Thursday, January 29, 2009

Inspire Your Heart with Art
“After enlightenment, the laundry.”
~Zen Proverb


While climbing the metaphorical slippery cliffs between canyons of paintings of cherubs and canvasses smeared with what almost resembles a newborn’s fecal matter, most of us plummet into art-idiocy without a net. What the “slurping-Champagne-noses-in-the-air” types shower with praise and what the “common-Joe” thinks stinks are often one and the same. Art, much like everything else, is a completely personal experience. Clued-in or not – forming your own opinion is what art appreciation is all about.

Artists stimulate our senses with line, shape, form, space, texture and color. And throughout the ages humans have tinkered with these same basic elements with an almost primal urge to create something where there once was nothing. But to understand it all a bit more clearly, with a little guidance, anyone can muster enough know-how certain to make even Andy Warhol do flip-flops in his grave. I hope that my super-abbreviated history of art, below, might be of help:

Although they’re priceless, antiquities often seem like objects dug out of your neighbor’s marigold patch, and even though they’re in prized museum collections, they kinda’ look like they’ve been glued together in someone’s basement.

On the other hand, the Greeks and Romans made idealized sculptures of naked, mostly-male bodies that now unfortunately have missing parts…noses, ears, arms and other “protrusions.” (Ummm? A fig leaf anyone?)

Although not as old as the Roman Empire, 800-year-old medieval artwork often seems cruder than the shattered bits of this-and-that found in the antiquities gallery. But, being the art connoisseur that you’re now becoming, you, too, can now “Oooh-and-Ahhh” because you can see beyond their shortcomings and seemingly primitive and highly stylized intricacies, instead.

Next stop – the early Renaissance. This is where you’ll expect to see a lot of spooky, two-dimensional, religious-like figures stiffly gesturing and wearing glittery, gold leafed halos and flowing robes, usually posed in some unnatural way, supposedly jabbering on about one moral tale or another.

Often less religious and infinitely more “sugary sweet,” Baroque and Rococo art introduces us to the “more-is-more” school of thought, in which slickly painted voluptuous ladies, cherubs zooming around the clouded heavens, heaps of flowers, the occasional goose or peacock, lutes, mountains of expensive looking fabrics and tassels, tassels, tassels fill the canvases.

Step into the Impressionistic and Post-Impressionistic galleries and the subject matter all of a sudden comes back down to earth by offering textural paintings of real-life, everyday junk and ordinary people in commonplace settings and situations. These were scandalous in their day, but now seem super-tame to our jaded eyes.

Like I’ve tried to explain, art is for everyone – but not everyone will like everything, and that’s OK. What I like best is artwork that shows everyday, ordinary folks doing regular things. And, being the cleaning nut that I am, I always get the biggest rise outta’ seeing great works of art that depict people doing chores. The famous Impressionist paintings of Degas, the Post-Impressionist images of Toulouse-Lautrec, the modern paintings of Pablo Picasso, and even the artwork of the prominent American Pop artist, Roy Lichtenstein, all made paintings of folks doing, of all things, their laundry. How mundane, yet how heavenly (for me, at least!).

When artists have creative blocks they doodle, excercise, listen to music, read, take a drive, go for a walk, write, study works of the old masters or procrastinate by doing boring things like the laundry. But when your washing machine has a block – creative or not – it’s a whole lot easier to resolve. To unclog soap scum formations from the inside of your washing machine, pour a whole gallon of white vinegar into the washer tub and run it full cycle. The white vinegar magically melts the built-up gunk away.

The motivation to create can come from anywhere. Throughout history works of art have inspired confidence, innovation, passion, science, wellness, and sometimes – lucky for us - even more great art. But in my case, silly as it seems, those paintings of folks doing chores have motivated me to do mountains of laundry. Now that’s inspiration!

Michael De Jong, is the author of “Clean: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” and “Clean Body: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing Yourself” (
www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). His books can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com.

Please consider the environment.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

In With the New

If our last president - George Bush - had said in his farewell speech, "Will all great Neptune's ocean wash this blood clean from my hand?” we might have thought he was actually having a moment of clarity and remorse. But unfortunately, these words are Shakespeare’s from Macbeth, and not W’s.

First or last, it seems most Presidents since the founding of our country have come in various shapes and sizes, ages, disciplines and principles. But what many of them seem to have in common is their unwavering obsession with cleanliness…literally or figuratively.

For instance, George Washington had a thing about clean fingernails while Ulysses S. Grant apparently had squeaky-clean skin. Before his election, Abraham Lincoln was clean-shaven, and John Fitzgerald Kennedy always kept a clean desk.

Grover Cleveland cooperated with Theodore Roosevelt to clean up state politics, Herbert Hoover committed himself to pollution-free streams and clean beaches, Gerald Ford dedicated himself to cleaning up pollution, and Bill Clinton blocked Republican attempts to roll back the Clean Water and Air Acts.

On the other side of the coin - Richard Nixon stepped down to allow someone else to clean up his mess. Ronald Reagan made certain that the pools of the rich were kept clean, and George Bush received a clean bill of health while tens of millions of Americans went without healthcare.

And while facing similar problems President Obama will have to address, it was Franklin Delano Roosevelt who said at his own inauguration “We face the arduous days that lie before us in the warm courage of the national unity…with the clean satisfaction that comes from the stern performance of duty by old and young alike.”

With his dream team of young and old scientists, policy experts, and economists set to toil under the gloom and doom of rising unemployment, home foreclosures, global turmoil, the destruction of our civil liberties, world hunger and starvation, genocide, and an ever-looming climate crisis, the historic inauguration of Barack Obama falls in the worst economic climate in three generations.

It was Shakespeare who also wrote in Macbeth about potions offered up to extraordinary and substantial effect. Hopefully our new president can perform his own brand of magic by allaying our fears, restoring our national dignity, reversing the economic crisis, creating green jobs, declaring peace, and cleaning up the eight-year-old Bush-Cheney stain on the fabric of our country.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “Clean: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” and “Clean Body: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing Yourself” (
www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). His books can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com.

Please consider the environment.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Happy Birthday,
Rush Limbaugh & Howard Stern

“Don't be afraid of opposition.
Remember, a kite rises against, not with the wind.”

~ Hamilton Wright Mabie


Cleaver or stupid, dirty or clean, good or bad, right or wrong, right or left, safe or dangerous, simple or complicated – Rush Limbaugh and Howard Stern, literally and metaphorically face away from one another, and move through the world in opposite directions. If perchance they were to meet, they’d be like oil and water.

Rush Limbaugh - the stereotypical conservative talk show host, is sharply critical of feminism, marriage equality, environmentalism and climate science, drug abuse (except, hypocritically, his own), and is chronically inaccurate and distorting on so many issues, and equally unaccountable to anyone but his advertisers. Limbaugh was born on January 12th and is a radical Right American radio jockey, as well as an ultra-conservative political talking head.

On the other end of the spectrum lies Howard Stern – who’s openly tempted by strippers and female porn stars, fantasizes about sex with lesbians (while he’s likely reviled by most of them), and is often the target of stalkers and death threats. The cranky, scatological, sexualized, “sophomoronic,” and self-proclaimed "King of All Media," is a true Libertarian, an on-again-off-again eco-crusader and, just like Limbaugh, also an American radio host and television personality. (Hmmm? He’s was also born January 12th. Any astrologists out there wanna help explain this phenomenon?)

It’s amazing that these two men were born on the same day and followed similar career paths. They both ended up doing the same jobs, but each doing it so completely differently, each an absolute original, and both developing committed cult followings. Upon closer inspection, you’ll notice that one is a wacky, out-of-control, bombastic and self-promoting, insecure yet opinionated larger-than-life overachiever. And the other one – um, well - he’s also a wacky, out-of-control, bombastic and self-promoting, insecure yet opinionated larger-than-life overachiever. They’re polar opposites. But the contradiction is in their similarities – an almost parasitic/host scenario – two sides to a bad penny. Together you’ve got something like gale force winds feeding an out of control brush fire – one bad thing making yet another bad thing even worse.

And what a wonderful metaphor for contradiction - oil and water – the two most precious resources on earth. (No…I’m no longer referring to Rush Limbaugh and Howard Stern.)

There’s no substitute for water. In fact, the United Nations considers access to clean drinkable water as a fundamental human right. Only three percent of the water on earth is potable freshwater; the rest is saltwater, and only 20 percent of the world’s population has running water, while more than one billion people have absolutely no access to clean water. Think about that the next time you leave the tap running while you brush your teeth!

But oil? (In my opinion - the guys are kinda’ oily, too, but hey, we’re now into the “serious” part of the blog!). There’s precious little fossil fuel oil on the planet, and we’re going through it like there is no tomorrow. But, there are mountains of environmentally friendly, clean and renewable alternatives such as wind, solar, hydro and biofuels. Think about that the next time you brush your teeth, too—hey, you gotta think of something, so why not something eco-conscientious?

Dirty or clean, good or bad, right or wrong, safe or dangerous, simple or complicated – it’s all about the choices we make. And that includes listening to either Rush Limbaugh or Howard Stern, too.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “Clean: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” and “Clean Body: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing Yourself” (
www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). His books can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com.

Please consider the environment.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Fruitcake Toss Day
“It's not the thing you fling, it's the fling itself.”
~ Chris Stevens (“Northern Exposure”)


Call me a fuddy-duddy but I actually crave this mysterious and marbled, everlasting, unyielding, imperishable, rock-hard Christmas delicacy before and after the holidays. (Minus the marbled and rock hard part – I think I may have just described myself. Hmmm?) I really do eat them and have found that the cheaper the fruitcake, the better the taste. (But so much for my low-end gastronomy.)

My burning question is “Does anybody really have a clue what’s actually hiding in a packaged holiday fruitcake?” It usually weighs more than a doorstop (I’m just guessing here) and if wrapped in contact paper, it might perhaps last indefinitely.

Nelly men like myself aside (yes, I take pride in being a Fruitcake!) – fruitcakes of the baked variety have a longstanding tradition. Consider its origins found in references from Roman times. Recipes that included barley mash, honey, pine nuts, pomegranate seeds, raisins and spices slapped and stuck together for traveling crusaders and hunters on the go – the Clif Bar, if you will, of antiquity. Historically, they were made with the intent to be eaten an entire year later. In fact, in an attempt to display ladylike restraint, moderation and fine taste - The Queen Mum (while showing no such restraint when it came to her gin) waited an entire year to eat hers too.

Most modern fruitcakes are mass-manufactured to accommodate Yule-time mass-consumption, and are actually comprised “mostly” of good stuff, and are scrumptious to some, yet vile to others. Store-bought varieties are ready-to-serve but – unfortunately – because they’ve not had time to fully congeal, leave behind telltale moist-n-murky stains.

While dried fruits and nuts, mounds of sugar, flour and booze painfully glued together resulting in a cake more impenetrable than kryptonite may be yummy to someone like myself – others might prefer consuming potting soil. Created just for folks who’d rather eat dirt, I proudly present “Fruitcake Toss Day.”

To celebrate the festivities of Fruitcake Toss Day, your first challenge is to not open the package – to most, this is a given, not a challenge! (And don’t leave it unwrapped just for re-gifting purposes either. “Oh…a fruitcake! You shouldn’t have. Really! Harrumph.) While not much can damage the bugger, hurling its unprotected, sticky and slimy carcass might offer some unforeseen oily offenses worse than the consumption of the fruitcake itself.

The laws of nature truly apply to this ritual. It was Sir Isaac Newton who said it best, “What goes up, must come down.” And the splatter of a tossed fruitcake is far greasier than you would ever imagine. Therefore, for oil on your driveway, sidewalk or garage floor – from fruitcake tosses or the ordinary automobile leakage - sprinkle baking soda over the spots to absorb them. Then, add just a little bit of water to the baking soda - enough to form a paste. Next, with a brush in your hand or a scrubby pad under the sole of your shoe, work it up. Rinse with clean water, and repeat if necessary.

Fruitcake Toss Day can be a family event, neighborhood event, or just a private way to relieve holiday stress. Either fully entombed in its original wrapping or left to the elements, Fruitcake Toss Day is your opportunity to toss, chuck, hurl, pitch, lob or heave this weighty lump of wasted calories and say, “Look! There! Up in the sky! It’s…a fruitcake?”

(Word of caution: Remember - this isn’t Dodge ball. Flying fruitcakes leave welts.)

Michael De Jong, is the author of “Clean: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” and “Clean Body: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing Yourself” (
www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/ ) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). His books can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com.
Please consider the environment.