstairs were - and still are - the ones I cherish most. There were cutouts of circus animals made from scraps of pine painted with remainders of house paint. There were puppets sewn from clothing we had outgrown or detested (Definitely not the Nehru shirts!). There were also toys salvaged from discount bins and resale shops that were repainted and repaired to like-new.

My folks were resourceful. As recent immigrants to this country they offered each of their three children – in my opinion – a magical childhood. And although neither of them had more than grade-school educations, their wealth of knowledge, skills and shear “chutzpa” made us feel like the luckiest family on the block.

So instead of having a “Green Christmas,” perhaps we make this a “Homemade” kind of Holiday…where small, meaningful, handmade gifts from the heart are delivered in wonderful recycled wrappings and enormous bows.

Remember, it’s not gifts that make it a merry Christmas, happy Hanukah or a totally cheerful Kwanzaa…it’s the special brand of holiday spirit we share with others that makes it all worthwhile.

Happy Holidays!

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal-Bravo’s eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com. (http://www.greenisuniversal.com/ask_mr_green.php) “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com).

Please consider the environment.

National
Chocolate Covered
“Anything”
Day
“Researchers have discovered that chocolate produced
some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana.
The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two,
but can't remember what they are.”
~Matt Lauer on NBC's Today Show

Wackos the world over have been covering anything and everything imaginable with chocolate…ants, bacon, bananas, coffee beans, dates, apples, edamame, grasshoppers, grub worms, jalapeno peppers, assorted nuts (In my opinion, nuts just take up space where the chocolate oughta’ be.), pickles, potato chips, pretzels, seaweed, slugs, strawberries, Twinkies, and the ever-popular - sweet on the outside but nasty on the inside - chocolate covered onions. Pregnant or not, just about everything tastes better when slathered in a yummy coating of chocolate…well almost everything.

Sure - many eat chocolate all by itself for the sheer enjoyment of it—me being one of them. But in case you need any convincing, there are those “urban legend” health benefits associated with eating chocolate that might inspire you to celebrate this incredible holiday. For instance, chocolate supposedly slows down the aging process (It may not be scientifically proven. But not eat chocolate? Why take the risk?), invigorates the circulatory system, rejuvenates the brain, prevents coughs – and though it’s never been medically proven – many people swear that chocolate is an aphrodisiac that arouses their sexual desires as well. Convinced yet?

So let’s review: Chocolate contains agents found naturally in the human brain that stimulate lust, mood changes, euphoria, an increased heart rate, feelings of well being, and - in the event that romance is part of the plan - improved endurance. OK, OK, it might be a bit of a stretch to call chocolate a “love potion” - but if nothing else – it sure tastes delicious and makes ya’ feel good. So how bad could it be?!

Eating chocolate just to make you feel good, or even eating it with the expectation that it will improve the vibes down “you know where,” there is always a down side (every action has a reaction!). Because of all its empty calories, too much chocolate unfortunately can also add a few pounds to an already existing “spare tire,” “guzzle gut,” or “jelly-belly.” (When I’m a few pounds over my limit my partner, Richard, sings to me, “It must be jelly ‘cause jam don’t shake that way.” Sure…I could give up chocolate – but, hey - I'm no quitter!)

On National Chocolate Covered “Anything” Day - after you’ve finished totally indulging yourself, and have dipped everything imaginable into the luscious dark velvety goodness of melted chocolate, you’re certain to have the telltale kiss of it on you somewhere. To eliminate the incriminating evidence that you indeed are a chocoholic – the first step is to admit that you are powerless over chocolate. Next, begin removing as much of the hardened brown goop as you can. (No…sucking it out of the garment, or licking it out of the grout isn’t an option! Trust me on this, I’ve tried!) Follow by rinsing the area in room temperature water and sprinkling the stained area with baking soda. Then add about a tablespoon of white vinegar…the “Mr. Wizard”-like reaction should lift the stain much like the chocolate lifted your spirits. Then just wash as you normally would.

Celebrate this day – it comes but once a year. So in honor of the sweetest day on the calendar, write the words "gobble,” “wolf,” “munch,” “chomp,” “devour” - or simply – “dine upon” chocolate at the very top of your To-Do list. That way, even if you’re a natural born procrastinator - at least this time - you'll definitely see one of your tasks to completion.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal-Bravo’s eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com. (http://www.greenisuniversal.com/ask_mr_green.php) “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com).

Please consider the environment.

Christmas Card Day
“Mail your packages early so the
post office can lose them in time for Christmas.”

~ Johnny Carson

In the early 19th century it was customary to drop-a-line - envelopes filled with seasonal messages on calling cards or in letters - to both family and friends at the holidays.

As a marriage of art and technology, Sir Henry Cole - founder of London’s Victoria and Albert Museum - commissioned artist John Calcott-Horsley to whip up a card displaying jovial folks enjoying the festivities of the season paired with images of feeding and clothing the poor and the words “A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.”

Back then - Christmas cards were expensive because they were individually crafted and delivered in person. Faced with a predicament of mountains of Christmas greetings to send, in 1843 Henry Cole invented the first printed Christmas cards.

Delivered by mail or carried by hand many still send and receive Christmas cards. Embellished with images of gingerbread houses, sparkling landscapes, Santa Claus tumbling down a chimney, rooftops cluttered with reindeer, googly-eyed cats tied up in ribbons, red-faced and hysterical babies presented on Santa’s knee or an ornery dog writing holiday greetings in the snow…we’ve all gotten them and sent them just the same.

Sending cards through the mail, for many, is a way to celebrate the holiday season be it Hanukkah, Christmas or Kwanzaa. As an expression of acknowledgment to those we share time with throughout the year, we toil over notes of recognition.

But with the rising cost of mail services, not to mention the price of the cards themselves, shopping for them, and then being faced with an inability to compose something meaningful and witty - Ecards have become the twenty-first-century replacement for a pile of envelopes stuffed thought the holiday mail slot.

While deemed impersonal or déclassé by many, Ecards are eco-friendly (no paper, no ink, no trucking, no shipping, no packaging, no displaying, blah, blah, blah) and they leave infinitesimally tiny environmental footprints.

But if your “Ho-Ho-Ho” message must be delivered in that time honored tradition of being an ink-smeared exchange with a friend, relative or colleague – remember that blots from a pen are easily removed from cloth by placing lemon juice directly onto the spot. Allow it to sit overnight before laundering as usual. Repeat if necessary before drying.

Hand written or hand typed, meaningful words of joy make the holidays what they are. No matter what holiday is most meaningful to you at this time of year (or if none are) I send you my best wishes for a happy holiday season, and the hope for a brighter future for us all.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal-Bravo’s eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com. (http://www.greenisuniversal.com/ask_mr_green.php) “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com).

Please consider the environment.