Christopher Reeves’ Birthday
"Be your own hero, it's cheaper than a movie ticket."
~Doug Horton

Years ago, as a mild mannered artist, I cleaned apartments for professors, photo-editors, designers, television and Broadway producers, a photo instructor, a chiropractor and even a guy who made wigs for Saturday Night Live. And with keys in hand, I traveled my own Metropolis via the New York City subway system as a cleansing crusader (minus the spandex of course.)

Most of my clients wanted the “usual” stuff – a scrubbed bathroom, a shiny fresh kitchen, for me to swing a duster here and there, to chase the vacuum around and then to finish it all off with a quick mopping. But for extra cash I also performed super-human feats by running errands, organizing closets, collecting dry cleaning, ironing linens, polishing silver, changing sheets, picking up groceries, washing windows, making floral arrangements, baby-sitting, rearranging entire rooms, and even choosing furniture, bedding and draperies.

But my regular Tuesday client was a dusk-to-dawn affair who wanted it “all” and then some…including laundry done in the building’s machines three flights down. With my arms filled to capacity, I found my way to the basement for an afternoon of “fluff-n-fold.”

In a small communal laundry room next to the boiler, at the folding table tucked neatly between two coin-operated machines, I’d regularly see Superman (Really!). There, like clockwork was Christopher Reeves in street clothes. But even without his red cape, red boots, red boxers and blue uni-tard - in my mind he was still faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, a strange visitor from another planet who came to earth with a laundry list of powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men.

Yep, “the flesh and blood” Christopher Reeves – the same one who was beloved by millions as both the mild-mannered reporter, Clark Kent, and Superman, the “Man of Steel.” But in this odd, mundane but very real setting, he became for me not just Christopher Reeves, but rather Clark Kent in a Christopher Reeves disguise - casually hiding behind glasses and a baseball hat while pushing mismatched loads of his family’s clothing into and out of washers and dryers. It was like seeing Clark Kent impersonating a bumbling Christopher Reeves so that I - just for that moment - might feel super (and superior—because boy did he not know how to wash clothes!). Similar to the way Superman impersonated a bumbling Clark Kent to make others feel like they, too, were a cut above.

But unlike Superman, our Birthday-boy Mr. Reeves wasn’t rocketed to Earth from a distant planet; never squeezed coal into diamonds, couldn’t travel back in time or soar into outer space, wasn’t capable of moving planets, and - in this instance - wasn’t very good at doing laundry, either.

Had he just divided his whites, colors and dark fabrics into separate loads and added a capful of white vinegar to his laundry, he would have kept his colors bold and his whites bright. Never-the-less – regardless of his less than super washing powers evidenced in his pink-stained tidy-whities and dingy-gray baby diapers - for me - Tuesday’s have forever remained “Sorting with Superman Day.”

Since my cleaning days, we’ve all lost a super-hero to human frailty. But what I’ve taken away from the time spent while folding and sorting is that whether troubled by twisters, ponderous over plummeting airplanes, upset by metropolis-squashing meteors, or even let down by loads of lackluster laundry - Superman, Clark Kent, Christopher Reeves, and even you and I continuously teeter-totter between our humanity, the spin cycle, those missing red boxers, and a fickle, ever-changing universe.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, as well as posting weekly blogs on Hearst’s “The Daily Green” (www.thedailygreen.com) and the Huffington Post (www.huffingtonpost.com). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal-Bravo’s eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com).

Please consider the environment.

Speak like a Pirate Day
“…if we lived and were good,
God would permit us to be pirates.”
~ Mark Twain

Poop deck, port, prow, and starboard - the briny deep, the reef below, fair winds, and sailing the seven seas…it’s all in a days work for an old sea-dog lookout - spyglass in hand and perched high in his crow's nest - keeping his eyes peeled for land. “Ahoooy!” he cries to warn the worn Cap’n Sea-Legs. Thar' in the distance - small yet faint - it grows out of the horizon - a deserted island. “Land ho!”, a fellow matey sounds.

The rounded mound of island appears through the mist as all hands on board catch site of sand, coral filled turquoise water, swaying palms and a stranded couple on the beach - all sun-scorched and in tatters - a marooned Buccaneer and his lassie-wench. And in the mind of every scurvy dog on deck lies a pirate’s fantasy of buried treasure, piles of pieces-of-eight, and the mother-lode - a booty-filled chest of gold Doubloons. Oh, the thrill of plundering, robbing, and sacking along the Barbary Coast - ‘taint nothing like it, aye!

The adventure of pillage, however, happened rarely to those in search of excitement and, more often than not, the monotony and drudgery of ship-life was the norm. I can almost hear the lead Skipper saying “The bardom of da’ open sea, frequent scarvy, the lack of grog-n-grub…me hearties…leaves any man - pirate, thief or thug - hankerin’ for more. Sure…there’s stuff to do on board. There’s spyin’ fur th' mother of all whales, polishin’ me’ sword, rowin’, sailin’, fightin’, attackin’ galleons, or watchin’ some sad-sack traitor walk the plank. But - shiver me timbers - there’s nothin’ like swabbin’ the decks.”

Romanticized-adventuring-dirt-bag or not - on this hearty day - become a respectable yet daring, swashbuckling eco-pirate (Green-Beard?) by sportin’ a Tricorne hat, an eye-patch (covering just one of your peepers is sufficient) and a parrot on your shoulder to complete the look. Fully clad, commemorate the day by scrubbing your stairs, mopping your floors or swabbin’ your own decks with something safe and sound…I’ll bet me’ last gold Doubloon they did.

Now me’ maties - begin by making a paste of baking soda and water to remove shoe and furniture scuffs on all kinds of flooring. Continue by adding one half of a cup of baking soda to a bucket of water to swab the deck - uhm, I mean wash the floors. Mop with swarthy gusto, rinse and wipe dry.

Just ‘cause it’s speak like a pirate day doesn’t mean you have to live like one. Unleash your inner Cap’n Bligh and “Git off yur sorry keester…ya’ mangy scallywag.” and make your personal bounty shipshape. Whether channeling smart Black Bart, becoming cunning Captain Kidd, or acting like bloodthirsty Blackbeard – safely swabbin’ your deck, linoleum, tile or wood flooring is never reason for a mutiny…. Arrrrrgh!

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on Hearst Publishing’s first online magazine, “The Daily Green” (www.thedailygreen.com). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal’s new eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com where you can send him your questions about housecleaning problems. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com). Please consider the environment.

“I, John, take you Jacqueline…”
"Don't let it be forgot, that once there was a spot,
for one brief shining moment that was known as Camelot"
~ Lerner and Loewe

With early-fall cool breezes and blue skies overhead, late summer is a perfect time of year to steal someone's heart and get hitched.

It was just that when John Kennedy and Jacqueline Bouvier tied the knot. And could there have been a more swellegant place to do it than in Newport, Rhode Island - the warm weather capital of American high-society and a Mecca for the wealthiest of the wealthiest?

If you’re planning to say "I do" there, too, you might find yourself rubbing elbows with the Astors or Vanderbilts, eying the mega-bling from Tiffany, Cartier or Van Cleef & Arpels, viewing magnificent flower arrangements, nibbling a five-tier wedding cake, waving to three thousand well wishers outside the church, greeting a thou’ or two of your nearest and dearest after the ceremony, holding closely to your perfect mate, and - depending on whether you really want one or not – wearing a memorable, original, handmade silk wedding gown.

After makin’ eyes at her “Mr. Right” and dreaming of walking the new ball-n-chain down the aisle, Jacqueline Bouvier, expected, and surely got, the prescribed “three-ring circus” when she married John F. Kennedy. (And why not…they were a match made in heaven.) Ms. “O” was then a beautiful young columnist with a camera who wrote "Inquiring Camera Girl" for The Washington Times-Herald, and JFK was the newly elected senator from Massachusetts.

Before twelve hundred people, on September 12, 1953 they took their vows and sealed it with those two little words, at St. Mary’s Church, the oldest Roman Catholic parish in Newport. And thus began their picture-perfect life together, filled with Pulitzer Prizes, the creation of the Peace Corps, the Nuclear Test Ban Treaty, the 35th US Presidency, the Space Program, a complete restoration of the White House, and two wonderful children.

But on your big day, what if butter-cream or bubbly lands on your wedding dress? In that situation, it’s often best to think, “WWJD” - “What would Jackie Do?” Even the memorable handmade silk “Camelot” wedding gown worn by Jacqueline Bouvier-Kennedy might have been the object of a nuptial mishap. Had it happened to Jackie, though, she would have breathed deep, found her center, cooled her jets, and evaluated the situation by saying “How bad can it be?”

Out of control Bride-zilla or a calm and collected Bouvier, make sure you use the correct remedy for your stains. For red wine, softly dab at the spill with a clean dry white cloth followed by again dabbing with the spot with a damp white cloth and then dab some more. (Don’t rub!) If it’s still visible add just a dash of white vinegar, and continue to blot. To camouflage the remaining offense, sprinkle the area with baking soda…nobody will notice.

For oily stains - from makeup to meat-sauce - sprinkle the area liberally with baking soda, sit patiently for about ten minutes (remembering to smile!), and then shake the excess off while you’re out on the dance floor.

Getting hitched, popping the question, setting a date or just settling down - it all starts with whispering sweet nothings in someone's ear. And if your day is as perfect as Jackie’s and John’s - with a “Camelot spot” or without, remember that once the confetti’s been swept away and the rental chairs have been returned, you married the dude not the dress.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on Hearst Publishing’s first online magazine, “The Daily Green” (www.thedailygreen.com). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal’s new eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com where you can send him your questions about housecleaning problems. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com). Please consider the environment.

Amelia Earhart’s
Trans-continental flight &
Gene Simmons’ Birthday
“Fly me to the moon and let me play (swing) among the stars

Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars…”
~Bart Howard

Frank Sinatra brought the lyrics of “Fly me to the Moon” to life. It’s one of those famous melodies where its mere mention instantly brings this air-bound tune to life. You know how it goes…if you dream about it you’ll recall the way the “Chairman of the Board” slurred words into personalized, memorable configurations masterfully paired with the sounds of saxophones, flutes, and drums in support of his elongated and punctuated crooning.

Much like Ol’ Blue Eyes - if you’re healthy and creative you might not only sing about flying you might dream about flying as well…I do. While I’m dreaming, I imagine that I’m soaring through the night air lost somewhere between the moon and the stars - flying over my personal “Never-land” like Wendy, John and Michael from “Peter Pan.”

When using Peter Pans’ combination of “happy thoughts” and “fairy dust,” apparently anyone can fly to Jupiter and Mars…even the unlikely duo of Amelia Earhart and Gene Simmons. Good thing, too. It seems that almost everyone, at some time or another, wished they could fly.

Just look around - our popular cultural landscape is littered with references to flying. There are those who swear to have seen super-natural flying saucers, super-spiritual flying nuns, the super-brave who wind-sail, hang glide, bungee jump and skydive, super-limber fingers that fly across a piano’s keyboard, the super-paranoid who fear flying altogether (and for those who have no apparent fear of anything - flying or otherwise - we have “the mile high club”), and the Super-Heroes of Marvel and DC Comics that can also fly.

The paintings of Marc Chagal are also filled with images of folks flying, feeling lighter than air, soaring…literally…imagining human flight vividly like an uncertain swimmer doing the back stroke in mid-air or as a kite-tail waltzing in the wind - much like the vanished pilot Amelia Earhart and famed washed-up head-banger and lead rock-and-roller of the infamous band KISS, Gene Simmons.

Amelia and Gene share more than a coincidental date, August 25th. (They ironically also share music too…songwriter Jim Vallance wrote “Rock 'n Roll Hell” for Gene Simmons and “Amelia Earhart” for BTO - that’s Bachman Turner Overdrive). What they also share is a passion for flying.

As "Queen of the Air" she became the earliest woman to fly solo across the Atlantic (not once but twice!), was the number one female to receive the Distinguished Flying Cross and the first lady to fly non-stop from numerous destinations - breaking records all along the way.

Feminist icon Amelia Earhart was a widely known international celebrity during her lifetime. Her bashful yet magnetic charm, courage, self-determined doggedness, composure and guts along with her disappearance have offered her lasting fame.

Bass guitarist and birthday-boy Gene Simmons led his rock band KISS to mega-stardom in the 70s and 80s with pyrotechnics, demonstrations of his over-generously proportioned tongue, his audacious self-delusions, profusions of fake blood, wacky costumes, all that goofy make-up and of course - his never ending in-ability to disappear. But it’s his soaring aerial choreography and stage flying that firmly connects him to Amelia Earhart. With his license to be outrageous the charismatically repellant, persistently agitated, and turbulently excitable (I’m imagining him “literally” breaking all of his own records.) Simmons is – in my opinion - the Yin to Earharts’ Yang. They’re total opposites with a passion for flight.

We all live in the modern world and from time to time it’s necessary to fly. It’s an exciting and convenient way to travel, though not the eco-friendliest. Either “flying to the moon” or to some other destination, we can all reduce the amount of waste produced in-air by passing on anything served in disposable packaging. Instead, pack your own reusable container filled with a beverage of your choice (which you’ll probably have to buy after you pass through security), some healthy snacks from home stashed away in even more reusable containers and then deposit and recycle your own trash once you’ve landed.

By declining and re-cycling, think of all of the plastic packaging that will no longer need to be manufactured, only to find its non-biodegradable way into landfills or recycling centers across the country. And to clean your reusable plastic storage containers, depending on the type of stain, scrub them using combinations of lemon juice, baking soda and white vinegar.

It’s the little things - like avoiding over-packaged stuff, reusing and safely cleaning containers, considering travel alternatives - that will, in the long run, actually make a difference. It might not completely fix the problem, but if the 1,000,000 or-so folks who visit this site weekly actually acted on this eco-advice, there’d be less pollution and non-biodegradable garbage to deal with.

Life is what we each do, bravely, every single day. Gene Simmons once said, “All I ever thought about was sex.” (What? You were expecting some nugget of wisdom?) But it was Amelia Earhart who said, “You can act to change…the process is its own reward.”

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on Hearst Publishing’s first online magazine, “The Daily Green” (www.thedailygreen.com). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal’s new eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com where you can send him your questions about housecleaning problems. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com). Please consider the environment.

Homeless Animal Day
"The average dog is a nicer person
than the average person."

~Andy Rooney

The average-Joe annually eats 30 pounds of lettuce…give-or-take a little. (Ancient Egyptians even had a god dedicated to both sex and lettuce…maybe that’s why we have Green-Goddess dressing?) Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Independence, third president of the United States, notable architect, noteworthy gardener, and obvious foliage fetish-ist had tons of lettuce growing in his gardens at Monticello, too.

Why all of this talk about lettuce? (Give me a minute…I’m only at the tip of the iceberg!) While educating people about vegetarian-ism and plating up scrumptious veggie chow, PETAs “Lettuce Ladies” are decked out in only this particular purposefully positioned plant life.

To boost public consciousness about the millions of destitute critters who are in need of compassionate quarters, as well as to stress the significance of spaying and neutering pets (hence those strategically-located lettuce leaves), each year, the “Lettuce Ladies” campaign along-side the world’s biggest animal rights organization - People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) - and their host of volunteers, associates and champions.

PETA, of course, is concerned about cruelty to all types of animals (rabbits, chimps, cats, etc). So while they’re not the only mistreated species, many canines endure abuses in factories, farms, laboratories, breeding mills and even as household pets. And that’s how we came to our pooch – Jack.

Ten years ago, this sweet-yet-wacko high-maintenance cocker spaniel came into our lives. He’d been confined in a basement in hopes of someone eventually taking this “gaping wound of need” (it’s what I sometimes lovingly call him) off his current owners hands.

Enter stage left, my partner Richard and me. (Actually? Much more him than me…did I just hear the Mighty Mouse theme song “Hear I Come to Save the Day”?) He’s a sucker for a dog no matter what it looks like, smells like or acts like, and he’ll pet anything that wets on a sidewalk. (Luckily we live in a dog-friendly town.)

And when Richard’s dog-less he’s just not complete. You know the type…strong, tall, handsome and not overly chatty, but he’s the kinda’ guy who just needs a dog to make “oou-woo-woo” noises to - in the presence of others or not. But what neither of us knew when we took Jack in was that he wasn’t some who-dunnit-of-a-mutt but instead some purebred thing-a-ma-bob spaniel. He was chocolaty, matted and covered with God-knows-what, and stylishly “toughened-up” with a pit bull collar.

Despite his state we took him in, and after a good washing in the yard followed by a trip to a professional groomer - underneath it all we discovered a beautiful blond American cocker - and ever since, he’s been a fixture in our lives. He’s adorable. He’s so over-groomed and “girly” that his masculinity often stands in question (he kinda looks like Lady from “Lady and the Tramp”).

But left alone he’s all man - no question - he tears the house apart. He’s eaten through bedding, buried a cantaloupe in a couch (hmmm…snacks for later), has jumped on the dining room table and eaten a huge Valentine’s Day heart-shaped box of chocolate – foil wrappers and all - and on occasion has gone through the trash (tearing the cabinet doors off their hinges in the process, I might add.)

But you know it’s a dogs Christmas in July when your puppy’s gotten into the mother lode of garbage – the stuff that’s in the trash the day the refrigerator’s been cleaned. Our “precious” bellied-up to brown squishy bananas, half-turned grapes, cucumbers that had somehow become liquidly, a hunk of long-forgotten and now sky blue soy cheese, twelve-grain bread so hard that you could pave a driveway with it, and even a spent bouquet of flowers. He even tried to eat the box of baking soda found under the sink, too. But what he didn’t touch…you got it…was the lettuce. If I had known then to sprinkle the baking soda into the garbage he might not have smelled the “goodies” in the first place. (Yoo-hoo…here’s the tip: Sprinkling baking soda over your garbage is a great way to minimize odors offensive to you, and hopefully your pet, too.)

Maybe that’s why PETA and the “Lettuce Ladies” choose that specific cover-up – I’m not certain it’s dog-proof but I know that it’s “Jack-proof.” But no matter, PETA and the Ladies work tirelessly to help rescue homeless animals – they save them, offer school kids special trainings about them, physically search for abandoned pets, stage sit-ins at pharmaceutical labs, hold swanky social events to raise money, and continually lobby for the humane treatment of animals.

So if you’re the kind of person who absolutely, positively must have a beast of the four-legged variety, know that for every dog or cat purchased from a breeder or a pet store, another at a shelter is destroyed. Your rescued companion animal may not be a Snoopy, Garfield, Lassie, Sylvester or even Rin-Tin-Tin, but by making the “greener” choice by taking in a spayed or neutered stray – you’ll have decades of swell companionship and stories of questionable doggie-deeds to tell, too.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on Hearst Publishing’s first online magazine, “The Daily Green” (www.thedailygreen.com). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal’s new eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com where you can send him your questions about housecleaning problems. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com). Please consider the environment.

Lefthanders Day
“As the eagle was killed by the arrow winged with his own feather,
so the hand of the world is wounded by its own skill.”

~Helen Keller

With roughly 10% of the world admitting to being left-handed (yup…Helen Keller, too) and many ambidextrous people also considering themselves left-handed as well – it seems that few folks are actually 100% left-handed. Ya’ see, completely left-handed people would mostly use the right side of their brains and totally right-handed people would primarily use the left side of their brains. OK, then – so that must mean that true left-handers never do anything right (with their right hands anyway) and yet – technically – they’re the only people who are in their right mind. With me so far?

If you’re not catching my drift, let’s look at some famous Lefties. First, there’s the brilliant left-handed puppeteer, the late Jim Henson. He actually always kept his left hand free and it was his right hand that was up the backside of Kermit the frog - animating the puppet by making his head and mouth move in the memorable ways that made Kermit so loveable.

Another “Lefty-Lucy” is the controversial left-handed televangelist, Pat Robertson (apparently also animated by an outside force making his head and mouth move in memorable ways, too). Left-handed Reverend Pat, however, imagines himself to be Christ’s Right Hand Man, as well as Mr. “Right Wing,” Mr. “Right Thinking,” and Mr. “Right Leaning”…so many rights and still just plain-old-wrong.

Another upstanding left-hander is the politico (and Viagra spokes-model) Bob Dole. Having lost the use of his right hand during World War II, ever the politician, Dole always holds a pen in his non-functioning right hand, thereby cleverly persuading folks to shake his fully functioning left hand instead.

Then there’s the Renaissance Man of all Renaissance Men, Leonardo da Vinci – also a lefty - well kinda’. Twenty years after painting “The Last Supper” with his right hand - the unsinkable Leonardo’s right hand was suddenly paralyzed and so he taught himself to paint equally brilliantly (“Saint John the Baptist”, “Bacchus”, and “The Virgin and Child with St. Anne”) with his left hand for the last few years of his life.

And while left-handers were present in history and can now be seen all around us - like it or not - the world is really designed for right-handers. Take a look around - you’ll find right-handed mugs, right-handed scissors, right-handed sports equipment, right-handed corkscrews…you name it.

And if right-handed ergonomics isn’t bad enough, many countries (and religions no-less) suggest the use of one hand over the other for different daily purposes. In the Middle East, it is customary to use the left hand for cleaning one’s “rudie-bits” after visiting the facilities and - all-in-all - for cleaning just about anything. The right hand, well…that’s used for tidier and more refined stuff like eating and shaking hands.

I don’t know about you, but I do tons with both of my hands even though I am ultimately a right-ie. My mitts aren’t decorated with a Hindu’s henna or an heirloom from Harry Winston…they’re simple, hardworking hands. With them I clean like the dickens, string together the words that I’m known for, re-paint the walls of our home, sew on buttons, make beds, pet our dog, fold and sort laundry, drive screws, pull weeds and arrange flowers. Besides being handy (eh-hem) they also help me communicate by punctuating my words and the air around me with abstract yet necessary movements. Just like yours, my pair are part digits, part opposable thumbs, part palms, part nails and part wrists and they start where my arms end.

Whether you compose proclamations, harvest produce, prepare meals, play pianos, or put out fires, your hands are the most dexterous appendages you have. Hands are a great part of what separates us from other life forms—that, and our ability to accessorize, of course! With our hands we sense the elements, and through touch we are able to assemble and react physically to the tactile world. We make manifest our dreams with our hands and likewise leave behind our fingerprints on the world. For good or for bad, hands have “had a hand in” raising up civilizations and then extinguishing them over and over again.

Left-brain or a right-brain dominated, don’t become a modern day Pontius Pilate or Lady Macbeth by letting your dirty digits get out of hand. Healthy hand washing is easy to learn and teach. Try the following, and it’s “out damned spot!”

1. Always use warm water, partly filling a sink to save water.
2. Using soap and/or baking soda, rub your wet digits, palms and the backs of your hands for at least 20 seconds – about the time it takes to sing “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” (in your head, please!).
3. For persistent stains, rub a cut lemon on the spots to lighten them.
3. Use a nailbrush to scrub caked-on dirt or paint and to clean the grime from under your fingernails.
4. Rinse well with fresh warm water, but don’t forget to immediately turn off the tap.
5. Then just dry thoroughly.

Left-ie or Right-ie…whether you’re “left” at the alter, waiting for “Mr. Left,” out in “left” field, being “left” behind (as opposed to being right behind?), and a ba-zillion other sayings better “left” unsaid - no matter how you look at it – two clean hands are infinitely better than having two right…ummm…two left feet.

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on Hearst Publishing’s first online magazine, “The Daily Green” (www.thedailygreen.com). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal’s new eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com where you can send him your questions about housecleaning problems. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com). Please consider the environment.

Martha Stewart’s Birthday
“Confession is good for the conscience,
but it usually bypasses the soul.”
~Mignon McLaughlin

Adore her or despise her, whether you think she’s “on the loose” or been wrongly reprimanded, one can’t help admiring the felonious domestic-diva known simply as “Martha.”

“Martha who?” you ask? Well…she’s not old enough to be Martha Washington and not large enough to be Martha’s Vineyard so it must be our birthday girl, Martha Stewart. She’s a one-named pop phenomenon - sort of like Coolio, Eminem, Jewel, Usher, Bjork, Britney, and Cher. (But just try to keep a straight face imagining any of them in an apron!) She’s the omnipresent OmniMedia mogul of print, cyberspace, radio and television who clawed her way into our hearts and “good things” by reframing the ten commandments of cleaning, organizing, nutcups-n-partyfavors, trolling for antiques (we prefer to call it gay-fishing), extravagant meal preparations, crafting and glue-gunning 101, flower arranging, everything housekeeping, and even child and pet “management.”

And what would a birthday party thrown for the queen-bee of organization, maintenance and tidiness look like? I’m imagining a tony late-afternoon event somewhere in the Hamptons on a freshly manicured lawn behind a century old home with 15 foot-high privet hedges and opulent ocean views. I envision the property dressed with buttery-yellow and white striped tenting and tablecloths, twinkling paper lanterns dangling from every bough, a temporary dance floor with ample room for a small jazz ensemble, and a buffet piled high and tall with lemony cupcakes, bowls filled with lemon-drops, personalized buttery-yellow napkins, vintage-inspired tableware (no doubt from her new WalMart line…ca-ching!), lemon topiaries, and of course…lemonade. And nearer the waters edge, for the youngest guests, all dressed in matching yellow gingham outfits, a slide, jungle gym, a swing set and maybe even a sandbox—filled, no doubt, with special buttery-yellow sand.

Of course what separates us mere mortals from the Goddess of Good Taste, is that she can make a command, clap her hands, wave her magic wand, and poof - all of the above can easily happen – right down to the perfectly colored sand. Now, for the other 99.99% of us, we settle for the sandbox sand schlepped from Home Depot. But regardless, custom sand or run-of-the-mill sand, once it’s in the sandbox it’s instantly magical and special because it can be formed into numberless shapes - castles, mountains, mermaids, and even the occasional imaginary birthday cake – and keep us amused for hours on end.

And for those who missed the subtle but crucial life-lessons learned while digging, common-courtesy sandbox-rules run neck-in-neck with the Ten Commandments (except, of course, for the ever important "Don’t eat the sand” and “If you think that the cat was in there earlier it probably was.”)

When kids and babies huddle together in a sandbox hour after hour, digging to “China,” they unearth trust, develop kindness and learn consideration. First-friendships are formed and (like it or not), it’s in these childish pursuits that we establish the kind of interactions we carry out for a lifetime.

So on Martha’s birthday, in her honor, remember that while the Queen of Clean may be King of the Mountain - if you remember your sandbox days -she ain’t got nothing on you!

And just like Martha, in the hands of any gifted individual, lemons can make a birthday party or holiday event that much more special. But after the party, the leftover lemons are perfect for brightening white fabrics (substitute lemon juice equally for chlorine bleach), removing discolorations on cutting boards (smoosh it everywhere and let it sit overnight) and – of course - making the best lemonade ever. But lemon juice, too, has its limitations. It unfortunately can’t remove stains from a soul…even you-know-who’s.

(Sandbox Rule No.1: Cher your Eminem.)

Michael De Jong, is the author of “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing,” (www.zencleansing.com) produced by Joost Elffers Design and published in 2007 by Sterling Publishers. He lives in Jersey City with his partner, dog and three goldfish, all of which benefit from his natural cleaning techniques. De Jong, who cleaned apartments in New York City while working as a fine artist, began researching and inventing many of the recipes in “CLEAN” because of his own allergic reactions to commercial cleaning products, and he is continually experimenting with safe, effective and eco-friendly alternatives. Raised in the mid-West by a family that valued the environment and re-cycled before it was fashionable, his quest for non-toxic solutions comes naturally to him. He is currently writing a companion series of “CLEAN” books dealing with such topics as the body, first aid, organization, and food, as well as posting a weekly blog on Hearst Publishing’s first online magazine, “The Daily Green” (www.thedailygreen.com). De Jong is also “Ask Mr. Green” for NBC-Universal’s new eco-website www.GreenIsUniversal.com where you can send him your questions about housecleaning problems. “CLEAN: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing” can be purchased at Barnes & Noble stores across the country or on-line at www.barnesandnoble.com or www.amazon.com. “CLEAN” is also an online course about “zen-cleansing” at Latitude U (www.LatitudeU.com). Please consider the environment.