Arthur Murray’s Birthday
“Please send me your last pair of shoes,
worn out with dancing…
so that I might have something to press against my heart.”
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Perhaps you’re able to dance like John Travolta, Savion Glover or Fred Astaire. But for the rest of us who persistently need a helping rhythmic hand, dance lessons continue to be über necessary. Not only a place to dance, have fun and make new friends, Arthur Murray Dance Studios were and continue to be the perfect place to shake your booty to the measure of the music. If you’re determined to dance or you’re just interested in learning a few new moves for that upcoming wedding, Arthur Murray’s is a great place to learn the latest steps.

Arthur Murray was a dance instructor and businessman, whose name is most often associated with the dance studio chain that bears his name. At the age of 17, Arthur Murray began teaching dance at night while working as a draftsman by day and when the Arthur Murray dance studios were finally opened, others followed. His slogan was “If you can walk, we teach you how to dance.”

In the early eighties, after his 30-plus-year marriage to my mom ended, my dad floundered until he discovered the very same Arthur Murray dance studios in a neighboring town. Once there, he quietly and privately took classes. Although he continued to work nights at a neighboring steel mill and fish at every available moment, little did we know that he had also become obsessed by the lure of the ballroom floor. Unfortunately, it was not until after his death did my sister and brother and I finally come to know about his secret passion for the Fox Trot, the Hustle, the Jitterbug, the Mamba, the Quickstep, Rumba, Salsa, Swing, Tango, and even the Two-Step.

While dismantling his bachelor-pad (complete with waterbed—I said it was the 80s!) did we discover his secret stash of dance-duds - a walk-in closet entirely committed to his ever-growing collection of tuxedo jackets, coats with tails, overcoats, and dinner jackets in orchid-lavender, chocolate-brown, fuchsia-pink, sunshine-yellow, platinum-silver, periwinkle-blue, bubblegum-pink, cherry-red, turquoise, purple, scarlet-red, royal-blue, sage-green and Champaign, each with satin trimmed matching pants, and color mated bow ties, socks, fluorescent patent leather dance shoes, fancy cufflinks, silky handkerchiefs, cummerbunds and mountains of crisply laundered and ironed ruffled and flat fronted shirts.

Whether you’re a closeted dancehall gigolo like my dad or just someone who happens to like the shine of patent leather (still always suitable for Easter and summer footwear), remember to keep yours mirror shiny. Polish them using a soft cloth dampened with full strength white vinegar. Just wipe and gently rub until the shine is fully restored and the vinegar is no longer evident.

Although I never saw my dad do more than bait a hook or change the car’s oil, I can now also imagine him shifting his weight, turning, gliding, leaping, dipping, and shuffling - filled with elegant lively movements, show stopping acrobatic actions, erotic Bob Fosse-like gyrations, and, also just quietly yet gracefully dancing. By unearthing his treasure-trove of ballroom dance costumes my notion of my dad will be forever transformed from the clumsy flat-footed father I thought I knew into the suave yet sophisticated Gene Kelly he privately dreamed of becoming.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “Clean: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” and “Clean Body: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing Yourself” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). His books can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com.

Please consider the environment.

In Honor of National Poetry Month
~ I give you ~

Sonnet to a Slob

Your dishes are piled like skyscrapers
Your sink makes strangers step back.
Rather than bubbles you’re content with troubles
From the housekeeping skills that you lack.

Your dust bunnies corral under couches
Creating powdery white filth and light grime.
It’s not your quirk to go completely berserk
Because dirt in your home’s not a crime.

Your bath wears mold like a parka,
Housing microbes you could never outswim.
Your toilet is frightening; your sink could use brightening
Yours germs sing their own national hymn.

You’ve owned a Bissell, a Dyson, and Hoover,
Though your vacuum now hides in the closet.
You once screamed “Oh heck,” when your cherished Oreck,
Exploded in a cloudy deposit.

Your recycling and garbage are ever growing.
Your refuse overfills each wastebasket.
You’d rather grow bitter than make room for your litter
Or consider to organize, sort, bundle or mask it.

Your laundry’s never sorted by colors.
Your whites are often light-pink.
You’re nothing but smiles while you’re clothes sit in piles
And your dainties linger under your sink.

Your gauchos, white sandals and nude nylons,
Lost scungies, tube socks and shoulder pads,
Your hangers scamper while you dig through your hamper
‘Cause your closet’s filled with dated doodads.

Your grooming skills are not quite polished.
The wrinkles you wear leave you rancorous.
Your trousers are rumpled and your shirt’s clearly crumpled
Some might say that you’re ironing-cantankerous.

Your stove-top is covered with drippings
From the dinner you made yesterday.
Your spilled coffee has thickened, the rest leaves you sickened
Your home is a worrisome display.

Your coat is hung from a doorknob.
Your wet towel’s strewn on your bed.
You’re a cleaning sinner who trips over last night’s dinner
While you imagine a tidier home in your head.

While cleaning isn’t for all,
It’s a necessary task in each home.
Tidy up logically while cleaning ecologically,
And end your piggish syndrome.

Consider the words of this clean-freak.
Even though I can rant on and on.
Though I assert you needn’t convert
‘Cause with effort your mess will be gone.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “Clean: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” and “Clean Body: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing Yourself” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). His books can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com.

Please consider the environment.

Albert Einstein’s Birthday
“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind,
Then what are we to think of an empty desk?”
~ Albert Einstein

Overflowing ashtrays, piles of books, coffee stained napkins scribbled with half-baked theories, mangled envelopes, semi-scribed journals, purloined pens, dog-eared dailies, notebooks, piles of paper and mountains of unopened letters…the strictness of order and the opposing efficiency of chaos? Well, I dunno’ about that. Albert Einstein may have been brilliant but to this neat-nick, I think he must have been a complete and total slob.

Theories of relativity aside - nobody needs to drop an apple onto my head for me to notice both sides of the tidiness fence – those who see the advantage of having a messy desk and those who slip into flames when a pen is left askew. (Okay. I admit it. I just described myself.)

While revealing your true inner being, if your desk is nasty maybe you’re just disorganized by nature, maybe your productivity skills are rusty, you’ve decided to cozy up to your own special brand of disorder or perhaps you’re the kind of person who – when finished with something - it spirals into a whirling abyss of invisibility. Although your mass-of-mess is mounding into Mount St. Helens, Mount Fuji or even Mount Everest, you’ve become blinded – and to your delusional sightless eyes, your chaos ceases to exist.

Finding the middle ground between what’s tidy and untidy can be slippery. A study at Columbia Business School found that people who keep a dashing desk actually spend more time shuffling through stuff than those who keep it mildly messy - systematizing and salvaging stuff takes time. And when it comes to a messy desk, time is of the essence – for it was our sloppy scientist who once said, “The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.”

Ebbing and flowing like the tide, when your desk is out of control, wrestling your stack of stuff can be absolutely aggravating. Slob that he was, our birthday boy also once said; “Out of clutter find simplicity; from discord find harmony; In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”

When your messes reach maximum density, make a hole into your Himalayan-sized-hysteria - a gap into your Alpine-shaped-mishap by keeping your tidying trouble-free. Simply commit yourself to digging through your disaster for just five minutes a day.

And once you’ve reached China – umm-errr - your desk top, consider this simple, eco-friendly way of polishing it: Use two parts olive oil mixed with one part lemon juice. Pour just a few drops on a soft cloth, wipe away the dust, scuffs, and fingerprints, and make your wooden desk shine. No sprays, aerosols or chemicals needed—just two natural ingredients, and voila, a clean and polished surface.

Although a clean desk to some may symbolically resemble a blank slate (Yoo-hoo! Is anybody home?) I find peace when my desk is shipshape and tidy. While cleaning yours, you may not find Amelia Earhart or Jimmy Hoffa, some missing masterpieces by Rembrandt, Manet or Vermeer, or even the meaning of life but hopefully you’ll discover a newfound semblance of order and – ultimately - the long-lost surface of of your desk.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “Clean: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” and “Clean Body: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing Yourself” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). His books can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com.

Please consider the environment.

Peanut Butter Lovers' Day
“There's nothing like unrequited love to take
all the flavor out of a peanut butter sandwich.”
~ Charlie Brown

Always oily, sticky and gloppy, creamy to extra chunky, pedigreed-and-pricey or down-and-dirty-cheap-o - who among us doesn’t just completely dig the taste of peanut butter?

Because of its immense popularity, peanut butter is one of our nation’s numero-uno delicacies. It’s so beloved that the month of March is now named National Peanut month. (Unfortunate for those who suffer from Arachibutyrophobia – the hysteria from peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth. But most especially unfortunate for the millions who suffer from allergies to nuts!)

By 1903, Dr. George Washington Carver, considered by many to be the Father of the Peanut Industry, began his peanut research at the Tuskegee Institute. Peanut butter had already been invented before Carver’s began his horticultural experiments, but many wrongly credit him as being the Father of Peanut Butter. Despite missing out on that really big patent opportunity, the ingenious Dr. Carver did, however, create hundreds of uses for the luscious legume.

Today, the West Coast of the United States prefers chunky, while the East Coast favors creamy brands, but regardless of texture, the average American boy will have consumed approximately 1,500 peanut butter sandwiches by the age of 18. And just one acre of peanuts supplies enough of the legumes to manufacture 30,000 sandwiches.

Today, millions of people pine for peanut butter, and while it’s a common staple in most homes, and it’s relatively inexpensive, it’s not just a condiment for kids. For instance, Demi Moore cures her sugar cravings by snacking on peanut butter, Al Roker has a spoonful of peanut butter every morning, and second First Daughter Sasha Obama loves her daily dose of peanut butter as well. Although it’s virtually every kid's bread and butter, other well-known “Big Kid” fans include Barbara Walters, Bill Clinton, Billy Joel, Cher, Jack Nicholson, Julia Roberts, Larry King, and even Madonna.

My partner, Richard (whose favorite brand happens to be ‘Crazy Richard’s’) easily downs half a jar of the stuff with a spoon every afternoon, while I, on the other hand, enjoy a double-decker peanut butter and jelly sandwich instead. Using three slices of bread, I smear peanut butter (chunky style, of course!) on the inside of the two outer slices, followed by spreading jelly or jam onto both sides of the inner slice. Sounds complicated but making it this way eliminates the outside of the sandwich from ever becoming soggy. (Truth be told, it also eliminates my need for a second peanut butter and jelly sandwich!)

But if you happen to get a glop on more than your knife, spoon or bread, remove peanut butter stains from just about any non-porous surface by scraping it up and then wiping it away with warm sudsy water. For excess oil, pile on the baking soda. Sprinkle the area liberally, wait for about ten minutes, wipe away the excess and you’re good to go.

Nutritious and versatile, glop-alicious and good, this month make Dr. Carver proud - remember to go nuts over peanut butter.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “Clean: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” and “Clean Body: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing Yourself” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (http://www.thedailygreen.com/green-homes/blogs/nontoxic/) and the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-dejong). His books can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com.

Please consider the environment.