Beautiful Bucks
“A fool and his money are lucky enough
to get together in the first place.”
~ Stanley Weiser

Stop what you’re doing for a moment and examine the contents of your pockets or purse. Dig deep and you might find your house or car keys, a pack of stale gum or lint covered breath mints, a scrunched up taxi receipt, Jimmy Hoffa (threw that in just to see if you’re actually reading this!), a credit card or two, some loose change if you’re lucky, and maybe even a mangled buck, fiver or even a Jackson. Now, if you discover “Bacon,” “Bread,” “Clams,” “Dough,” or “Lettuce” - either you just shoplifted the local supermarket or you’ve just visited your nearest ATM.

Money, no matter what you call it, has been around as long as people have had the necessity to buy and sell rather than barter for what they need or want. Printed currency and coins evolved from prehistoric forms of cash and a need to create a more convenient means of payment. (Imagine if you will the following: “Ummm…I’d like a decaf-mochachino-low-foam-extra-soymilk-latte-grande, please. Are you still accepting cows and magic beans, or may I pay you with some shells and a handful of whale’s teeth?”) The awkwardness of handing over a pig to pay your rent, offering a live chicken in lieu of money for your phone bill, or swapping a kitten to settle your bar tab might be colorful (albeit unsanitary and against PETA principles!), but the simplicity of handing over even a grungy wad of hard cash makes the entire exchange much less messy and, for certain, alleviates the hassle, emotional distress and trauma to our wildlife, four-legged friends and barnyard animals.

But while more sanitary than “financial fowl,” if you haven’t noticed…money’s just plain old dirty. It’s been handed from one unknown individual to another unknown individual, time-after-time, after which it makes its way to you and then gets conveniently stashed away in your wallet, pocket, change-purse, or mattress. And even assuming that you, personally, are fastidiously neat and hygienic, those bills and all that coinage have been sweated on, smudged and stained from greasy fingers, fallen on the ground, handled by just-sneezed-on hands, or collected dust and cat dander while lost in your favorite chair or couch. Yick!

And what about that nest egg of yours? Nowadays, rather than your money multiplying (no matter how dirty), pretty much all that is happening is that the mints are making the ink on our greenbacks more colorful, and the metal surfaces on our coinage more sparkly. Your money’s not worth as much as it was a year ago, but it sure is clean and crisp straight out of the ATM.

So I ask you, with the economy in a such a slump, the housing crisis at its peak, and interest rates at an all-time low, why pay others to clean your moola’? (Hmmm…Neat and tidy “Georges,” “Bens,” and “Abes” vs. the potential of literally “rolling in it?”) Why continually let the big-boys have all of the fun?

My Tip-of-the-Week? Withdraw your savings, load up your washtub with tepid water, add a cupful of baking soda and ¼ cup white vinegar, and launder your money yourself. By doing it by hand you won’t only be saving an arm and a leg, but you’ll gain peace-of-mind from knowing that your financial reserves are naturally fresh and clean.

And in the event you’ve been saving for a rainy day, not to worry. The occasional April shower may bring mayflowers, but it too works wonders for “re-crisping your lettuce!” To be even more environmental, rather than hand washing your cash as suggested above, consider merely hanging your greenbacks out back while it’s drizzling. They too, will benefit from a downpour. (I’m not sure why, but our neighbors seem to get so excited when we put up our clothesline!) A day of fresh air and sunshine will revive your own stagnating economy.

Remember—broke, nouveau riche or tight-fisted, dirty dollars are a no-no. Use your newly laundered currency with fiscal pride. And again, be thankful that we no longer trade critters for payment, much to the relief of doomful does, harsh hamsters, humorless hedgehogs, somber squirrels and “stearn bears” everywhere.

GOTCHA.
(April Fools!)

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three (now four) goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly Blog on www.thedailygreen.com. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. Take the “zen-cleansing” quiz at Latitude U. www.latitudeu.com

Please consider the environment.

Easter
“You can have either the Resurrection or you can have Liberace.
But you can’t have both.”
~Liberace (Negotiating billing with the Easter Show at Radio City Music Hall)

Almost as synonymous with Easter as the resurrection of Jesus, are Peeps. You know them…the soft bird-like, lemon-colored marshmallows that fill the shelves of grocery and specialty stores this time of year. My family has oddball ideas of not only when to eat them but just how to eat them, too. For instance, my sister in-law, Georgean, purchases them weeks before the “big day” and immediately removes the plastic wrapping to sacrifice the fleshy squishy rows of chickadees to the drying fresh air. By simply abandoning them on top of her refrigerator, by Easter Sunday, her Peeps have cultivated a perfect fatal “crunch” when bitten into. Others in my family prefer to nuke the little birdies in the microwave for a few seconds—watching in awe as they miraculously grow to five times their size, before collapsing into a hot, mushy, marshmallow puddle—mmm!

Easter is a spring day filled with miraculous and metaphorical delights. Traditions abound with a visitation by the mythical basket-carrying-door-to-door-hopping-bunny, decorating eggs, nibbling on the aforementioned spongy sugar-coated birds (now sold in a rainbow of artificial colors), marching in parades and donning bonnets, munching on mountains of psychedelic jelly beans and foil wrapped chocolates, mailboxes filled with both religious and sac-religious cards and armies of irritated babies outfitted in lacy finery and saggy tights.

And dead center in the eye of the “Easter Tornado” (right next to the risen sacrificial lamb), are bleary-eyed children ogling their heaps of Easter morning goodies—“jonesing” for their first sugar fix since Halloween.

The season of spring, much like Easter, returns year after year, bringing with it the eternal hope of rebirth and renewal. It breaks the winter’s dreaded seclusion with joyous displays of softly colored daffodils, the shininess of lavender and white crocuses, and the delicacy of leafless trees filled with buds and blossoms. Spring’s mystery includes the softening of the ground, and the awakening of the earth from a season of slumber, while it also marks the return of birds and animals from their migrations and hibernation, filling the warming air with sound and movement. And, much like the resurrected Christ-figure, what was once cold and lifeless, now, too, appears fresh and once more full of life.

As spring miraculously sends up the first tender shoots of new grass, it does so just in time for Easter’s main event - across the country, on lawns everywhere, our littlest citizens romp, roll, crawl, run, and jump decked out in their Easter-best, searching for those tacky colored eggs. And while many get more than their share of those magical orbs and have zoned out on sugary snacks, all of them - big and small - get more than they or their parents bargained for—brand new outfits covered with nasty grass stains.

So at this holiest as well as happiest time of year, whether hunting for eggs or miraculously being resurrected - youngster or Savior - knees always take the brunt of our outside activities, anointing even the most innocent with an unmistakable “chlorophyll stigmata.” So rather than cursing them simply remove unfortunate grass stains from just about any garment. Begin by mixing one-third cup white vinegar and two-thirds cup water, applying the solution to the stain and blotting with a clean cloth. Repeat the process as needed and then wash as usual. (This is one miracle that works year-round, too!)

No matter if dressed in Godly-basics or Gap-baby,

a grass stain is just a grass stain—and never, ever a sin.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three (now four) goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly Blog on www.thedailygreen.com. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. Take the “zen-cleansing” quiz at Latitude U. www.latitudeu.com

Please consider the environment.

World Day for Water
“Water, water, everywhere

Nor any drop to drink.”
- Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Water is our single most treasured natural resource, encompassing more than two thirds of our earth’s surface. It’s vital for all of nature’s flora and fauna—amphibians, birds, fish, invertebrates (snakes and other wiggly critters), insects, reptiles, mammals, plants, trees, and flowers. Water is critical to sustaining life everywhere, and for everything nature provides. We humans enjoy it too, by swimming, sailing, snorkeling, scuba diving, singin’ in the rain, running through a lawn sprinkler or playfully splashing in what we just assume is the cleanest and clearest water we can find. And we love the convenience of turning on the tap and drinking or bathing in it or simply just brushing our teeth.

As human beings, H20 is essential to our life and well-being. Our muscles are 75% water and our blood contains 83% water. If we’re healthy and hydrated, we keep ourselves at peak performance physically and mentally. An ancient Chinese proverb tells us, “When drinking water, think of its source.” And although we know its importance as the finest beverage available, we also selfishly squander it away by unconsciously polluting it in all its forms: rivers, streams, creeks, groundwater, reservoirs, lakes, and oceans. Our collective carelessness threatens our species and animals too by altering water’s drink-ability. As I write, more than 1 billion human beings are hopelessly resorting to drinking and cooking with unsafe water. The end result is that across the planet, just from water-borne diseases or dehydration, nearly 3,900 children die every day. (Imagine what that frightening number means - it’s greater than the populations of many small towns across America!)

In our own country and across the developed world, in our quest for “whiter whites” and in our nutty and newly promoted obsession with the eradication of household bacteria, countless household items we use day after day, contain pollutants that actually endanger our well-being, the public’s health and the environment. Think about it—in home after home, when we clean, we are actually adding toxic chemicals to remove the dirt, and then finish the process by sending it all down the drain and back into the water supply.

There are countless household cleaners and detergents, that, out of necessity, we use day after day. Without even thinking about it, we use commercial products that contain toxins that endanger public health and the environment. By using stuff that’s so much safer, we will collectively create tiny ripples that will become powerful tides of change for the good of the planet, just by using natural alternatives in our home. Try using baking soda, borax, salt, lemon and white vinegar, alone, or experiment with them together in remarkably safe yet effective combinations. Then, just from cleaning, you’ll also become a hands-on global citizen.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three (now four) goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly Blog on www.thedailygreen.com. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. Take the “zen-cleansing” quiz at Latitude U. www.latitudeu.com

Please consider the environment.

World Book Day

The books we think we ought to read are poky, dull, and dry;

The books that we would like to read we are ashamed to buy;

The books that people talk about we never can recall;

And the books that people give us, oh, they’re the worst of all.
- Carolyn Wells

With hopes to encourage everyone - children and adults alike - to discover or rediscover reading, as well as gain esteem for authors, UNESCO’s General Conference created World Book Day to pay a wide-reaching global salute to books.

Years ago, as a teenager, my partner, Richard, asked his best friend, Steven if he wanted a book for his birthday, to which, without skipping a beat, Steven replied, “No thanks, I already have one.” This has remained a continuing joke that still makes us laugh whenever we repeat it. And in my case, Richard sometimes applies it literally. But I read – really, I do! However, I’m not much of a book reader—I’m more of a magazine, newspaper and Internet reader. (We know who we are.)

And while I may not crack a spine all that often, I do love books, not just for the writing found within, but equally for the physicality of the object when held in my hands. Richard and I have such an appreciation for books that we have two rooms in our house completely devoted to shelves stacked tall and wide with hardcover, linen-bound novels, volumes containing the history of design, reference books about furniture, pottery and lots of our other favorite antiques and collectibles, piles of stuff on gardening, vintage and antique children’s books, a few trashy but beloved dog-eared paperback fluff-stuff, and some beautiful treasured books about 20th Century artists (like Andy Warhol, Richard Serra, Claus Oldenburg, Roy Lichtenstein, and Joseph Cornell) that Richard designed in one of his former careers from a million years ago.

And, in those very rare instances that I’ve actually read a book—cover-to-cover, that is—I remember it forever. Some of my most loved include “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest,” “Love in the Time of Cholera,” “Grapes of Wrath,” and my all-time favorite, “In Cold Blood.” It’s not just the story telling but also the voice of the teller that I fall in love with. So when “it” happens – when I am so believably transported to a place and time and can hear the storyteller’s voice as if he or she is speaking just to me, and I become engrossed while I’m reading – then I’m hooked.

I’m convinced there are two kinds of people in the world…those that keep and hoard books for a lifetime (my partner) and those that set them free after the final page has been turned (me). Between us, we find, buy or receive books from a million different sources. Some of our books are brand new, ordered on-line and come freshly delivered by a hunky guy in a brown uniform. Our dear friend, Tommy, an avid reader, brings over piles of books about once a month when he’s done scouring their pages. And every year, for Richard’s birthday, our cousins Leslie and Michael find him the perfect big coffee table book – this year’s treasure is a comprehensive tome on his favorite artist, Joseph Cornell.

But for the most part, we’ve found some of our most prized treasures for just pennies at neighborhood stoop sales, country garage tag sales, thrift shops, or, almost always at the church book sale every Sunday just around the corner from where we live.

These used editions are usually time worn and dogged eared, torn and mended with tape. We don’t much care about the outside (talk about not judging a book by its cover) but we do care if they are musty or not.

So in the event that we’ve found a volume we’ve been meaning to read or something either of us just has to have, the one thing neither of our super allergic noses can’t handle is a book so rank that we can’t turn it’s pages without sneezing. But rather than pass that treasure by, after bringing it home, we simply place mildewed, musty or attic-stinky books into a dark plastic bag with an open box of baking soda. With no particular timeline in mind, we allow the baking soda to perform its magic by absorbing the offending odors for at least a few weeks or until the annoying smell has completely disappeared.

World Book Day was made to encourage the pleasures of reading and the delight of the written word. So give them, circulate them, (freshen them first if you find them stinky!) and allow others—especially children—to enjoy and share their riches.

Since the publication of my first book, “Clean: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” our newest chuckle is “Michael doesn’t read books…he just writes them!”

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three (now four) goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly Blog on www.thedailygreen.com. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. Take the “zen-cleansing” quiz at Latitude U. www.latitudeu.com

Please consider the environment.

Wood Flooring
Awop-bop-a-loo-mop alop-bam-boom!
- Little Richard

The honey colored glow of our ancient pumpkin pine floors is one of the features of our 180-year-old home that my partner, Richard, and I love the most. Occasionally we imagine the original owners walking through our hallways and rooms dressed in period clothing. A long ago generation of women in long skirts, bustles, and shawls, and men in high boots, suits with vests complete with fobs and pocket watches.

When built in the 1830s, the house lacked any modern conveniences (central heat, running water, indoor plumbing) so for the house’s first 75 years, the residents had to lug coal bins up three flights of rounded stairways to heat its many small rooms, and carry filled “thunder mugs” (chamber pots) down those same winding stairs to empty them into the backyard privy.

Yet despite all those early years of freezing cold winters heated only with coal stoves and sweltering summers fought with open windows and cross breezes, over a century of coal dust, dirt and grime, and nearly two centuries of wear and tear, the original wooden floor boards in our sweet abode, though worn in spots from nearly 180 years of stair climbing, still hold up, shine brightly, and have yet to show any need of replacement.

Not that the original 19th Century builders even considered such matters, wood flooring in the 21st Century, is a prized sustainable resource. If harvested to preserve the long-term health and integrity of forested ecosystems, wood is biodegradable, earth-friendly, energy-efficient to grow and cultivate, non-toxic, recyclable, and renewable. Moreover, each year, new products such as bamboo and engineered wood flooring are brought to market.

No other flooring is as easy to live with or comes close to offering the visual warmth, unmistakable beauty, and resale value of real wood. It makes rooms pretty and goes with just about any décor imaginable – mid 20th century “oom-shwaka-waka,” the frills of shabby-chic, cluttery Victoriana, or even a little of this-and-that from thrift shops and curbside finds (my favorites). Wood is the perfect backdrop for just about anything we choose to live with, and taking care of it is really a breeze with regular sweeping and/or vacuuming.

Since no two surfaces are alike, no two surfaces should be cleaned alike. Contrary to popular belief, wood floors hate water, wet mopping or any kind of excessive cleaning. My suggestion is to clean your wood floors with a solution of one-quarter cup of white vinegar (about 2 liquid ounces) mixed in a recycled spray bottle with about 30 ounces of warm water (most commercial spray bottles hold about 32 ounces). Spray a cotton rag or towel with the vinegar and water solution and use it to lightly damp mop your floors. Once soiled, replace each rag with a fresh one. This gentle method will clean your wood floors without destroying them, and ensure years of pleasure from them.

Please don’t ever, ever, ever use anything oil-based on treated wood floors (or treated wood anything for that matter!) Commercially manufactured finished flooring and those treated with polyurethane hate oil. Ya’ know why? I’ll tell you: The surface on the wood is most probably treated with a protective oil-based product making it sturdy, durable and shiny. There’s nothing more destructive to that surface, however, than oil or oil-based cleaners because oil actually dissolves oil! Using an oil-based cleanser on your oil-treated floors will only remove that beautiful finish over time, making the wood look cloudy, dull and dirty. No matter what the label on the commercial wood floor cleaner says, if it contains oil, it will eventually ruin your beautiful floors.

The same way salad dressing separates, oil and vinegar don’t mix, so cleaning with the simple vinegar solution is the best way to keep your wood floors in great shape. Whether they are cherry, maple, oak, pine, mahogany, walnut or bamboo - brand new or ancient as the hills like ours - keep your floorboards in the best condition possible by cleaning gently and treading lightly.


Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three (now four) goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly Blog on www.thedailygreen.com. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. Take the “zen-cleansing” quiz at Latitude U. www.latitudeu.com

Please consider the environment.