Christmas ‘09
“It's a dog-eat-dog world, and I'm wearing Milk Bone shorts.”
~Kelly Allen
The hustle and bustle of collecting Holiday gifts to give with the hopes of receiving others to then re-gift (a great recycling system), the drudgery of finding perfect Christmas cards (and why do we need to pay more for cards made of recycled materials?), making the time to scribble some holiday thoughtful mush-mosh nonsense into them not to mention addressing the cards and getting them to the post office in time to get them into expectant hands. Whewww!
Let’s face it - there’s nothing Zen about Christmas. If it were, Christmas might be as Zen as a common household refrigerator. (Ya know? Is the light always on or is it just me? Similar to asking "Am I conscious now?” or “Is my own inner mental light on or not?”)
“It's a dog-eat-dog world, and I'm wearing Milk Bone shorts.”
~Kelly Allen
The hustle and bustle of collecting Holiday gifts to give with the hopes of receiving others to then re-gift (a great recycling system), the drudgery of finding perfect Christmas cards (and why do we need to pay more for cards made of recycled materials?), making the time to scribble some holiday thoughtful mush-mosh nonsense into them not to mention addressing the cards and getting them to the post office in time to get them into expectant hands. Whewww!
Let’s face it - there’s nothing Zen about Christmas. If it were, Christmas might be as Zen as a common household refrigerator. (Ya know? Is the light always on or is it just me? Similar to asking "Am I conscious now?” or “Is my own inner mental light on or not?”)
When it comes to refrigerators, for the record, men eat far more fruits and vegetables if they're stored on the same refrigerator shelf as the beer…at Christmas time or otherwise. Similarly, storing fruits and vegetables at eye-level reminds just about every family member to mindfully eat them. But for some reason the crisper drawers are at the base of the fridge and we somehow always forget about the stuff we’ve stashed there. And cleaning out the crisper drawer is always a sad reminder of how good food turns into puddles of goo beneath other goodies—and unless you compost, that goo ain’t green!
Our new dog, a rescued 18 month-old Cairn Terrier called Emerson (named after the author Ralph Waldo Emerson or the 80s band Emerson, Lake & Palmer – your choice) is always sitting at the base of our opened refrigerator right in front of the crisper drawer. I’m convinced that the philosopher Plato was right. He once joked, “Your dog is a true philosopher.” That being said, Emerson’s either contemplating his own mental light, perhaps pondering the true meaning of Christmas, wondering how he might joyfully clean the slimy mess that’s growing in our over-crowed crisper drawers or – most probably – coveting the entire mess. And because its Emerson’s first Christmas with my partner Richard and me, to him I dedicate this ditty –
“Oh Crisper Drawer”
(Sung to the tune of “Oh Christmas Tree”)
O Crisper Drawer, O Crisper Drawer,
Your contents seem delightful.
O Crisper Drawer, O Crisper Drawer,
I’m just a dog; not spiteful.
The meats and cheeses make me sad.
I don’t have fingers only pads.
But when the fridge is firmly closed,
Without some help it’s only nosed.
O Crisper Drawer, O Crisper Drawer,
The compact bulb shines brightly.
O Crisper Drawer, O Crisper Drawer,
The salsa lid’s on tightly.
I could be cheerful, gay and bright,
There's only splendor in the sight,
Of t-bone steaks upon the floor.
For Christmas dogs think more is more.
O Crisper Drawer, O Crisper Drawer,
Much pleasure you can give me.
O Crisper Drawer, O Crisper Drawer,
My endless barking is my plea.
The hidden pleasures that wait for dogs,
Olives, pickles and eggnogs.
Afforded me my greatest glee,
Replace my food with softened Brie.
O Crisper Drawer, O Crisper Drawer,
How richly God has filled you.
O Crisper Drawer, O Crisper Drawer,
I have this aching bugaboo.
It’s DNA that draws me there,
And fuels my sickened food affair.
I might be healed before next year.
But this Noel feed me brat’s and beer.
So if your refrigerator is a disaster this holiday season (all those leftovers that get left-over a day too long!), remember that baking soda works great to keep it smelling fresh. Just tear the top off a fresh box and let it do its thing. After a month, if you can find it among everything else you forgot was in there, replace the old baking soda with a fresh one and use the old box in a cleaning project so that nothing goes to waste (e.g. just pour it down the kitchen drain to freshen the pipes or add some white vinegar to unclog them).
And to remove that inevitable puddle of holiday goo, your crisper drawer will shine like new when cleaned with borax. Apply to a soft cloth or a dampened sponge and use as you would any commercial kitchen cleanser. Once tidy, rinse with clean water.
So whether your inner mental light is on or not, this holiday season think like a dog and get rid of that mess.
P.S. While I don’t encourage rash pet-purchasing for the holidays, many highly encourage and applaud all of the (mostly) volunteer rescue networks that each canine breed seems to have developed. These tireless rescuers, vets, foster-parents, nursemaids, interviewers, etc., that have devoted a great deal of their lives to saving abused and abandoned dogs. Cairn’s being our favorite breed (ala Toto), we hope you’ll visit Col. Potter’s Cairn Rescue Network (http://www.cairnrescue.com/) and even if you don’t adopt, you can at least ooh and ahh at all the cuteness.
Merry Christmas!!
