Thanksgiving
(Only male turkeys gobble.)

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a thankful person and feel tremendously blessed with what the Universe has provided and for what I’ve worked to attain—wonderful and loving siblings, extended family, great friends, excellent health and work that I love. (I even have all of my own real teeth.)

But for some reason, I’m just not crazy about Thanksgiving or anything that goes with it—the parade here in New York, football games on TV, or even the turkey for that matter. So my partner and I high-tail it out of town to the Yucatan Peninsula in Mexico to lay low while we gear up for the next holiday season. Truth be told we get a thrill out of knowing that everyone back home is working up a sweat by making every attempt to be thankful while over-eating mountains of food that took days to prepare…cornbread stuffing, smashed-spuds (my twin-sister’s seasonal favorite), sweet-taters, gallons of gravy, cranberry sauce, corn on the cob, that nasty mandatory green bean and onion-thingy, a Jell-O ring that nobody touches (what’s floating in there anyway?), pies, pies and yet more pies, and that big spooky turkey carcass lurking in the kitchen.

A resplendent feast of gargantuan proportions might have worked for the early settlers of Plymouth… perhaps that’s why they did it in the first place. The small colony of Pilgrims had set sail on a ship called the Mayflower, seeking freedom from religious persecution by the British. They loaded a cargo of provisions into the belly of a primitive vessel and set off to start fresh in a new land. To be sure, their trans-Atlantic voyage was riddled with illness, starvation, icky weather, and infinitely fewer amenities than the QE II. In 1621, the Pilgrims’ first bash was in celebration of the beautiful changing colors of the season, their gratitude for the bounty they had harvested, a gratefulness for having survived in the unforgiving nature of the North East and an indebtedness to the Native Americans who helped them survive. No doubt, I’m guessing they also said an extra special prayer that the chill in the air they felt was not a harbinger of a killing frost to come.

With a presentation of precious chow, paired with entertainment and worship, the Pilgrims gave thanks to and with the local Native tribesmen. Thus was born an American Tradition.

Traditions and memory can play a wonderful and magical role in how families celebrate holidays, Thanksgiving notwithstanding. My earliest recollection is my gene-pool sitting around a stretch of card-tables and my grandfather saying the Lord’s Prayer in Dutch. Being narcoleptic, he never quite made it all the way through without falling asleep and I remember adult stares at our weak attempts to hide our laughter while he snored. One year my grandmother lost a band-aid in the turkey dressing only to be later found by my dad— politely chewing, chewing and chewing!

Good guess the earliest shin-dig wasn’t as fancy as our current versions. Today many folks reserve the “good stuff” for company at holiday time. That’s when we bring out the heirloom silver, the Royal Doulton with the hand-painted periwinkles, and the linens that great aunt So-and-So embroidered while incarcerated. If your family is anything like mine (at least when it comes to the traditions of bringing out all the things that will eventually get passed down to the next generation), then you know how much work preparing all this rarely used junk can be: polishing tarnished silverware; unwrapping, cleaning, rinsing and drying the “heirloom” set of dishes; soaking the crystal glassware; laundering and ironing those stupid fussy linens, etc.

And like most hosts, you’ll pull out all the finery and do what you need to do to make it all ship-shape and shiny. Even if your offspring, parents and siblings don’t appreciate all the effort, at least your “adoptive family” of friends will be impressed. So recruit the kids to help, praying that they don’t break or chip anything, and do whatever else is needed to prepare the table while trying to also prepare that blasted bird.

In my honest opinion, the only thing worse than a dry turkey is a dry turkey presented on a tarnished platter. However, if your culinary skills could use improvement you’ll need to get good advice elsewhere. From me, you’ll get recommendations on how make the rest all clean and pretty, so if the bird is burnt, at least it’ll get carried out of the kitchen on a sparkly and shiny tray. To make this happen you’ll need a box of baking soda and some foil. (This is truly amazing!)

Line your kitchen sink or a wash bucket with aluminum foil. (The heavy-duty stuff works best.) Load up the silver you intended to hand polish, making certain that each item touches the foil liner. Cover the entire contents with boiling water and simply add a cup of baking soda. Even if all you have is that box that’s been sitting in the back of the fridge for the past five years, the tarnish will jump from the silver to the foil in almost no time at all! For heavy tarnishing that may still remain, simply make a paste of water and baking soda and gently polish the remaining surfaces ‘til they shine. It’s a completely safe chemical reaction that won’t damage your precious silver heirlooms the way harsh commercial polishes might.

To perk up and clean those hand-painted periwinkle plates, crystal glassware and just about anything else you intend to place on your table, borax is delicate enough for it all including dirty pots, pans and bake ware left when the guests are gone. Just add one-half cup of borax to a sink full of hot water. Wash well and rinse with clear water.

Now for that paroled Aunt’s embroidered handiwork…it has to be used because she’s been invited! (Yikes!) Freshly laundered and ironed, once on the table its biggest offender is red wine. Now of course you could choose to only serve white wine, but let’s say you serve red as well and your oldest uncle has had a few too many and…woops…spills his red wine on his sister’s penitentiary petit-point. Not to worry. All you need to do is pour as much table salt as you can to completely cover the stain. Salt is cheap, so if it’s a big stain, just get out the box and pour away until it’s lost under a pile of the white stuff. Allow it to sit till the wine has been absorbed and then soak the fabric for about a half an hour in cold water. Wash as usual.

While I’ve always said, and still believe, “No meal is complete until a garment is soiled,” there are 364 other evenings for that to happen—it doesn’t need to always be on Thanksgiving! So next year…take my advice…make a call, wish everyone well, and understand that giving thanks can happen in a million wonderful ways besides sweating over a hot stove, or driving over hill and dale and back (if you’re the guest and not the host), and only reliving your family dysfunction while making every brave attempt at recreating that famous Norman Rockwell painting.

So while you’re toiling, my boyfriend and I will be basking on white sand beaches and swimming in the beautiful aqua waters of the Caribbean.
(C’mon now…which would you prefer?)

* * *
Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of whom benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on www.dailygreen.com. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com.

Veterans Day

On the 315th day in the year 1918…on the eleventh hour of the eleventh day in the eleventh month…the planet stood in quiet resolution and breathed a great big collective sigh of relief. After four years of WWI a peace agreement, or Armistice, was signed. What, at the time, was considered the “war to end all wars" was finally over. The celebrations ensued and Armistice Day was begun.

While Armistice Day was continually acknowledged, even though several subsequent wars were fought, in 1971 President Richard M. Nixon declared the re-named “Veterans Day” a federal holiday to be celebrated on the second Monday in November.

In remembrance of all those lost in our current wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, the Vietnam War, WWII, or any other combat, let’s all take a calming, mindful moment and turn our attention to peace…ya’ know, as they say, “thoughts become things.”

Peace and mindfulness are really one and the same thing. In essence our mind, our body and our environment are one. By opening our awareness to our actions to benefit the good of every other thing, we meet ourselves in whatever task we undertake. Whatever we see, whatever we hear, whatever we smell, taste or touch, we end up experiencing as our true selves.

By being thoughtful of our actions and intentions while we do even the smallest of tasks, like carefully and safely cleaning our homes, we meet ourselves in the simple mindful act of purifying our personal environment and by extension, our planet. Our home, the stuff we choose to do or not do, and our inner thoughts are one, and they tell the world who we are. Great spiritual masters have claimed such things as “you will find me in the breakfast dishes” because how we choose to approach even the mundane, can make a difference in our lives and the lives of those we love.

What better way to honor the brave women and men who gave their lives in service to our country, than by taking even the briefest moment on Veterans Day, and imagining peace.

In the powerful words of the Venerable Vietnamese Zen Buddhist Master, Thich Nhat Hanh: I vow to cultivate compassion and learn ways to protect lives of people, animals, plants, and minerals. I am determined not to kill, not to let others kill, and not to condone any killing in the world, in my thinking, and in my way of life.


* * *
Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (http://www.zencleansing.com/) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of whom benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on www.dailygreen.com. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at http://www.barnesandnoble.com/ or http://www.amazon.com/.

"An extra yawn one morning in the springtime, an extra snooze one night in the autumn is all that we ask in return for dazzling gifts. We borrow an hour one night in April; we pay it back with golden interest five months later." -Winston Churchill

Daylight saving.
Spring ahead…fall back.

Among his other brilliant achievements, from the same person who wrote “Fart Proudly,” founding father Benjamin Franklin first conceived of daylight savings in 1784. (Bet they didn’t teach you that historical tidbit in grade school, now did they!). It wasn’t until WWI, however, that it was carved in stone.

I don’t know about you, but even losing just that one-hour of sleep and I get cranky. I usually get over my sleep-deprived crabbiness by the next day, and like most folks, I merely go back to finding other reasons to either be joyous or surly.

But the practical aspects of just one hour vanishing here and yet another hour materializing there have an enormous impact. What started as a lucky break for farmers who worked the land by enabling them to have a hearty, early breakfast and then be off to tend their fields in the newly granted hour of daylight instead of in the prior day’s total darkness, is actually a benefit for all of us—crankiness aside. And conversely, when the clocks get “sprung ahead,” it also makes heaps of sense to not have children standing in the darkened night air waiting for their school bus to take them home.

But the other added benefit that really hadn’t been considered at its inception is that plain and simple…Daylight Savings saves energy! Twenty-five percent of the electricity we use goes towards operating the modern conveniences and high tech equipment we own and the incandescent and fluorescent lighting we need to see what we’re doing. So by the mere fact of twice-yearly adjusting the time up or down an hour, we actually minimize the tons of electricity we gobble up daily in our “cribs” and at our jobs.

The electricity needed when the sun goes down early or rises late, is directly related to our individual consumption. In a perfect world, when we’re cutting zzz’s or catching 40 winks…most of us would shut off all unused energy zappers. But not every individual or family has the same energy needs, or, for that matter, the same comfort level with limiting its usage. For instance, just because I usually wander off to bed at 10:00, my partner stays up “burning the midnight oil” till 1:00. And, much to the chagrin of many a houseguest, we happen to prefer a darker and “spookier” house, with very low, or shall we say, “ambient” lighting, while so many other folks prefer homes that are lit up like pin-ball machines once it gets dark out. And although the personal bits of electricity and other energy we all end up using or not using in our own homes might seem miniscule, added up…it’s collectively gi-nourmous. So an added benefit of Daylight Savings is a net result of conserved energy.

With Daylight Savings, in general, in the spring and summer, with the sun staying up in the sky later and later, lights stay off longer because we hang out outside longer, and we tend to cook less which keeps the heat in our homes down. On the flipside…in the fall and winter, we find our way out from our cozy slumber each morning because Daylight Savings gives us the strength and support of additional sunlight to shake us out of the sack. (freshly brewed coffee, your partner’s elbow, and a dog eagerly waiting at the door to go out to pee kind of helps, too.)

So how can we make the best of these semi-annual, nationwide time warps? Since Daylight Savings began because natural winter light is a rare commodity as the days grow shorter, before it gets too cold, clean your windows and let all that yummy amber fall light fill your home. Wipe away all the summer grime with a simple solution of one teaspoon of white vinegar added to a re-cycled spray bottle filled with warm water. Starting at the top of the window, just spritz the vinegary solution on and wipe it down with re-cycled newspaper. You’ll be amazed at how squeaky-clean your windows will be. And this entire new bottle of glass cleaner only cost you about $.02. (Remember, the price of store-bought commercial cleansers takes into account the costs of advertising, packaging, shipping, supermarket real estate, etc.—while a simple bottle of generic white vinegar costs under $1.00 and can last well over a year.)

And to maximize all that free warming energy from the winter light now able to penetrate your sparkling clean windows, keep your shades and blinds open during the day to allow Mother Nature to help heat your home. Conversely, during the balmy months of spring and summer, keep your shades and blinds closed while the sun is out—just little actions like these, that cost us nothing, can help keep non-renewable energy costs down.

Oh yes, and those two times a year when you change your clocks, change your smoke detector batteries, too…couldn’t hurt—and it’s the only way I ever remember to do it. And while you’re already precariously standing on the top rung of your kitchen step-ladder (no, really--please don’t ever stand on the top step!) with your arms way over your head, you might want to also consider swapping out those power-guzzling incandescent light bulbs in those overhead light fixtures, too. Yah…I know that you’ve been meaning to swap those 1970s decorator eyesore fixtures for something from this century, but lets take baby steps and start by just installing energy efficient fluorescent bulbs, OK?

Happy Daylight Savings…and let that sun shine in!


* * *
Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (http://www.zencleansing.com/) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of whom benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on www.dailygreen.com. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at http://www.barnesandnoble.com/ or http://www.amazon.com/.

Halloween
Three
Nightmare Stains
(And a Trio of Heavenly Solutions)
by Michael DeJong

R ed Wine?
The countess spilled her aged cabernet while fainting…
No need to screech in horror every time someone douses, drips or splatters the vin-o. Red wine is easily removed from fabrics by pouring enough salt over the area to soak up the offense. Follow by soaking the linens in cold water and then wash as usual.
B lood?
“Cook” seems to have slipped with the carving knife…
So if it’s just a bit of the au-jus or a perhaps a bit of your own, certainly take care of yourself first. Once bandaged and ready, begin removing the bloodstains from color-safe fabrics by rinsing them with cold water and then liberally sprinkling the area with baking soda. Rub the fabric into itself and run under the cool water till the spot has vanished.
I nk?
Grand-ma-ma stopped breathing while writing out her will…
If it’s just a blot from a fountain pen, remove that pesky ink on cloth by placing lemon juice directly into the spot. Allow it to sit overnight before laundering. Repeat if necessary before dieing…oops, I meant drying.

* * *
Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (http://www.zencleansing.com/) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of whom benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on www.dailygreen.com. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at http://www.barnesandnoble.com/ or http://www.amazon.com/.