Memorial Day
“Don't tell me not to live, just sit and putter

Life's candy and the sun's a ball of butter

Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade.”
~Bob Merrill and Jule Styne

Memorial Day commemorates U.S. men and women who have died on distant shores, drowned in far away seas, seared on hot desert sands or have battled in desolate jungles all while performing their military service to our country. When Memorial Day began, the casualties of the American Civil War were the center of remembrance with its original name being Decoration Day - a day when many still leave flowers at cemeteries. Today Memorial Day is acknowledged in the United States as a Federal Holiday on the last Monday of May and as a time to remember those who have passed on, whether in war or otherwise.

Many people thoughtfully observe the importance of this day by participating in a national moment of remembrance, by flying the U.S. flag at half-staff from dawn until noon, by visiting burial grounds such as the Arlington National Cemetery where volunteers place an American flag on each gravesite or by visiting monuments of remembrance such as the minimal yet moving Vietnam War Memorial by sculptor and architect Maya Lin in Washington, DC.

Beyond all of the solemnity - if sunny, warm and lovely - it’s also a day committed to ball games, picnics, side-walk sales, veterans selling poppies, small town parades, barbecues, department store sales, and the formal “kick-off” of summer.

Having grown up in the small town of Lansing on the south side of Chicago, I enjoyed all of the hokey things that life there had to offer. The traditional Memorial Day parade, an extravaganza that involved Girl Scouts, Brownies, the Little League, the local high school band accompanied by a bevy of buxom ladies from the pep-squad, fezz-ed’ shriners in their little cars, the local fire and police departments, the representatives from the Knights of Columbus and of course our local veterans – almost two thirds of the town watching the other one-third march.

As a kid I marched in every Memorial Day parade with the local high-school band. (Go Rebels!) We skillfully memorized the music to “The Star Spangled Banner,” “America the Beautiful,” “A Horse With No Name,” “God Bless America” and “Bad-Bad Leroy Brown.”(It’s good to mix it up. The bystander’s stay surprised that way.) The parade would start on the north side of town and end up on the south side of town at a local park where refreshments were offered and the barbeques were warming.

You may be wondering why barbecue is sometimes spelled “barbeque” or "BBQ." (C’mon… don’t we have bigger fish to fry—or grill?) Evoking strong primal urges, barbecuing for many is a religious, zen-like experience with the combination of glowing coals and slow roasting; a ritualistic event that occurs in parks, backyards, your own personal “garden of eaten,” or anywhere one might fire up cookers. To describe barbequing from an enthusiast’s point of view, it’s about mindfully and patiently cooking, slathering and preparing food over an open flame to produce bold flavors in every tasty bite. It’s also about choosing regional and seasonal food that’s slow cooked so that the neighborhood, friends and family may enjoy, eat, nibble and slowly graze over it all.

On this National Holiday, in the event that you’re making plans to join the ranks at the outdoor-alter-of-gastronomy, here’s my recipe for what I consider the Best BBQ sauce:

· 2 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar
· ½ cup of ketchup
· 2 tablespoons of olive oil
· 1 large onion, finely chopped
· ¼ cup steak sauce
· ¼ cup of brown sugar
· ¼ cup of Worcestershire sauce
· hot sauce to taste

Begin by sautéing the onions in olive oil until tender and clear. Then just add the rest of the ingredients and simmer for about fifteen minutes on a low heat.

Then, may I suggest that you douse it on everything - get it everywhere - chops, ribs, burgers, tofu-pups, steaks, chicken, soy-burgers, mushrooms and even the corn – ours is an “equal opportunity” grill. And if you’re not covered with the stuff too, you’re clearly doing something wrong. (No paper-towels or napkins on Memorial Day. That’s what sleeves are made for!)

And when the parades and the picnics have ended and the spoils of the day lay before you, remember that all good things come to an end…even the stains. For the best removal of the Best BBQ Sauce, first eliminate the surface “schmootz” and then rinse the stained areas with cold water from the reverse side of the offender. Follow by creating a mound of baking soda covering each stain, and finish with a drizzle of white vinegar on top. Then simply launder as usual. The bubbling and sizzling reaction will force the sauce out of your fabric, and hopefully – in perfect Memorial Day style - you can salute your stains good-bye, too.

Happy Memorial Day!

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on Hearst Publishing’s first online magazine, “The Daily Green” (www.thedailygreen.com). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal’s new eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com where you can send him your questions about housecleaning problems. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com).Please consider the environment.

Liberace’s Birthday
“A piano is full of suppressed desires, recalcitrance, inhibition, conflict.”
~Anita T Sullivan

Through his live Las Vegas shows, highly popular television series, and oodles of promotional appearances, we all came to love the complicated “One-man Disneyland” known as Liberace. There he was, in all his glory, decked out in his trademark glitzy diamond-encrusted jewelry, capes trimmed in ostrich feathers, ermine and rhinestones (mountains of tough-n-tedious-to-clean finery, some literally weighing hundreds of pounds) — and sets crowded with custom-made grand pianos, live animals, one-of-a kind cars and stretch limos, high-kicking chorus girls and boys, hypnotists, jugglers, magicians, puppeteers and, of course, his ever-present twinkly candelabras.

Wladziu "Lee" Liberace was admired for the same reasons that folks dig Vegas. He took the haughtiness of high-culture, haute couture, fine art, and classical music - everything that once defined the upper echelons of society – and made them all approachable to the masses by calling into question what was considered “good taste.” With millions of dollars worth of high-priced props and his over-the-top persona, however, while on stage he was still able to vanish into what made him happiest of all–just playing the piano. Underneath it all, he was a true virtuoso.

To write this post in honor of Liberace's recent birthday (would have been May 16) I watched an hour of Liberace performances on You-Tube just to see for myself. What an original he was–his wacky stage antics clearly influenced the likes of Little Richard, Elton John, Bette Midler, Marilyn Manson and probably even KISS. But most miraculously, I saw the way he quietly disappeared into his music – off somewhere happily lost inside the rhythm and endless notes that lay scattered across the piles of sheet music in his head. How Zen…that even during his self-manufactured, stagey Las Vegas tumult, he found peace and joy in his own ability to masterfully play the piano.

What most people don’t know about “Lee,” however, is that in November 1963, the spectacle of Liberace almost ended when he was nearly killed by his own beloved costumes. It seems that night after night, while on stage, under the spotlights, as well as in his dressing room, he continuously breathed in the toxic fumes of the carbon tetrachloride used for cleaning his stage outfits. Additionally, the intense chemicals were released from the fabrics and were then absorbed into his skin, shutting down his kidneys and causing momentary renal failure. Although the prognosis was grim, he made a miraculous recovery and went on to entertain another generation of admiring fans.

I’m guessing that marabou doesn’t launder all that well. But then again, who of us wears capes trimmed in feathers, mink and rhinestones? (Publicly that is!) Most of us wear cotton and/or cotton blend clothing that can be easily washed. I personally prefer purchasing clothes that can be laundered over those that require dry cleaning. Not just because I’m a cheapskate, but because I don’t care to support the dry cleaning industry until it has a truly green standard (something they are working on). As for now, I choose to not wear clothing that must be chemically cleaned, with the potential to release those toxins into my skin (ala Liberace), as well as into the environment.

Liberace was all frills - and I am no frills! So if you’re like me and prefer to wear clothing that can be hand or machine washed, and would rather not use commercial detergents, it’s incredibly simple to make your own laundry soap. In a food processor, grind one bar of Ivory soap with two boxes of baking soda and a cup of borax (as a water softener). Pulverize the contents until the mixture is powdery and soft. Depending on the size of the load and how dirty the contents are, use one-quarter to one-half cup per load of laundry. Run your washer using the appropriate settings for the size and type of cycle required for the contents. Your clothes will be clean and the water used will not harm the environment.

Though the world almost lost a truly original entertainer because of toxic cleaning agents, over the years, with his bravado and charisma, Liberace amassed an astonishing assortment of esteemed honors. He was named Instrumentalist of the Year, Best Dressed Entertainer (says who?), and Entertainer of the Year. He also won two Emmy Awards, six gold albums, and was honored with not one but two stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Best of all - despite his “dirty laundry” - he was known and loved throughout the world as the well-deserved “Mr. Showmanship.”

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on Hearst Publishing’s first online magazine, “The Daily Green” (www.thedailygreen.com). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal’s new eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com where you can send him your questions about housecleaning problems. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com).
Please consider the environment.

Mother’s Day
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up
is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
~Phyllis Diller

“Don’t blow your nose. Just use your sleeve.”
“Is that shirt dirty? Ehhh…whatever.”
“Yeah, I ditched school too.”
“Sure…lets keep the dog.”
“Curfew –Schmurfew.”

…not exactly what you’d expect mothers to say. But if they did - the world wouldn’t be nearly the same place.

In the United States Mom’s Day falls on the second Sunday in May. The social activist, Julia Ward Howe toyed with the concept after the end of the Civil War but then; unfortunately, she failed to get it officially recognized as a holiday. Ann Jarvis, a young Appalachian homemaker, then again picked up the idea. And through her and her daughter Anna’s efforts we now have an official national holiday dedicated to the women who have given birth and/or have raised children.

Mother's Day, one of the most commercially successful U.S. holidays, is when female parents across the country get acknowledged for their contributions during the often thankless task of raising children.

Mothers are universal. There’s no denying it…we all had one. My mom, for instance, was wacky - sure - but she was a swell parent and probably no different from many others. Though it took me a lifetime to learn, she did the best she could with the resources and information she had. And despite her challenges and limited energy, her three children all turned out to be solid citizens. (A few college degrees here and there and no drug convictions or jail time served.)

And although my mom has been gone for almost twenty years I’ll never forget how she made our clothes, baked our bread, preserved our jams and jellies, cleaned like a twister out of control, helped us with our homework, read to us quietly each night before we went to bed, and ultimately, how she prepared us for the world. She made holiday treats and Halloween costumes, dressed us for proms, encouraged us to practice our music lessons, painted rooms single-handedly in an afternoon, and even occasionally mowed the lawn.

In response to their knitting sweaters (the ones my mom completed were “interesting” to say the least), preparing special meals (no matter how you slice it, a boiled cow’s heart on Valentines day is just plain sick), words of encouragement (“Honey, I know you just flattened a mailbox during you’re driving test…maybe next time.”), religious training ("You better pray that comes out of the carpet."), wisdom and guidance (“Maybe a pet alligator wasn’t such a good idea.”) and unconditional love and forgiveness (on Christmas Day, 1970, at the age of eight, I almost burned down the garage…sorry mom!) and quite simply doing, doing, doing and going, going, going—to all mothers everywhere, on this special day, we stop, take notice, pay honor, take her out for brunch and scramble for a bauble or trinket to show her how we feel.

So instead of giving a traditional gift like a box of drugstore chocolates or a Forget-Me-Not-Bouquet (Forget-Me-Not? How could she ever forget giving birth to you? The woman still has stretch marks on her backside with your name on them!), how about giving her a Forget-About-Cleaning-The-House-Bouquet. I suggest you make an arrangement of coupons committing yourself to a year of household duties. It might say something like “For your nine months of carrying me, I promise to carry out the trash for the next year.” Or how about “For your thirty-six hours of mind-numbing labor, I promise to clean the bathroom for any thirty-six hours of your choosing (non-consecutive hours of course, unless your mother was Joan Crawford).” Or what about, “For supporting and feeding me for 18 years, I promise to take you out or cook you dinner 18 times over the next year (just no cow hearts, OK!!??)”

Now that’s gratitude!

On Mother’s Day, whether she’s right there at home, hundreds of miles away, running for President or long gone and just a faint memory - for good or for bad, for better or for worse – take a moment and thoughtfully acknowledge her. Remember, she’s the one who gave you your first breath and lovingly looked into your eyes for the very first time. To the world you might just be one person, but to her - you are the world.

(Happy Mother’s Day, Mom...)

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on Hearst Publishing’s first online magazine, “The Daily Green” (www.thedailygreen.com). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal’s new eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com where you can send him your questions about housecleaning problems. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com).Please consider the environment.

May: Vinegar Month
“It is better to be preserved in vinegar than to rot in honey.”
~ E. Cobham Brewer

Although the fine folks in Roslyn, South Dakota hold an International Vinegar Festival in June, May is actually National Vinegar Month. However, if you do make it to Roslyn in time, you’ll see a mighty fine small-town parade consisting of the Roslyn marching band, children dressed as pickles, the Roslyn Firefighters (in my opinion - the best part), the guy who mows all of the municipal lawns (okay, he’s pretty swell too), horse drawn carriages, tractors, tractors and yet even more tractors and the Day County Veterans being pulled by – yes - a John Deere tractor. The festivities also include the crowning of the Royal Vinegar Court (a sour looking lot,) cooking demonstrations and food at the nation’s only Vinegar Museum.

Vinegar, from the French translation meaning “sour wine,” can be produced from all kinds fruits, berries, melons, coconut, honey, beer, maple syrup, potatoes, beets, malt, grains and whey. But the fundamental process remains unchanged no matter what the initial ingredients may be–first a fermentation of sugar to alcohol, and then a second go-round to vinegar. Viola! Acetic acid (aka vinegar) is born.

Whether rice, red wine, distilled white, aged balsamic or apple cider, the overwhelming essence of vinegar, to most of us, is always the same—sharp, tart and biting. But compared one to another, the subtle and not-so-subtle flavors are very different and are as varied as fine and not-so-fine wines are.

Vinegar has been around for millennia, and every faith, it seems, parables references to it, whether it be Confucianism, Buddhism, Taoism or Christianity. When and how their deity or followers responded to the tangy flavor of vinegar was then metaphorically used as a symbolic view of life and its situations.

The ancients stumbled upon the versatility of vinegar probably 10,000 years ago. The Babylonians used it as medicine, and also mixed it with herbs to flavor their meals. The Romans drank it as a beverage. Cleopatra dissolved pearls in it to prove she could devour a fortune in a single meal. (Ladies, please do not try this at home!) Biblical references show how it was used for its soothing and healing properties and yet as recent as World War I, vinegar was still being used to treat wounds in the battlefields.

Susan B. Anthony, referred to as the “vinegar” of the Female Suffrage movement was aggressive, ebullient, frisky, spunky, a fighter, and a no-nonsense kinda woman, who displayed all the classic traits of being full of “piss and vinegar.” The earliest citation of that term, however, is from 1938 in John Steinbeck's, The Grapes of Wrath.

Vinegar? Why am I writing about vinegar? Well…not because it’s new-fangled, or is in any way ultra-modern. And it can’t be confused for something that’s state-of-the-art, or attempts to be up-to-the-minute or high-tech. But what it is, is a highly affordable and super-safe eco-cleaning staple we should all get familiar with. Distilled white vinegar easily neutralizes alkaline soaps, effortlessly breaks down stubborn urine odors, quickly polishes patent leather, instantly removes static cling from clothing, flawlessly cleans mirrors and glass, simply deodorizes the air, effortlessly polishes chrome, carefully removes soap scum and hard water spots, dependably cleans your automatic drip coffee maker and, in a pinch, even lifts accidentally spilled white glue. This 10,000 year-old elixir is a modern-day cleaning miracle!

It’s said, “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” So be a sweetie and just simply clean with the sour stuff. Store it in a sealed container full strength, dilute it 50/50 with water in a recycled spray bottle for everyday use, or mix 1 tablespoon in 1 quart of water in another recycled sprayer for a great window cleaner. There is never a need for refrigeration. Vinegar’s shelf life is eternal.

Don’t find yourself in a pickle by letting Vinegar Month pass you by. There are 1,001 uses for it other than dressing a salad—so why not invent the 1,002nd eco-friendly way to celebrate vinegar for yourself.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on Hearst Publishing’s first online magazine, “The Daily Green” (www.thedailygreen.com). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal’s new eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com where you can send him your questions about housecleaning problems. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com).

Please consider the environment.